Monday, May 17, 2010

Little Gem

It's Monday already - what happened to the weekend? Seriously.

We had a great weekend but it was busy, it always feels like a toss-up between being busy and feeling accomplished or doing little but feeling like maybe we wasted our time?! We yard sale-d in Kirkland in the sunshine on Saturday morning then came home and worked in the garden before we headed to the Spilling Hope concert at Bethany. On Sunday morning we had our friends Patrick and Paige over for brunch which was a great chance to try out some new deliciousness!

On Sunday evening, we were a part of a panel of newly-wed couples as part of the pre-married class at our church. We were asked questions by the couples who are presently preparing for marriage. It was a great time to reflect on our experience of the last 9 months. People wanted to know about everything from how we fight, to how the wedding day went and everything in between.

I can't believe it was a year ago Jeremy and I were in this very same class. We asked lots of questions too but looking back we had very little idea what would really happen after the ' I do's' were said! This class did however give us some great tools for navigating some of this journey! One of the gems which I loved when I heard it during our participation in the class and was reminded of last night was this; in an argument or during times of tension always believe the best of your spouse. Always assume they have your best in mind.

This reminder was so good for me. It is so true that when Jeremy forgets to hang up a towel or offer to make dinner I get frustrated and hurt. This happens because I am assuming he is doing it because he doesn't care about me. My response to him is not always as loving as it could be if I took a moment and remembered the truth that he does love me. He is not going out of his way to do (or not do) something, just to hurt me. It is much more likely that he is just distracted, or didn't think about it, or forgot.

When I can take the time to remember he loves me and assume the best, our interactions are much healthier! I chose kind words rather than criticism and sarcasm. I am able to express how I feel and not attack his character. In return, he has the chance to really hear me and understand my point of view. I give him space to apologise if it's needed and I am in a place to grant forgiveness.

I hope we can continue to remember to take this mental step back before we open our mouths to speak. Our words have power. They can hurt and destroy, as well as building up and encouraging. I really want our relationship to be a safe place. Somewhere we can be fully known and loved fully. I want to be more conscious of the part my words play in creating that space.

I want to encourage, support, affirm, build up and love Jeremy with my words. He is such a wonderful man; a faithful partner, a generous provider, my biggest cheerleader. I am so blessed. Our marriage is still so new, we have a lot to learn and much space to grow. I am a perfectionist but I need to calm my anxious heart and trust that God knew what he was doing when he brought us together, and we have a life time to get this marriage thing down! We will never be 'perfect' but we can always choose to be kind.

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