Still Small Voice

I have been thinking lately as I spend days feeling suddenly overwhelmed by learning to drive and insecure about registering for classes at college, "shouldn't I have done this already?"

I am returning to school and getting a driving license in my 30's. Seriously. Most people get this stuff out of the way in their teens and 20's and here I am feeling so out of place because I am a decade behind.

But am I really 'behind'? When I walk around the college campus I feel like I am at a cocktail party in my sweat pants and a paint stained t-shirt - out of place. The more I thought about it though, the more I remember how full my life has been and how much it has taught me; my life experience is the reason I am taking advantage of these new opportunities today.

I may have to fight through my fears and walk uncomfortably in these shoes for a while but soon enough these new experiences will become old hat. I hope that soon enough I will be driving myself around (yes, I did get my permit!) and that I will know my way around the college and feel confident in my ability to learn again and to write papers!

With YWAM I led teams in some of the most amazing places in the world. We dealt with extreme temperatures and navigated international transportation and survived eating some pretty crazy things. Perhaps I should have felt more out of my depth living the life I did in my 20's? But being in full-time ministry meant so many people were invested in praying for me and I felt totally dependent on God at a different level than I do now. I saw God's grace was all I had and I clung to it. Today I am married to the most wonderful man and he is the one God uses to provide for my daily needs, food, house, clothes. My need for God looks different.

Today when I am scared to step out in these new adventures I am reminded of my need for God, and reminded that He is guiding my steps. I do not need to fear or doubt myself because I can trust that God is leading me, and He continues to be faithful.

Perhaps in the worlds eyes I am starting some of these adventures late in life, but I see how God brought me here and I am thankful for all I have been blessed to be a part of. I trust my life is in God's hands and it is in God's time that this is all coming to pass.

So yes, when things get hard and scary and I complain, "shouldn't I have done this already?" If I listen hard enough I hear that still small voice telling me, "Chrissie you are right where I want you" - and suddenly everything is OK again. I can take on these new endeavors with a joy and anticipation of where they will take me!