So far it's been a pretty complicated break-up, me and chocolate. Not the clean break I had wanted but I guess we have some history to work through, but I can make it!
We had some beautiful weather in Seattle this week and it made me so certain that this is where I want to be for a long time. The beautiful sunshine and the views of the snow capped mountains. Perfect! (If you've never been here you should come and visit hint, hint).
This week has been kind of a tough one, I am realising that my life is not very disciplined. I am not good at getting anything accomplished when I have so little structure to my days. This is not a new revelation, but every once in a while I need a reminder to get things back on track.
This morning I had a quiet time, which I have not been making a priority, so it felt really good to just sit and be still. To journal, to read my Bible and pray. I read in Matthew when Jesus explains to the disciples that it is in giving up our lives that we gain true life. It was what I needed to hear. Each day I want to live for Him. I want to use my time, each minute in service to Him. Whether that means cooking meals for the sick or the newly parents, keeping the house clean, or making time in the day to sit with God. I want to be disciplined because in doing so I have more time to give away. And in giving I truly do receive. As I invest more time in deepening intimacy with my husband, and pursuing friendships I gain community, support and accountability. I will gain joy and laughter, I will be a part of creating a place to be broken and a place to heal.
I see the glaring need for schedule in my life. And so I set to it. Starting with a cleaning schedule to keep on top of things at home, and make our house a place people can feel comfortable. Make a place that Jeremy wants to come home to at the end of a long day at work, somewhere we can open up to show hospitality to friends when they visit.
I feel pretty excited about that list now, and you know me, its pretty thorough! No room for error!
So now to the fun stuff, with the cleaning out of the way I have space to schedule some time for other projects. I am very excited to cross some smaller house projects off the list - so is Jeremy so I will include a couple of those when I look to the week ahead.
I also have a list (it's a long, long list) in my head of things I want to try or to learn. Now there can be space for that to happen too. I want to grow a garden and learn more about the plants we inherited with our house. My Nana and Grandad were very keen and skilled gardeners so I hope to have gleaned something from them growing up - even if it just the memories of their amazing plants, and all the fruits and vegetables they grew. There is nothing like the smell inside a greenhouse full of tomatoes. I started some seedlings which like a proud mama I will post pictures of soon! They need to go outside soon so they can start to grow more but I never read past how to grow the seedlings so I guess I have a little homework to do in the next day or two!!
I also want to learn to drive, I have been studying my little 'how to' guide but need to take my written test before heading out on the open highway - probably more like an empty parking lot - who cares, I'll be behind the wheel! I need to overcome some pretty significant anxiety to get on a road with other vehicles so I will be praying for courage and boldness - and ask you to pray for me if you think about it. If they do someday give me a licence, you may personally benefit from those prayers!
Preparing my heart and massaging blood flow back to the far corners of my brain as I get ready to take placement tests for school. God gave me a good brain, but it's been out of commission in many ways for a wahile so I am up for the challenge of this new beginning.
Learning to sew is another area of creativity I want to explore. I have so many ideas in my head but have not made the time to fine tune this skill either. So that goes on the list too.
Now before this post turns into just a long to do list I want to say this, our lives matter to God. Our passions are gifts. Our desire to learn and grow is a part of figuring out who we are created to be. I have so much anticipation for the months ahead as I rest on God to work in me to find the discipline I need to be the person I am called to be for today.
Easter is a season of new life, and I want to claim that for myself today. I am a new creation. I am not sure how I slipped into the rut that I'm in but I am unsatisfied and unfulfilled. God, I need your direction and I need your strength as I step out in faith and push open some big, heavy doors! I am jumping into your will with both feet.
Lord, I am surrendering to you today, again. Take my life and let it be consecrated Lord to You.