Monday, March 28, 2016

Are we nearly there yet?!

I am 33 weeks pregnant (I think...geesh it's hard to keep track this time around) and boy I am UN comfortable.

I am carrying this sweet girlie "normally" as opposed to breech which is how I carried my others for the majority of their belly time. I didn't know how lucky I was. Seriously. I am new to this kicking in my rib cage thing, and the heart burn. Don't get me started on the heartburn.

I shouldn't complain, for most of the day I am actually feeling pretty good. The sunshine creeping in to our days here in the PNW is helping for sure. I do get an energy low late afternoon, starting at 3 or 4pm I start to drag. Standing up to make dinner can be a challenge :) Plus it's the time of day when Levi and Nora are getting tired and hungry so they are getting hyper and just bugging each other (and by extension, me). The combination of the pregnant tireds and playing referee is a lot to take and I have resorted to making 4pm our regular TV time. Now the weather is better we are getting out a lot more in the early afternoon which helps them to sleep more soundly, but doesn't help them cope with that 4-5pm hour. so sitting snuggled on the couch to a slow going show is how we all need them to spend that time, and I feel less guilt because we have been out getting fresh air before that.

I am eager to meet this baby girl. Eager to get past the anticipation and dive head in to adjusting to reality. My parents are coming to stay to help out in those early weeks so I am also excited for the next few weeks to go by because they will be coming.

I am just ready to bite into our next chapter of life.

I am dizzy with the thought of drawing a line under the season of family building and settling firmly into life as a party of five.

I am beyond blessed with my lot. Overwhelmed with the goodness of the God I love and the way he has designed my life to be more than I could ever have anticipated. Exactly what I wanted, even though it has its crazy, stressful and painful moments and days, I see how its all being used to draw me closer to Him, and make me more like Him. I am being stretched and refined. Searching for joy along the way and finding it in the most surprising places.

The irony that life is just starting to feel "manageable" and "predictable" only weeks before we add another baby is not lost on me, but I am trying to embrace the beauty of that feeling;  the undeniable experience of answered prayers and living in such an amazing faith community. I know we are about to enter crazy town once again but I have hope that we will find a way to thrive.

I am entering this new season ready to admit when I am struggling and ask for help as soon as the feelings of anxiety and wanting to hide creep in. I am preparing my heart to be strong in the truth of who God says I am, and ready to shut down the lies before they take hold. There are a million details that I want to get in place before the baby arrives, but I have released them, trusting that what really needs to be done will be done and the rest will just fall into place in time. I am seeking out peace now, so I can draw from the well after baby gets here. (Baby who still has no name - that's a detail I would really love to be resolved soon, its probably the hardest detail to give up worrying about right now!)

So here we are. Counting down. Getting less comfortable by the day but trying to keep a good attitude. But seriously, baby girl, watching you rolling around in my belly is the most wonderful part of my days too. You are an unexpected dream come true and we haven't even met you yet. I cannot wait until you are in my arms, but please stay in there until you are fully baked and ready to greet us healthy and strong.

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