We closed on our new house a week ago. Since then the days have been a whirlwind of having the duct work cleaned, having a washer and dryer delivered and installed, picking paint colors, cleaning carpets and packing. Yes, packing. Because in the midst of everything, we had planned and booked a trip to visit family in England. We don't make things easy on ourselves sometimes, but we were not going to cancel our trip and after living with Jeremy's parents for so long, waiting another week or two didn't seem like a big deal. We will move all of our things in the weekend after we get home.
But for now we are home with my parents and can report we successfully survived the flight over here. (There were lots of empty seats, which worked out in our favor. Levi took up most of the three-person row we were in, and Nora filled a close by two-person row so they were snuggled under blankets and slept most of the time, thankfully it was a night flight. On the way home it might be a little more work because its during the day and they will not need to sleep, but I hope that we can keep them occupied enough)
Anyway, thanks to the M25 traffic, both kids got a good nap in as we drove home and so were rested by UK dinner time just as J and I were ready for bed! We gave them a bath and tried to settle them but they both just napped because that's what time it was in their bodies and then woke up ready to go. They would not be convinced and after they communicated that they were hungry and ready for "dinner"(again) I found myself making beans on toast for everyone, and then giving out bedtime milk (again). We ended up just staying up and playing until 3am when we decided it was time to try again and after some persuasion ,we all slept in one big bed until 10.30am.
So even though jet-lag is alive and well and I have no idea how things will turn out as the night progresses, at least this time I will have some Eurovision song contest fun to watch while I pretend to have energy enough to play with the kids into the early hours if they do decide to party.
We headed out to a great park to see the ducks and play on the playground this afternoon so hopefully that will help them to sleep, who knows. We will be riding the wave of the jetlag for a while I am sure but I hope it eases so we can enjoy our time here.
Ok, I am fading fast. Off to search out some real Cadbury's chocolate and call it a night before anyone wakes up :)
Saturday, May 23, 2015
Thursday, May 7, 2015
Chrissie and the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.
It's just after 8pm, both kids have been sleeping for a while and Jeremy is working late so I am really appreciating the peace at the house right now.
It's been a day.
I contemplated calling Jeremy today and telling him I was done being home with the kids and was going to pick up some job applications. I was feeling beaten down by the constant defiance of my 2.5 year old and the cranky, tantrum throwing of my non-verbal, frustrated one year old. Boy, oh boy it was a doozy. Even before 8am things were not going well, so I knew it would be a long day.
I am still trying to find my rhythm with having two babies, its been over a year and the constant struggle of meeting the sometimes very different but equally pressing needs of two very precious babies is still anxiety inducing. I am exhausted with the juggling act, even more so on days when it feels like I dropped every ball.
There are moments when I look at my babies and my heart just bursts with gratitude (usually when they are sleeping) but most of the waking moments are too busy for many thoughts at all beyond, "Which one of them is that smell coming from this time?" I allow myself to get absorbed too frequently, and for too long on Facebook, or Instagram or anything that takes me away from the heaviness of feeling like I am not enough. And I eat a lot of chocolate. Neither are good or productive ways to change my situation but in the moment that offer some balm.
I feel like I am failing. I want my kids to feel loved, feel known, feel protected, and sometimes I just get so frustrated that I can't do it all. In the middle of all the frustration I try to grab a moment and call out to God, "Help me!" It is usually out of those moments where I am completely out of my own resources that the most beautiful parenting moments come. Thank you, Lord!
This afternoon, after the baby melted down and fought her nap for about 45 minutes before FINALLY going to sleep, and after the non-napping toddler had his meltdown and then snuggled on the couch with Grandma and Thomas the train for a while, he and i went outside to enjoy the beautiful weather. Yesterdays rain had left lots of water in buckets over in Levi's digging spot and soon the whole place became a mud pit. He stripped down and splashed and jumped to his hearts delight. After her nap, baby girl came and joined in the mud fun. It was so much fun (until I had to hose them off so that they could come inside and we could really shower them off and then bathe them!) I delighted in the simplicity of the moment. The squeals of laughter, the warm sun, being fully present; together.
After the mud we came inside. Nora spent the rest of the time before dinner sporting her "ba pa" (backpack), her new sun hat and one shoe. She was insistent that she only wanted one shoe. I loved knowing her in those ways, seeing her crazy, quirky opinions being very loudly and clearly stated despite her lack of words. Levi donned a construction helmet as a baseball helmet and became Kyle Seager from the Seattle Mariners hitting home runs and running round the house cheering himself on. He is such a goof ball at times and again, I felt as though I truly saw him tonight.
We are a simple meal and then I put the babies to bed. Read stories, snuggled them and watched them fall sweetly asleep. (Early too, so all that playing out in the mud was a win-win!)
It's not all moonlight and roses. Far from it. And with all the traveling and changes as we move into a new house it will take a while to get into routine and find our new normal but I am going to be trying hard to remember to take time and enjoy the simple moments, knowing they will be passing by so fast.
Even when days are hard, there will be a smile, or a laugh that can turn a tough day into a slightly better one.
Hang in there, mamas. We got this.
It's been a day.
I contemplated calling Jeremy today and telling him I was done being home with the kids and was going to pick up some job applications. I was feeling beaten down by the constant defiance of my 2.5 year old and the cranky, tantrum throwing of my non-verbal, frustrated one year old. Boy, oh boy it was a doozy. Even before 8am things were not going well, so I knew it would be a long day.
I am still trying to find my rhythm with having two babies, its been over a year and the constant struggle of meeting the sometimes very different but equally pressing needs of two very precious babies is still anxiety inducing. I am exhausted with the juggling act, even more so on days when it feels like I dropped every ball.
There are moments when I look at my babies and my heart just bursts with gratitude (usually when they are sleeping) but most of the waking moments are too busy for many thoughts at all beyond, "Which one of them is that smell coming from this time?" I allow myself to get absorbed too frequently, and for too long on Facebook, or Instagram or anything that takes me away from the heaviness of feeling like I am not enough. And I eat a lot of chocolate. Neither are good or productive ways to change my situation but in the moment that offer some balm.
I feel like I am failing. I want my kids to feel loved, feel known, feel protected, and sometimes I just get so frustrated that I can't do it all. In the middle of all the frustration I try to grab a moment and call out to God, "Help me!" It is usually out of those moments where I am completely out of my own resources that the most beautiful parenting moments come. Thank you, Lord!
This afternoon, after the baby melted down and fought her nap for about 45 minutes before FINALLY going to sleep, and after the non-napping toddler had his meltdown and then snuggled on the couch with Grandma and Thomas the train for a while, he and i went outside to enjoy the beautiful weather. Yesterdays rain had left lots of water in buckets over in Levi's digging spot and soon the whole place became a mud pit. He stripped down and splashed and jumped to his hearts delight. After her nap, baby girl came and joined in the mud fun. It was so much fun (until I had to hose them off so that they could come inside and we could really shower them off and then bathe them!) I delighted in the simplicity of the moment. The squeals of laughter, the warm sun, being fully present; together.
After the mud we came inside. Nora spent the rest of the time before dinner sporting her "ba pa" (backpack), her new sun hat and one shoe. She was insistent that she only wanted one shoe. I loved knowing her in those ways, seeing her crazy, quirky opinions being very loudly and clearly stated despite her lack of words. Levi donned a construction helmet as a baseball helmet and became Kyle Seager from the Seattle Mariners hitting home runs and running round the house cheering himself on. He is such a goof ball at times and again, I felt as though I truly saw him tonight.
We are a simple meal and then I put the babies to bed. Read stories, snuggled them and watched them fall sweetly asleep. (Early too, so all that playing out in the mud was a win-win!)
It's not all moonlight and roses. Far from it. And with all the traveling and changes as we move into a new house it will take a while to get into routine and find our new normal but I am going to be trying hard to remember to take time and enjoy the simple moments, knowing they will be passing by so fast.
Even when days are hard, there will be a smile, or a laugh that can turn a tough day into a slightly better one.
Hang in there, mamas. We got this.
Monday, May 4, 2015
So much to say, so little time...
I have opened Blogger about a dozen times in the past couple of weeks with the intention of sharing a little bit of what's happening in our lives. It's been a great time of change and learning for our family in so many ways but because of all the changing and learning I can't seem to get started with getting anything down on "paper" and then the five minute window I had is gone and I am no closer to finishing a blog :)
The biggest news is that we made an offer on a house and it was ACCEPTED. It only took 9 months :) It is slightly outside the area that we had initially looked in but the competition and the sellers market had meant we had lost out on other houses so we broadened our search area and this house is just across the border from where we had been looking! Its walking distance to a few sets of good friends and even though the schools are not rated quite as highly, we feel confident that this is the place God has for our family.
While we are very excited that this has happened, a part of me is so scared to be alone with the kiddos during the day again. We have fallen into a great routine here with Jeremy's parents, they are retired and around in the day time so the kids have lots of attention. This also means I can put one down for nap while someone else settles the other one, or even just keeps the other one busy. I need to pray hard about how to restructure our days to get things done when I am the only pair of eyes and hands again, or Levi will start watching a lot more TV:)
I am eager to make our home.
It's going to be like Christmas to unpack our storage unit and rediscover all the things we have been without. I am also anticipating we will be getting rid of a lot of things we have lived without and do not want to welcome back into our lives.
I want to sign off before one of the babies wakes up from nap, so this actually gets posted.
In short, Yay for a faithful God who brought us through and brought us to this wonderful house, and for all the friends and family who have loved and prayed for us along the way. We look forward to a wonderful summer in our new place as we entertain you :)
The biggest news is that we made an offer on a house and it was ACCEPTED. It only took 9 months :) It is slightly outside the area that we had initially looked in but the competition and the sellers market had meant we had lost out on other houses so we broadened our search area and this house is just across the border from where we had been looking! Its walking distance to a few sets of good friends and even though the schools are not rated quite as highly, we feel confident that this is the place God has for our family.
While we are very excited that this has happened, a part of me is so scared to be alone with the kiddos during the day again. We have fallen into a great routine here with Jeremy's parents, they are retired and around in the day time so the kids have lots of attention. This also means I can put one down for nap while someone else settles the other one, or even just keeps the other one busy. I need to pray hard about how to restructure our days to get things done when I am the only pair of eyes and hands again, or Levi will start watching a lot more TV:)
I am eager to make our home.
It's going to be like Christmas to unpack our storage unit and rediscover all the things we have been without. I am also anticipating we will be getting rid of a lot of things we have lived without and do not want to welcome back into our lives.
I want to sign off before one of the babies wakes up from nap, so this actually gets posted.
In short, Yay for a faithful God who brought us through and brought us to this wonderful house, and for all the friends and family who have loved and prayed for us along the way. We look forward to a wonderful summer in our new place as we entertain you :)
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