37.5

Still waiting for baby.

At 37.5 weeks I am so ready to be done; I'm uncomfortable and so tired and feeling pretty guilty about my lack of energy with and for my other kids. And yet, I have one more week until my parents arrive and a huge part of me wants to wait until they are here too - that's pretty much the only reason that makes me happy to wait at this point.

A few nights ago we had a false alarm, a "did my waters just break?" moment. We had to go into the hospital and get checked out. The drive to the hospital at 10pm, having called in a dear friend to sit with our sleeping kids until Jeremy's parents could get to our house, was a wake up call. It highlighted for me all the things I still needed to get done. Jeremy on the other hand was all ready to just get this birth thing done. I think he was a bit disappointed when it turned out to be nothing.

As it was, they don't know what the mini gush of fluid was but it wasn't amniotic fluid so it is all good and after a couple of hours they sent us home. I feel like I am still recovering from the huge adrenaline rush and panic of thinking the baby might be coming and I wasn't ready! I did a Target run yesterday and picked up most of my last minute odds and ends. I still need to actually put most of the things into my hospital bag but I have them to throw in now!

Last night my small group prayed for me and if nothing else I am beyond thankful that I was able to spend that sweet time with these precious women in preparation for baby girl. Having a safe place to share my hopes and fears with friends who know and love me was such a needed balm in this home stretch of pregnancy. Sometimes it is easier to think about this baby as something to do, or figure out, rather than someone new to love and get to know. I am feeling so much more joyful anticipation this morning as baby kicks and wiggles, who are you little one?!

Today, Levi doesn't have preschool so our mornings are often lazy and filled with snacking and snuggling while we watch TV and read books. And this week that plan is a slam dunk. I'm certainly not winning any mothering awards today but I am completely at peace with that fact. The next week and a half are about survival :) We might get out of jammies at some point. No promises.

I can't help thinking we might not make it until the scheduled due date, I have no reason to feel this way, and certainly it could just be my own desire to just not be lugging this giant belly around any more, but I guess only time will tell.