This past weekend I was at a women's retreat with a group of wonderful ladies from my church. We were in Leavenworth, WA and from the picture below you can see the beauty we woke up to each day! It was the first time I have gone away and left Jeremy home alone. Normally it is him going away for work and me rattling around the house by myself! I think he enjoyed bach-ing it up for a few days!
The retreat was a sweet time of learning, hot tubs, global rhythms dance class, delicious dining, mountain air, small groups and new friendships. I really appreciate the role my church family play in my life and this women's retreat is a unique time to meet and have fellowship with women across generations as we come together in this one space. We had great teaching on the theme of being at a crossroads. I know that topic has huge cliche potential but the speaker, Staci Copley managed to navigate the topic without too many! She reminded us what the Lord has shown us to do as we face big and small decisions in our daily lives. We looked at Jeremiah 6:16
"This is what the LORD says:
"Stand at the crossroads and look;
ask for the ancient paths,
ask where the good way is, and walk in it,
and you will find rest for your souls.
But you said, 'We will not walk in it.'
I have fallen into a slump when it comes to picking up my Bible outside of church. When I was in YWAM I felt like I was constantly giving out. I felt a true and urgent need to be in the word and to be praying seeking Him for guidance. I know that I couldn't do it without Him. In my need, I fell deeper and deeper in love with my Jesus. Since leaving, my day to day life has become much smaller. My need to be connecting with God and His word is not felt in the same way and I have another love in my life who I turn to to fill my needs. I am aware that Jeremy is not able to meet all my needs in the way God can and desires to but it is an easier option to turn to my husband first.
This weekend God really called at my heart, and through testimonies from other women as well as the teaching I was convicted about the way Jeremy has become an idol in my life. I see that putting expectation of Jeremy to meet all my needs only puts him in a position to fail and to become an object of criticism for me. It is true that God bought us together in this marriage to love each other, but He still wants to be the most important thing in each of our lives and he is still jealous for our hearts. I want to release Jeremy and once again make Jesus to be where I turn first.
The Bible is His gift to us. It is the Living Word. I want to make a new commitment to make my quiet times a top priority in my day. Since leaving YWAM, I feel like I have been floundering. My calling and purpose were so much a part of that ministry it left a void that I let Jeremy fill. In my confusion, I let my marriage bring light and purpose to my life. I am at a crossroads. There are so many options open to me for the future and I want Christ to be the one guiding my steps, and Jeremy to be the one holding my hand and walking with me.
As we sit here tonight on the couch, him catching up with Jack Bauer's adventures and me journaling my thoughts I feel a sense of peace and rest that has eluded me for some time. Just as promised in that verse in Jeremiah, when we seek him at our crossroads, he will grant us rest.