We put in an offer. We didn't get the house.
The last week, especially the past 24 hours, have been stressful and anxiety-filled and hopeful and in the end just disappointing and frustrating. When I heard our (above list price offer) was not accepted and that someone had offered even more money with even more appealing pieces to their offer it's hard not to take it very personally, but at the same time my reaction told me a lot about this house. I am so sad to have to start the looking process up again, I am exhausted by it. And yet, I am not really mourning this particular house, in fact I am suddenly feeling relief about certain things which I had talked myself into being ok with to make the offer. [Enjoy the pink granite kitchen counters and the significant taxes for those views, new owners] I have nothing but peace about us not getting this house and for that I am thankful, and for the prayers and support of so many of our friends and family in the process, I am even more thankful.
As I ate dinner with the kids tonight, Nora managing to get quinoa and yogurt everywhere as she excitedly fed herself, and Levi jabbering away a mile a minute and telling me about his day - every minute of which I had spent with him of course, so it was not new information, I had an overwhelming sense of contentment. In the moments of life happening, I felt at peace.
Later, as the kids were taking their bath and squealing with delight as they popped the bubbles I was blowing or covering themselves in soap suds I couldn't help but smile. This is our life and our home is whereever it happens.
When Jeremy walks through the door after work to whoops and cheers, even some from me if it's been a particularly long afternoon, I am home too.
Yes, we are tired of some of the details of this living arrangement and ready for our own space, but we are also already home.
This time last week we didn't even know that this particular house existed. Who knows what tomorrow might bring? The market is picking up, along with the competition, so who knows how many houses we will have to offer on before we get one, but I trust that until then we can find our home in the midst of life together if we just open our eyes.
Our forever house is out there somewhere, and we might have to search for a while longer to find it and then fight tooth and nail to actually get it but one day, some day, we will be nomads no longer.
I might take the next 24 hours to feel a bit sorry for myself; take it easy, order a pizza at 3am to the address of the house we didn't get to thank the owners who didn't accept our offer (just kidding) and consume more chocolate than is healthy for me but after that I will put my game face back on and get back on the househunting train.