Tonight, I rocked my 'full of snot' baby boy to sleep in my arms while we sat in the glider in his room. It was one of those moments I can imagine will keep my heart warm, open and soft forever, whatever the world may throw at me in the future.
His cold has made him extra sleepy by bedtime for the past few nights, in part due to the lack of good naps in the day because of his congestion. The glider was rocking, as he nursed, and his head was warm against my arm. He was close to sleep. He unlatched from nursing and was still, snuggled into me. It was the special kind of still that is accompanied by light snoring :)
All of a sudden, his head gently turned to look up at me, his big eyes heavy with sleep were blinking slowly. He was staring but not making any noise when suddenly he broke into the most heart melting smile. Before I knew it, the smile was gone, and his eyes couldn't resist sleep any longer. His body became heavy and peaceful and the snoring began in earnest. He was asleep.
As I laid him in his crib my heart was so thankful for the gift of being this sweet baby boy's mother. The reality of motherhood is much harder than I anticipated but in moments like that, I am blown away by the beauty it brings into my life. I always thought I wanted lots of kids close in age and while my heart would still love to carry another baby and grow our family, I am aware of how precious this time with just Levi truly is.
I love that Jeremy comes home from work every day and we sit together, watching Levi play as I fill him in on every detail of our day. We delight in everything he does...even when he is a stinker. We know we are blessed. A tiny piece of me feels a little sad that one day we might have another child because Levi will suddenly be faced with sharing our attention :) [and yes, I know that actually be a very good thing for him to experience so he doesn't become completely spoiled]
Moments like tonight when my precious, long-hoped for, baby boy gazes up at me and his eyes tell me that he feels safe and loved, I am thankful that God is giving me the ability to love him well. (And it's also at moments like that, I most crave another child to experience these beautiful moments again.)
In recent days we have seen our not so little 8.5 month old take his first steps, feed himself with ever developing skill and accuracy, and begin to fill our house with constant chatter. These baby days already feel fleeting and I am trying to take time, take a breath, and commit some sweet moments to memory.