This summer I was a bride and tomorrow, for the first time I have the honor of being a bridesmaid in my close friend Lindsey's wedding. I am very aware of the nervous anticipation welling inside of me and so I am silently praying that Lindsey's heart is at peace tonight! With all the wedding prep this week I have be remembering all the pre-wedding excitement, nerves, to-do lists and unknowns of our wedding. As wonderful as our day turned out to be, I was happy to see it end and to start the rest of our lives. I am also hit with the reality that that the days leading up to our wedding are times that you can't replicate. As Jeremy and I worked through the final details of the wedding, as our friends and family came into town to be a part of the celebration it was the beginning of our lives truly beginning to blend. They were days filled with eternal possibility and unlimited hope.
Before walking through these days I had no idea how special they would turn out to be. As I watch Lindsey and Rob embrace the joy and anticipation of these final hours of singledom I had begun to feel sad that they were in the past for Jeremy and I. The sadness is still there in a small way, but there is a smile on my face as those feelings come flooding back with my memories. I am now thinking ahead to the future and how many more special times like that God will surprise us with. I am starting to recognise a little bubble in my heart which is full of that hope and wonder. Our wedding was such a dream come true, it inflated my heart to a place where it had never felt so wonderfully full. As life has moved into every day, an air pocket remains. Hope, joy and hidden dreams linger, ready to be awakened and realised.
For a long time my single status was a real barrier in my relationship with the Lord. I had cried so many tears, pounded my fists, pleaded and screamed. I met Jeremy just three weeks after a really painful prayer time where, kneeling on the floor with my face tear stained, I looked up and cried out, "Will anyone ever love me enough, will I ever get my diamond?"! As hard as it was to wait to meet Jeremy, I knew in my heart that God was calling me to a season of patience, trust and preparation. As much as the truth was hard to bare, I wasn't ready to be a wife before. This deep sense of purpose in my single life made the hard days easier to bear, and made them much fewer and farther between than when I was focusing so much of my energy on manipulating life to get me into a relationship!
As soon as Jeremy came on the scene, I had a deep and true sense of God's hand at work, and when just a few weeks into our dating relationship we began talking about marriage I had a true sense of peace and purpose about us. I never imagined I would be someone who would have been so sure so fast, let alone someone who would be married less than 10 months after I began a relationship. That was God's timing at work. And it was perfect, and a surprise blessing. Way bigger and far beyond what I could have planned for myself.
It is thrilling to walk into the future not knowing what other blessings God has in store. It is still a process to fully let go of my plans and my timing, but I am trying. I believe with my whole being that God gives us the desires of our heart. We just need to be open to looking inside ourselves and with humility see that perhaps we are not yet ready to go where we want. I didn't know even a small piece of the joy the events of our wedding would bring. I could never have made it happen and I trust that there are many more wonderful surprises to come. Our creator moulded our hearts, he knows us more deeply than we will ever know ourselves and he delights in giving us good things.