Last weekend was Mother's Day in the U.S. I hadn't thought too much about it, and then suddenly I was waking up on Sunday morning and this wave of emotion rushed over me. If we were still pregnant, this day would have looked so different. It would have been a celebration, our first Mother's Day. Instead, this was just another day. A time to celebrate our own mothers, yes, but also a reminder of what we had lost.
It was an absolutely beautiful day weather-wise and after Jeremy left for worship band practise, I was able to spend time with my fabulous friend Lindsey and walk in the sunshine. That helped lift my mood in the most wonderful way.
I have really felt the Lord's healing over the past few months. I found my heart felt almost conflicted on Mother's day as it held hope and expectancy for the future and also an awareness of loss. I didn't exactly feel sad but I didn't know how to put into words how I was feeling.
When we got back from church, I received and email from a friend, her words touched my heart, meant so much and she put into words beautifully how we feel about our pregnancy. I continue to be touched by friends who share about their own experiences of loss and am amazed by the healing that can be found in this supportive community - near and far.
"Have a great Mothers Day. I had a miscarriage with my first pregnancy too, so I know what this day is like with a little child that is only a memory and a promise. You are a mother in every sense of the word. Happy Mother's Day!"
The sadness is truly passing and we are left with just that, "a memory and a promise". We know God is good, and we know and trust he has a plan to give us a future and a hope. We want to have a family, but we choose to thank God for each day he gives us, and try to remember to rejoice and be glad in it - whatever it holds.