Tuesday, December 22, 2009


As websters says, "the act of looking forward; especially : pleasurable expectation"

I have sack loads of anticipation for the new year. I love looking forward, dreaming, hoping and planning and looking back at all we have seen, done and learned in 2009.

This has been a big year for me, for us. We bought a house, we got engaged and married and pregnant (just kidding about the last one, geez give us a chance!!) We had to learn to live together, share our space and our time in a way new to both of us. We took on a large home project leaving us working late into the night for weeks. We have kept ourselves busy and that has been fun, and at times challenging. We have made many adjustments, but something tells me we have many, many more to come.

We have laughed and cried together, we have filed for and got my green card - yay!

Christmas is the celebration of Christ coming to earth as a baby, bringing life and salvation. We celebrate the life we have been given, the days we have had to live, and anticipate all God has in store for us in the coming year.

And now to think of some new years resolutions...watch this space!

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Just another Sunday night...

The fire was lit in the living room and we set out the pieces of the gingerbread train. I knew this would be a fun night!

I love these quiet times together. Laughing as the frosting drips off the cookies onto the table - or from the bag straight in Jeremy's mouth (gross) Creating something together, even if it was just a gingerbread train!

After the train we sat by the fire and read a chapter of a marriage book called 'His needs, her needs' It highlights the top 5 emotional needs of men and women, and talks about why they are important. It is starting some good, hard, honest, funny, revealing and necessary conversation for us. So the flames flickered in the fireplace and we read and shared.

To top this romantic night off, Jeremy reminded me we needed to do our teeth whitening. We both got trays made for our mouths and free whitening stuff when we joined our dentist as new patients! So now we are lisping to each other as we tidy up and get ready for bed!

This blend of intentional fun time and everyday life feels like an important balance to find as we move forward with our marriage.

P.s. I am SO glad we have finished with our Christmas shopping and did not have to brave the crowds at Northgate today - yikes!

Thursday, December 17, 2009

The simple things

I LOVE the Christmas season, but the simple pleasures of life can seem to get lost amongst all the wrapping paper and twinkle lights. Last night I made stuffed peppers for dinner for Jeremy and I, a favourite of his. We sat at the table, candles flickering just sharing about our day. We sat by the fire and took turns reading a book aloud together, the warm fire being the perfect desert!
Jeremy left to play basket ball and I set about making some soup while watching the finale of 'So you think you can dance'. (Such beautiful dances, so much talent - did you see it? Who was your favourite?!)

What a wonderful night. Good food. Intimate conversation. Hoping and dreaming about the future. A warm fireplace. Time and space to create. A hug from my husband. Each such special gifts.

Christmas is a wonderful time and all the sparkle only makes it better, but the reason is the celebration of Christ coming to earth as a baby. Bringing him with him the gift of salvation. He gives true life.

As I sit in in the quiet, I am reminded to take stock of each moment and every opportunity. To recognise and be thankful for every day I have to live. In this light, I make better choices for how I spend my time and better appreciate the people in my life. In these moments of awareness I see all I have and at the same time recognise my own unworthiness. This revelation in turn makes my heart more generous, it grows my desire to give.

I am looking forward to Christmas for a million reasons, but along the way I really want to take time with family and friends to experience and appreciate the simple things. To remember the birth of that special baby and the life he has given me.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Thoughts about Christmas and stuff

Last night, our dear friends Zach and Amanda and their kids, Zara and Caden came over for dinner. It was a time to share a meal and open presents because we won't be together this Christmas. It was really special for me to see the way Zara and Caden have embraced Jeremy! It was so nice to have our home full of laughter and conversation, our home is beginning to truly be the place we dreamed and prayed it would be.

Zach and Amanda gave us a book to record Christmas memories for many years to come. I am so looking forward to filling these now empty pages with pictures and stories though the years. As I flicked through the pages of the book, Jeremy and I looked at each other and said, "wow, that's a lot of years".

At the end of a week where things haven't been all moonlight and roses in our house, it was a gentle reminder and reassurance that we are in this marriage together. We are a unit. We can look ahead at what OUR future will hold, and have an expectation and joy about the memories we will make and share.

Our non-perfect week was mostly us still adjusting to being attached to another person and sharing space. Both Jeremy and I being firstborns in our family have strong personalities and also a strong sense of entitlement and are used to getting our own way. This leads to some interesting discussions and for me is a reminder that I am a very imperfect person!

My own selfishness is paralyzing at times and my movie-based expectations of marriage rear their ugly heads and mess with our real life! As we move into this holiday season, Jeremy and I are realising that we missed some important discussions regarding this time of year. Both of us are just used to doing Christmas our own way. Somehow life got away from us for a week or two and suddenly we saw our Christmas plans, preparations and thinking had not been the same at all. It is at times like this I understand why people say the first two years of marriage are the hardest. It feels like you would have to walk through seasons and celebrations together at least a couple of times to get (mostly) on the same page. So many of our expectations and assumptions simply come from our life experience - which have not been exactly the same.

For Jeremy and I, our conflict mostly occurs from the extreme places of our personality differences. He and I are pretty much total opposites, which I believe is one of our relationship strengths as well as a place of conflict. We compliment each other in ways that enable the other to become a better person. However, this means at the most extreme points of some of our personality traits we become more of a challenge for the other person to understand! I guess it is a good thing that this 'hard to reach' thing is felt in equal measure for both of us!! It might be a struggle in some moments but it calls us to have integrity, transparency and honesty in our relationship every day. It takes us to a place of trust in the Lord and the work of transformation he is doing in both our hearts.

It is true that marriage is a gift, but I liken it to being given a pet. In this scenario Jeremy is NOT the pet, instead he and I have both been given the pet. It is a gift that comes with responsibility and a need to be cared for, but in return it can give so much joy!!

Speaking of joy - had many hours (literally) of laughter this past weekend trying to take our 2009 Christmas card picture with the self-timer on the camera. We tried taking the picture in a few different places around our house, but with fading light and challenges in our photogenic-ness amid fits of laughter, we settled on this one!

and I couldn't resist sharing this one too even though it didn't make the final cut! Jeremy thought he loked weird? I guess maybe he does a little bit but I still like it.

Saturday, December 12, 2009


Tonight was full of Christmas cheer. We met up with some friends, and walked around Greenlake for their pathway of lights.

They put luminaries on both sides of the pathway around the lake. The groups of carol singers foster the Christmas cheer around the lake as does the Starbucks hot chocolate (or coffee, pick your poison). People dress up wearing Christmas hats, and adorn baby strollers, and even dogs with twinkle lights. This night also provides an opportunity to show off flashing Christmas earings or broaches in all their glaring glory!

After the walk, Jeremy and I came home and I took him up on his offer to watch a Christmas movie - I think he forgot when he made the offer that by nature most Christmas movies are sappy, and many star Sandra Bullock and/or Hugh Grant! After many suggestions he conceded to watch on 'Love Actually'. Jeremy had never seen it before (I know, how could I have married him without checking that he had at least a few lines from this movie committed to memory?!)

It was a wonderful Christmas evening. It is one I would like to reproduce in the years to come.

Since I moved to Seattle, I have spent many of my Christmas seasons overseas with teams for YWAM. As Jeremy and I start our married life together we have been considering the traditions we want to embrace. Walking in the candlelight, bundled up warm with hot drinks in hand is one tradition we want to remember for next year.

As Christmas approaches in the years to come what will be the things we'll look forward to?

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Post-wedding weight gain?

When my husband offers to make breakfast, there is no messing around.

Yes, that is a stack of bacon waffles waiting to be drowned in syrup (hummm...death by syrup, not a bad way to go really?)

Hope I still fit in my dress on February 20th when we are back to England for our blessing and reception number two.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Baby, it's cold outside

Jacket on, boots on, open the front door - Wowzers, glaring sunshine! Run back up the stairs for my sunglasses. Sunglasses in December, that's just how we're rolling in the pacific northwest these days. I am full of anticipation that my errand of walking to the store will be fruitful because of what I will get to make upon my return. My use of the word fruitful may have been misleading in reality my list had no fruit on it. It consisted of an 8oz block of cooking chocolate, a bag of chocolate chunks and some onions. (The onions were for a different recipe)

I digress...as I left the house my daydreams of chocolate chunk cookies kept me warm for a few blocks before reality hit. And by reality I mean frost bite. It has been a long time since I have been that cold and I think I was in the boonies of Tibet - no exaggeration, in fact, Tibet may have been warmer. I was too far gone in the direction of the store to return and bundle myself in more layers. I knew if I went home I would not venture out again that day, knowing the cold fate that awaited me. My determination for the cookie ingredients, fueled by my overwhelming desire to eat said cookies kept me going until I got to my sacred place, Albertson's.

Inside the warm and wonderful grocery store I wished that I had a much longer list which would keep me inside for longer. Sadly, my shopping came to an end very quickly. As I browsed up and down aisles of glorious yummies, I had the stark realisation that number 1, I WOULD have to leave the store at some point and head back into the arctic conditions outside (the fate of the cookies depended on it) and number 2, that if I left with a mountain of extra shopping in tow, I not only would be cold but I would also be very frustrated at having to carry such heavy bags. I put back my non essentials and left with the things on my list, some freezer bags, vegetable broth and bread. Not bad for me. Also as an impulse buy at the register I got one of the 99 cent re-usable grocery bags which on that day could not have felt more like a Christmas miracle, the longer straps meant I could carry it over my shoulder making the whole things way more manageable.

One thing I have never fully appreciated about Seattle until now is that we have coffee shops IN our grocery stores. Albertson's is home to a Tulley's Coffee and before I ventured back outside I stopped by and picked up an extra hot, decaf, peppermint mocha. And yes, I got whipped cream on it, judge me if you will but any extra fat I am carrying is just good insulation at this point! My groceries over one shoulder and my purse over the other left my gloved hands free to sip away as I walked home. Each step being moment closer to the cookies. I made it home in 10 minutes.

The Rosie Thomas Christmas album blaring, I baked the cold away and ended up making the best chocolate cookies in the world.

I am having some girls over tonight for the annual viewing of 'While you were sleeping', I hope to offload some of the chocolate goodness on them.

Where ever you are today stay warm. I hope the joy of the season is filling your heats...

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Carpet - check. Holidays here we come!

Now I can finally stop blogging about carpet!
After many long hours of painting, ripping out old carpet and hauling furniture (thank you so much to those who helped us) we had our carpet installed last Friday. It looks great, feels wonderful and most of our house is put back together in perfect time for us to decorate for the holidays!! Yay!

I am so excited to make everything sparkly. We bought our stocking holders this weekend all ready to go on our brand new mantel!

Starting to think about Christmas lists, Christmas shopping and other things Christmas-y!! I love giving gifts, and I pride myself in being able to find the perfect gifts for people every holiday, so this is a long thought out process for me. I now have another set of people to find gifts for, and especially a husband! Boys in general are harder to buy for, and Jeremy is no exception. The hardest thing about buying for him is that he has pretty much everything he needs, he is a man of simple tastes and if there are strange gadgets or cords he needs for his guitar or the computer I would have no idea where to start. I have a few things up my sleeve but I hope inspiration will hit while I am at the mall, or searching online!

I just love the look on someones face when they unwrap something they have wanted. That feeling that someone took the time to find the perfect present. I love feeling that way and I love giving the gift of that feeling to others.
Of course, if all of the gifts I bought were for 4 year old girls I could knock it out of the park every time - if it is pink and sparkles it's good!

I am excited to begin new holiday traditions as a couple,and within our community as we celebrate together.

Happy Holidays to you x

Monday, November 9, 2009

And the paint goes on...

We are spending all of our spare time, paintbrushes in hand getting the house ready for the new carpet. I know, I know, i have mentioned this many times before BUT we actually set a date for the install... (drum roll please) Friday November 20th.

I am so excited! We still have lots to do but with the end in sight I know it will all get done. Just as a little colour update we decided on a light yellow for our guest room and a very dark blue almost purple for the other room. We have to decide if we are going to try and paint all the hallway too - and have to finalise the colour for that, but I won't let a crazy week and a half dampen my excitement for our house to be back together.

I realise again that I am very much an example of life reflecting art - when my home is in chaos, my mind has a hard time not being in chaos too. It can be hard to find a place of peace in our house with doors off hinges, dust everywhere, bare floorboards and furniture and stuff everywhere! I think this effects Jeremy even more than myself. He is much more of an introvert than me and gets of restoration from quiet alone time, a rarity at the moment.

As we head towards thanksgiving in a couple of weeks I am more and more thankful and aware of the blessing of our home. I can't wait to be able to use it as a place to welcome people and offer a safe and warm place to come and be known and cared for. I look forward to the times we will share with family and friends within the walls - whatever colour they are!

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

One year and counting - I am blessed

The sun is shining and the vibrant reds and oranges of the leaves are made even brighter against the blue sky. It is a perfect fall day, and yes, I have already had my pumpkin spice latte! I also just ate the most delicious satsuma and am still smelling the citrus in the air.

This weekend was really special because it marked one year of my relationship with Jeremy, but it turned out to be so much more than just that celebration, so I thought I would share.

Friday night Jeremy and I went to a housewarming party, thrown by and for my friend Rachel at her new house. I saw lots of good friends, some we haven't seen since the wedding. It is still a struggle for us to know how to best combine our single lives in terms of the friends we have. How much do we continue these friendships as they have been and how much can and should we bring one another into these relationships? Parties like the one on Friday provided an opportunity for Jeremy to be with these people who mean so much to me, for us all to hang out, laugh, share stories and build and deepen relationship. The black lights they had around the house making everyones teeth and the whites of everyones eyes looks really creepy didn't inhibit conversation too much!!

(Because it was SO delicious, I have to make a shout out to the dessert coffee i had at Tutta Bella restaurant before the party. Jeremy had suggested we grab some dessert and it was a rainy night so anything chocolate sounded good, when doesn't it? He took me to my favourite restaurant, shared some gelato and I got the best tasting little cup of yum I have ever tasted; CaffÉ cioccolato, it's a Chocolate latte with Nutella, steamed milk and espresso. Ok, now I am drooling - on with the story, step away from the chocolate day dreaming!!)

Saturday we had planned a work day at the house and we ploughed through painting and carpet ripping up. Jeremy and I really enjoyed working together. Sometimes we just end up snipping at each other when we are tired and the list seems endless but the fun at the party and a good nights sleep set the foundation for an enjoyable and productive work day.

We had some Halloween plans but after we sat down and began thinking about costumes, it was past 8.30pm and we were enjoying the Trick or Treat-ers who were coming to the door. I love living in a neighbourhood! We gave in to our old tired selves and stayed home! We also managed to offload some of our excess wedding bubbles with the candy we handed out. Score!

Sunday was our offficial one year anniversary (even though by about 6 months in Jeremy was wishing me happy month-a-versary on the first of every month!) I'm glad we still have some wedding month-a-versaries left! I can't believe it has been a whole year since we got together. What a year it has been! In some ways it feels like we just started out on this adventure, but in many other ways it feels so natural to be together I can't really remember life without him. We went out to breakfast which was a perfect celebration.

Sunday night I was able to celebrate again, but this time with many special girl friends at my post-wedding, wedding shower. What a great friends, what amazing desserts. I felt so very blessed.

I arrived home pretty late and Jeremy was in bed, but sitting on my pillow was a really sweet card propped against a fluffy and o-so-soft stuffed animal cat. Jeremy can play his cards pretty close to his chest so this was a big deal!

I felt so very blessed. It was a great weekend all around. In fact, great doesn't even come close to covering it. I recognised again the gifts in my live; my husband, my community, my home.

Thank you Jesus. Give me a heart that remains thankful in these times, and when things get hard. Help my to hold loosely to the things of this world and tightly to you.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

It all comes down to faith...

Since I got married, I am learning every day that I am more selfish than I realised, more controlled than I like and more self-sufficient than I would believe. In our marriage I am seeing a reflection of myself that needs some transformation. So how have I been handling this revelation? That's right, I fixate on Jeremy's areas of weakness and spend my time trying to help/encourage/nag him to change.

I see these flaws in myself and how they are a result of the story of my life. I am scared at the transformation needed to be the person I want to be. I think, "tomorrow I will start to work on it", and so the overwhelming procrastination continues. Of course when tomorrow arrives, I have no more discipline or self control than today. It is no easier to change then, why would it be? I am not sure what I am expecting but somehow promising myself that tomorrow I will suddenly muster the the strength to break patterns of behaviour, take away those emotional crutches and be the person I hear God calling me to be soothes my spirit enough until the conviction passes.

It feel much easier to "support" Jeremy in his transformation than face the discomfort and challenge of my own. How righteous of me...erm? not.

Its time for a change. It is almost 9pm and I am starting to move my timeline already. Earlier today, (as I do most days) I said to myself, "tomorrow I will work out, I will read my Bible, I will turn off the television, I will make good food choices, I will be kinder, more generous, less judgemental, I will gossip less, encourage more and generally be the person I know (with Gods strength) I can be. However, now tomorrow seems pretty close and I am thinking that starting after the weekend will be a better goal.

I know making these changes will be uncomfortable and will make me face my demons in a way that I don't want to. I see that while the truth, written in brackets in paragraph above, that it is in God's strength alone I can be what he is calling me to be. I am not asking Him because I am afraid of what life will be like if I do. It might require more of me than I am able to give to give and I am clearly not trusting God to give we the rest of what I need. I am trying to be these things in my own strength to remain in control of my life.

It seems noble, to go after being the person God is calling me to be, but I am only wanting it on my terms - that's so far from noble its just plain knobbly!

How much do I really want to accept His invitation to be the person he has in mind, and how much do I want to hide behind my own procrastination and sit in this land of in between? It's not even that comfortable here anymore because every day I just feel like I am a failure - score one for the enemy because it is really a question of my faith.

Do I really believe that the life God is calling me to will fulfill me? Do I believe he will sustain me, and help me overcome temptation if I am only willing to ask? Do I have the faith to let go of my own agenda and plans and let God work though me? I have to step out in faith to see Gods plans unfold. Like when in the Torah, when God first set the principles in place to help alleviate poverty including crop rotation and gleanings. The people didn't understand the way the soil needed to regenerate, and their very lives were depending on their farming. They had to step out in faith, put into practice the things God was asking of them and just let his plans and purposes be. Tr using Him and believing in His love for us. To help us in making the invisible God visible in and through our lives.

I do believe, but help me overcome my unbelief Mark 9:24

Monday, October 19, 2009

"Enjoy every day. Even the rainy ones."

That was written on a memorial plate by a public bench I was sitting on. It was a misty day looking out over the water and I thought what a beautiful reminder that sentiment was to make me stop and consider all the wonderful things about my day.

This morning I had to go and have a cleaning at the dentist. The dentist's office is in a glass fronted building over looking the Puget sound, so while I was mouth open I could look out and enjoy the view.

Sipping away on a pumpkin spice latte to ward off the chill in the air.

Coming home to a house that I love. Making it my own with paint and love, and 5.30pm when Jeremy and I realise again how wonderful it is to have someone to come home to!

Left over Chinese food for lunch which bring back memories of a fun evening spent with family.

New boots to keep my feet cosy.

Making our grocery list for the week. There are so many soup recipes I want to try! I am loving the autumn fruit and vegetables. So colourful and so tasty.

What a wonderful day!

Tuesday, October 13, 2009


It was a slow day today, I didn't feel great. When Jeremy got home from work he made us dinner and then ran me a bath, put a towel as a pillow for my head and lit candles. While I soaked away the day, I could hear him banging and drilling as he pulled up carpet on the stairs preparing for our imminent install.

I could never have orchestrated my life to be what I am living today. As I sit next to my husband, watching him enjoy 'Shark Tank'on TV, I feel so blessed. This man is such a gift to me. I get more and more excited about the life God has given us.

Each day I am more amazed at the man God put in my life. I see new facets of him every day and continue to be amazed at the way God knew exactly what I needed in a partner - so much more than I did.

Many of the details of my life are up in the air at the moment, school, job, etc but how can I not trust the God that has brought me this far to take me to somewhere good? I know that His plans for me are to give me a future and a hope.

Monday, October 12, 2009

Let's get 'er done

House stuff. We have been slowly but steadily working on some home improvements and this week we have decided to really try and make some headway - I say we decided but it probably has something to do with Home Depot only being willing to store our new carpet for a limited amount of time before they want to install it.

We have what feels like miles of baseboard to paint so that is the big project for today, making some headway there.

I can't wait to have our house back.

I am recognising more and more how clutter around me is reflected in my ability to think clearly. For my our peace of mindand by extension, Jeremy's I am ready to get this project finished.

With the holiday season fast approaching I am ready to have a home we can invite people to without fear that they will injure themselves!

Friday, October 9, 2009

Delight yourself in the Lord

This summer I was a bride and tomorrow, for the first time I have the honor of being a bridesmaid in my close friend Lindsey's wedding. I am very aware of the nervous anticipation welling inside of me and so I am silently praying that Lindsey's heart is at peace tonight! With all the wedding prep this week I have be remembering all the pre-wedding excitement, nerves, to-do lists and unknowns of our wedding. As wonderful as our day turned out to be, I was happy to see it end and to start the rest of our lives. I am also hit with the reality that that the days leading up to our wedding are times that you can't replicate. As Jeremy and I worked through the final details of the wedding, as our friends and family came into town to be a part of the celebration it was the beginning of our lives truly beginning to blend. They were days filled with eternal possibility and unlimited hope.

Before walking through these days I had no idea how special they would turn out to be. As I watch Lindsey and Rob embrace the joy and anticipation of these final hours of singledom I had begun to feel sad that they were in the past for Jeremy and I. The sadness is still there in a small way, but there is a smile on my face as those feelings come flooding back with my memories. I am now thinking ahead to the future and how many more special times like that God will surprise us with. I am starting to recognise a little bubble in my heart which is full of that hope and wonder. Our wedding was such a dream come true, it inflated my heart to a place where it had never felt so wonderfully full. As life has moved into every day, an air pocket remains. Hope, joy and hidden dreams linger, ready to be awakened and realised.

For a long time my single status was a real barrier in my relationship with the Lord. I had cried so many tears, pounded my fists, pleaded and screamed. I met Jeremy just three weeks after a really painful prayer time where, kneeling on the floor with my face tear stained, I looked up and cried out, "Will anyone ever love me enough, will I ever get my diamond?"! As hard as it was to wait to meet Jeremy, I knew in my heart that God was calling me to a season of patience, trust and preparation. As much as the truth was hard to bare, I wasn't ready to be a wife before. This deep sense of purpose in my single life made the hard days easier to bear, and made them much fewer and farther between than when I was focusing so much of my energy on manipulating life to get me into a relationship!

As soon as Jeremy came on the scene, I had a deep and true sense of God's hand at work, and when just a few weeks into our dating relationship we began talking about marriage I had a true sense of peace and purpose about us. I never imagined I would be someone who would have been so sure so fast, let alone someone who would be married less than 10 months after I began a relationship. That was God's timing at work. And it was perfect, and a surprise blessing. Way bigger and far beyond what I could have planned for myself.

It is thrilling to walk into the future not knowing what other blessings God has in store. It is still a process to fully let go of my plans and my timing, but I am trying. I believe with my whole being that God gives us the desires of our heart. We just need to be open to looking inside ourselves and with humility see that perhaps we are not yet ready to go where we want. I didn't know even a small piece of the joy the events of our wedding would bring. I could never have made it happen and I trust that there are many more wonderful surprises to come. Our creator moulded our hearts, he knows us more deeply than we will ever know ourselves and he delights in giving us good things.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

To know and be known

The learning curve for Jeremy and I as newly weds is a huge one, as I am sure it is with all newly blissed couples! Life feels like a roller coaster. It includes the anticipation of what's to come, the excitement and thrill of the ride and a little fear and discomfort of the unknown thrown in for good measure.

Last night, Jeremy and I had a date night. We got in our PJ's, ate pizza, watched a movie, and drank a few beers. We have already seen how easy it could be to have a week pass by without us spending quality time together. As well as the joking and laughing, our date nights always seem to include some deep conversation. Making time to enjoy one another and be still together, sets the scene for asking real questions and having the time to listen to the answers. Whether these conversations end with hugs, laughter or tears I have to battle the feeling of being exposed and vulnerable and make a choice to embrace the joy of deepening real intimacy with my husband, and he has to do the same.

Real intimacy is something that society as a whole resists. We live in a world where we feel like we know the personalities from 'reality' TV shows better than we know our neighbours. We collect 'friends' on facebook, and find a few seconds to poke them or spend a few minutes looking through their online photo album and that fills some need for connection, at least for that moment.

With the internet, TV and movies we are fed images and characters depicting the 'norms' of life. We are no longer shocked by extra marital affairs, in fact our TV dramas write so poetically we are sometimes drawn in to stories and are pulling for a character to leave his or her husband to be with this new love?!
I am not sure at which point life reflects art and when it is the other way around.

I feel so blessed to be a part of a church community which although flawed as we all are, seems to have at it's core a message of intimacy. An invitation to true community and teaching that supports these values. I am so encouraged to have friends who desire true intimacy and community in the way I do and I truly believe that my marriage will be better because Jeremy and I have a place to share our lives, and an opportunity to share in the lives of others.

True intimacy is uncomfortable but we are designed for it. The reasons people turn to so many other vices is to fill that void, a gaping hole where intimate relationship should be. With the Lord and with others.

I am starting to see that our real conversation is bringing Jeremy and I closer together. As foreign as intimacy feels at first, we are choosing to be honest and transparent in our conversation. We are not looking for an easy way out. In voicing our hopes, our fears, our sadness and our joy we are inviting the other to really know our true selves. The good, the bad and the ugly.

Our intimacy will continue to build, as we continue to be intentional to make that a priority. We must make time to have fun together, to laugh together and to really listen to one another. When we open up to another person we give them an opportunity to love us in the best way possible, but at the same time we open ourselves to a hurt that will take our breath away. You can't have one without the other, these fruit grow on the same tree, the tree of intimacy.

Lord, give us all opportunities to grow in intimacy. Give us courage to say yes to the invitations you give us, and grant us grace to walk this path of intimacy with each other. Help us to look to you for the example of true love, and to offer our lives and hearts to you fully.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009


In my humble opinion there is nothing more wonderful than the change of season from summer to fall. The colours turning from the bright greens to the vibrant reds, oranges and yellows. The chill in the air, calling us to hunt to the back of the closet and pull out cozy sweaters.

This change is another reminder of God's design. Seasons. Each of us has a favourite season, and probably a least favourite one too and perhaps we love or dread the same season because we have a different response to something it holds. In the winter when the snow falls my spirit just soars but I know that for many people this freezing white powder is something to dread, it is cold and isolating.

In seasons of life the same thing happens. In seasons of change some people thrive and others flounder. Generally speaking I would say I fall into the latter catagory. This autumn is truly a new season for me and one full of changes. I moved from being single to married, from working with YWAM to somthing else? I have many things to adjust to. Part of this adjusting has been easy and good. I have someone to share my day with, to hold my hand and to take care of me when I am sick, but there are other components to this change that are harder. My life is shared, I am faced with the ugliness of my own selfishness as I struggle with no longer having sole control of my time, my money or the remote control!

As I type this, I am babysitting for my friends Tim and Sarah. Their daughter Lucy is almost 5 months old and is currently napping. I have known Tim and Sarah for a while and watched them go from being single to married and more recently watched them enter their season of parenthood. As for Lucy, she is growing and changing every day. As little as she is, she has already gone through many seasons. From laying on her back kicking her legs, to rolling, and soon she'll be fully mobile! She moved from needing to be rocked to sleep to now being able to sooth herself.

Life is a series of seasons. Some of them pleasant, some frustrating, others painful and every once in a while we get a glimpse of heaven in a season full of joy, peace and love.

Lord, grant me the stength and integrity to face this new season. To recognise sin in my heart and seek forgiveness and to be transormed by your spirit. Help me embrace the opportunities of this new season with joy and continue to be thankful for all the blessings in my life.

Monday, October 5, 2009

Hot water and idols

I am pleased to report that Jeremy and his Dad successfully installed the new hot water heater and now we have hot water and lots of it, Jeremy is especially pleased with the new addition!

Today I spent time visiting with one of our former YWAM students, Anna. She is in town for a few days from Texas. Over coffee and plum crisp (thank you Heather) we caught up one some of the main events from the past couple of years. It was a blessing to have time to stop and revisit some of the wonderful things that have happened, and healing to look back on some of the struggles.

The last time Anna and I were in each others lives on a day to day basis, she was a student and I was on staff with YWAM. I was very much seeking the Lord about my future in that season. I was fearful that I would be single forever, and very unsure of where I would be living long term. Every night I was face down and God was getting an earful. He graciously heard my prayers and granted me the peace and clarity to stay strong in the place he had called me to and stilled my heart about the future. I had days when his voice was hard to hear amid my own longings and anxiety but most days I woke up thankful and joyful about my life.

Fast forward to today. I am in Seattle, tonight I get to be in my wonderful home, eating dinner with my husband and heading full steam ahead in to the next season.

I am reminded that a few years ago my dependency on the Lord to be my provider and security was very real and I new him tangibly in these ways. Through my relationship with Jeremy the Lord has shown me more of what Love is. Jeremy is my best friend, my confident, my other half and yet Jeremy is simply a gift from God. The Lord is still my true provider, and my hope. He is my rock and my salvation. It was the Lord who first taught me about the love of a bridegroom, so Jeremy has some pretty big shoes to fill!

Some days it feels so much easier to let Jeremy meet my needs rather than to turn to the Lord. When I need money or clothes, it is Jeremy I ask now. I was reminded at church last night that anything we turn to for provision or security is simply an idol. I do not want Jeremy or our marriage to be an idol or a distraction in my life. I want our marriage to be a reflection of Christs love. I want us to serve one another, put one anothers needs before our own, show grace, mercy, love and forgiveness. Mostly I want Jeremy and I to be allowing the other space to become all that God is calling us to, and be a catalyst and support for that transformation.

Perhaps Jeremy's name is on the cheque, but it's simply a vessel of Gods sovereign provision. God grant me eyes to see the truth, and a heart that is grateful for every blessing you have granted me.

Taking communion at our wedding (lindsaykennedyphotography.com)

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Just call me Martha...

My hope is to record some of our fun newly-wed adventures. I hope we will look back on it when we are old and grey and laugh as we reminisce! I also recognise how good it is for me to stop and to make time to sift through the experiences life is throwing my way. Thanks for joining me!

Today is Sunday, and I have been leisurely sitting on the couch planning out menus and shopping lists for the next couple of weeks. Being queen of my own kitchen has been such a wonderful new adventure! I discovered a passion for cooking while living with Amanda and sharing her kitchen for so many years. Now I have my own space to create and I am relishing the opportunity. Our kitchen is not the perfect kitchen, it is not remodelled, no granite here, but I love this space and what it represents. A place to call my own. A littl epiece of the world where I get to take ingredients and make good food for my family and friends. A time and place to enjoy God's daily provision in my life, and to be thankful.

So I'm sitting on our couch under a thick blanket, knee deep in Cooking light magazines and am finding yummy sounding recipes and making shopping lists. (The blanket is because Jeremy and his dad turned off the gas to replace the water heater and its freezing in here!)

Now the fall has finally arrived, I can begin to make all the delicious sounding soups that I have been tucking away for just this time of year! In the US pumpkins are big business cooked in recipes not just to make Halloween lanterns and one of the dishes I am most excited about making is pumpkin and red lentil curry. It has become a firm fall favourite over the last few years - my mouth is watering as I type!

Ok, I am signing off. This is my first post in a while and I think I need to ease in gently!

The start...

I thought the first post on this blog should include wedding pics, just a couple of my faves. It really happened. I met him, the man that looked me in the eyes on a cold and rainy night and asked me to be his wife. The man who carries my hopes and dreams as carefully as his own. The one who gets up early to make me breakfast in bed on my birthday. The one I have been waiting for.

I am so glad God brought us together and pray He will give us strength to weather all the seasons of life together.

All pictures by Lindsay Kennedy Photography, see LindsayKennedyPhotography.com


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