Yesterday I had my appointment with my doctor, it went as I expected. She arranged blood work and other tests to rule out some reasons or causes of miscarriage. She did make a point to say that 60% of all miscarriages are never explained, and she said that there was still a possibility that we have just been unlucky with our pregnancies - even though something within me says that is not the case.
When the potential issues are hormone related you have to be tested on specific days of your cycle to measure the levels accurately and I truly believe that it was God's grace that day 21, which was the first date I needed to test on happened to be today (just one days after the appointment). We do not want to get pregnant while the test are being processed, partially to make sure they are accurate and partially because if there is something we can find to correct we don't want to lose another pregnancy while we figure it out.
So I went this morning to have 9 vials of blood taken to be sent off for testing - yes, 9! And I have to go back Friday and Sunday
In my heart I still have hope that there will be a simple fix. I am not sure what to think about all these tests, but if nothing else we are ruling things out.
Feeling a sense of humility in this process. As I continue to process the loss of baby Ewan (my friend Kirsten's baby - see 'Please pray' blog below) I am more and more aware of the fact that we are not in control in this life. There is a bigger plan going on. I am invited to be a part of it but it is not about me. I have to be OK with life looking different than I expected, and it is a stretch of our faith to see this baby business play out in the way it is.
I am hopeful in the midst of the heartache. And I am fearful in my humanity, even though I know the peace of Christ.
I guess we wait and see what the results tell us, and in the mean time we hope and pray.
In other news, my second quarter of school is in it's second week and I am really loving my classes. I am taking another English class and also Introduction to Psychology, which is really keeping me on my toes. This is double the workload I had last quarter and so I have been challenged to make good discussions about how I spend my time in order to get my assignments done, keep on top of maintaining order in our house, and working part-time. It's a busy life but I wouldn't have it any other way.