Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Life rolls on

I am halfway through this quarter of school and so far I am getting good grades and staying on top of assignments. I wish that I had taken an extra class here and there so I was already done with school but you know, shoulda coulda woulda. This is the situation and as my word of the year pronounces, I will (God willing) conquer it!

I have another target in my sight to conquer this year - actually in the first part of the year, and that is to get back to my pre-baby weight. Actually. I want to get back to wedding weight. The miscarriages did a number on my body and with each one a few more pounds found a permanent home. I didn't diet before my wedding, I was just at a steady weight and I would like to be back there. That means that I have between 15 and 20lbs to get rid of. We have a sunny vacation on the books for June and I would love to reach my oal by then. I found an eliptical for a stupidly low price on Craigslist after the new year and I have been trying to make time to get on it fro 30 minutes a day...this week I have actually managed it! I hate the part of exercising that means getting my bum off the couch after a full day of mummy-ing but I LOVE the feeling I get about 5 minutes in and how it makes me feel when I am done. It gives me so much more energy too. I wish I could find time to do it early morning but for now it works to do it when J first gets home. He gets his good time with the baby before bedtime and I get my "me" time. I also manage to get some reading in for my class which is truly killing 2 birds with 1 stone. Love to multitask when possible.

Life is busy. But let's be honest, when I'm busy I am way more productive. Idle hands being the devils play-things and all that good stuff. It's certainly true for me. I like to be busy. But I don't like to be too busy. It's a hard balance to find and I don't think I always do very good job at finding it a lot of the time but now with Levi here, I try to be better. I don't want to miss a beat of time with him. 

He continues to get cuter every day and is growing like a weed and learnin new things every day. It's crazy, and I feel as though if I blink I will miss something.

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

A Schedule to Conquer and First Bites

I do not do well without structure. This is not a new revelation to me, but it seems that no one gave Levi this information. Our days continue to be a hodge-podge of naps (some good some not so much), play time, eating and diapers. I suppose that's normal but I am longing to have some more predictability in my life.

I am taking a history class this quarter and being in school, even part time with a baby is a challenge when we don't have a set routine. I would love to spend his awake time giving him lots of really good attention but when I don't have guaranteed "me time" to study or work out or cook or clean I find all my time with him seems divided between him and another task. That, of course is an exaggeration, he gets plenty of undivided attention, but I believe that him sleeping longer and more regular naps would allow me to do lots of these tasks when he wasn't around. In a side note, I was convicted this weekend that i am spending too much of the time I spend with him behind a screen. Computer, TV, or phone, I want to put down and turn off these devices for the majority of the day. We actually decided that while Levi is awake during the day, we won't have the TV on at all. Partly so we are not distracted, but also because Levi is a little addict and cranes his neck to watch the tube at every opportunity.

I know that parenting is all about flexibility and I am willing to be flexible but I want to have parameters to be flexible within :)

I read two blogs this morning that were inspiring to me. Both my mothers of two, whose kids are slightly older than Levi but are an encouragement that their can be structure in parenting :) One wrote about her day, and when/how she is able to fit in chores, and activity planning as well as blogging while her girls are sleeping or having times of independent play. The other one wrote about having an evening routine which gets her prepared for the next day. Her routine includes time to read before bed which is something I have wanted to do forever.

So I am embracing the desire I have for structure and predictability and deciding to apply my word of the year. Conquer. I will conquer the chaos of my day to day. I will fight to make a schedule that I can stick to; one that has flexible times to accommodate Levi's napping. Giving myself a week to formulate it (remember, I have little to no time to do things like this!) and then start implementing.

In other news, something that is faairly predictable ids Levi's eating. He has yet to eet a food he doesn't like, although there have been a couple that don't like him - or perhaps that lie him too much because they don't want to leave his body in a timely manner.  Luckily his crazy jumping sessions in the Jumperoo help things along - sometimes. I know somethings up (or out) when the frantic bouncing stops and the intense staring and eye watering starts :)

Anyway, Levi has conquered eating the purees from a spoon, drinking water from a sippy with a straw and from a cup, and he is starting to refine is fine motor skills to be able to hold rusks and gnaw on them. I have some of the mesh food holders that you can put slices of pears, or pieces of banana or steamed carrots (as examples, in. Babies hold them and chew on the item in the mesh bag so they can eat but not get any lumps. I love the idea, even though it's messy and I am hoping it will encourage his hand eye coordination as he learns to feed himself. I am already starting to think dressing Levi in clothes that coordinate with the food he is eating is a good idea. I am sure that will only make more and more sense as he is more of a self feeder. Roll on rummer when I can st his naked except for a diaper butt in the high chair and let him go at it before hosing him down when he is done!!

I started looking at swim suits for Levi yesterday when I was fighting my cabin fever with a trip to Target. It suddenly hit me that when he needs a swim suit - I will need to be in one too. Yikes. Suddenly taking my long walks and getting on the elliptical even for a half hour a day seems much more vital to fit in :)

Go schedule!!!

I mentioned how much Levi loves to eat - this is his sad face when he realised that when I washed his face it had signaled no more food for that day. I am biased but I am pretty sure this is the cutest kid I have ever seen!

Friday, January 11, 2013

Dear Levi - Five months Old

I can't believe that another month has passed already.

You have become such a fun buddy to spend y days with. You have started rolling from your back to your tummy and once you are there you push yourself up on your strong little arms and you beam, your whole face lights up because you are so happy and proud!

Your favourite toy is your jumperoo and you would happily spend hours a day jumping hard if we let you. I swear one day you are going to bounce yourself right out of there!

You are starting to take good naps during the day one in the morning and one in the afternoon, sometimes you take a third nap depending what time you get up. At night time your long stretches of sleep have become infrequent, and the eight hour stretches you did so wonderfully for about a week over Christmas are a distant memory. Tonight, on your five month birthday we decided to start sleep training you. We were going to wait, but every night you start to complain as soon as we put on your sleep sack so we know you understand that it's bedtime. Now we just have to teach you that you need to go to sleep. I hate to hear you cry, even for a moment, even when I know it's for your own good so this is probably equally as hard on me as it is on you. You are a smart little cookie so I am hoping you pick it up quickly and I have faith that our nights will start to have a bit more structure and predictability.

This month you also found your toes. This has made nappy changing and getting you dressed a little more complicated but you are so cute laying there with your chubby little fingers grasping your chubby little toes :)

You have certainly starting chubbing out everywhere in the past month. I love to see your rolls when you have a bath. You still love, love, love your time in the water. You no longer sit in the infant seat, but enjoy sitting in the baby tub and splashing.

You are starting to eat real food which is another exciting development. I have really enjoyed making you food to try, you have eaten avocado, carrots and pears, and you were really getting the hang of holding a rusk to gnaw on it. Your teeth are still not through but they are clearly moving around in there and giving you some hassle. Poor thing. You are also drinking water from a cup, you especially enjoy taking sips of mummy and Daddy's water, and anytime we drink anything you can be quite demanding that we share it!

I can't quite believe just how much has changed in the last month. You are growing up so fast. You are such a happy little guy. You enjoy the company of other babies the best but will always give a smile to grown ups who make a fuss of you too.

 I love you sweetheart, and I am so thankful that God gave you to us.

Love you little guy,
Mama x

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Word of the year 2013

So I know I am a week and a half behind the times for this post but it's not because I haven't been thinking about it. I love the tradition of finding a word to speak over the year ahead. I have done it before and appreciated the direction that it can help me find in difference events through the year. I can meditate on the word and how it applies to my life in that moment and for the day or the week ahead.

I like to send some time praying and asking God to put a word on my heart. I believe that He has a plan and a purpose for wash of us as his children and I want to make time to be talking with him as I make plans for the future. I know that my plans may not come to be the way I imagine but I do trust that they work out for my good.

This year, I have decided that the word will be 'Conquer'.

I feelsa though this word will be something I can fight for in many areas of life. Firstly, the trials of motherhood will continue to come. The joys and the pain the fear and the hope will come in waves. I will fight to conquer them. I want to be the best mother I can be. I will need to conquer my own insecurities and the words of self doubt that fill my head on the hard days.

This year will include conversations about expanding our family again and the feelings of loss that were so present on our journey to become parents to Levi will need to be overcome once again the fear of vulnerability will need to be conquered before we start. We don't know the journey that is ahead of us, biologically or adopting having another child will most likely not be simple and easy. I am aware that in order to continue to be the person I want to be I will need to conquer my feelings of jealousy and anger and hurt - over and over and over. It sucks and I wish those feelings went away, but the ease of process is something I will always be envious of for those that have it.

Conquer is also a word I want to inspire me to cross of some things from my "to do" list. As my faithful readers and friends know I have been threatening to get my drivers license for a looong time. I hope and pray this year that will be conquered. I admit that being behind hte wheel terrifies me, so a major part of this is first conquering my fear.

For two long I have let anxiety limit my life and this year I want to be intentional to conquer that anxiety at the first moment I feel it. Most of that fight will come from moving in the opposite direction that the fear is wanting me to go. Like today when I got behind the wheel for the first time since Levi was born and you know what? It was not as terrible as I anticipated. It all came back to me pretty quickly so once I have mastered merging and the freeway (eeek) and then pass the test, right?!

Finishing my AA is another thing on that list. I only have 15 credits left and after this quarter that will be down to ten. However one of those is a math class that I have to test into. This means making time for math revision so when I take the test I can actually get int other class I need and not have to take a bunch of make up classes. I have been procrastinating because i am slightly intimidated to take the test and have not made the time to study but no more!

So tht's it. 2013 - Conquer

Monday, January 7, 2013

The Motherhood Rap

I know this is a car commercial but it is hilarious! Good advertising for sure! If you haven't seen it, check it out and give yourself a good laugh :)


Motherhood Rap Video

Happy Monday friends x

Thursday, January 3, 2013


Levi has officially become a roller. He no longer lays on his back for any length of time before flipping over. However, he has not figured out how to roll back again from his tummy to his back and this causes problems. He gets frustrated and cries out, sometimes in anger and sometimes in fear or frustration. I can see in his face that sometimes he's just not sure how he gets back in the same position again and again!

I am so proud of my boy, and enjoy that he is now exploring the world but I confess that after the thirteenth flip over/meltdown cry in a ten minute period the shine wears off. I lose patience. I want him to just figure it out already.

In that moment of frustration yesterday I said to him, "You did the same thing just now why is it so hard to figure out that it's not where you want to be?" Slap in the face. As my words hit my ears I suddenly understood in the smallest of ways what it must be like for God to watch me stumble through life.

I fall into the same temptations and deal with the same struggles over and over again. I end up crying out for his help to get me back on track with where I want to be...and where he wants me to be too. His grace covers  me. Again and again when I cry out, he answers me in love. I am so thankful for His constant and Sovereign hand in my life.

So as Levi flips onto his belly and cries out for the fourteenth time I smile to myself. I show him (again) how he can roll back over. I stroke his face and tell him that he will get it one day, and until then I will be there to roll him back when he needs my help.


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