I am writing this from the couch as the sun streams through the windows of my living room. Levi is playing beside me with his train set - a tunnel and crane which I ordered ages ago arrived today and to my delight he is having a fabulous time playing with them, and narrating everything, sometimes he is just too cute! We had been playing together but after a while I was cramping his style. Once I had shown him how the crane worked and helped him configure a track that included the tunnel my input was no longer needed beyond having me close to cheer when trains go through the tunnel and to be available for any track breaking emergencies was all he desired. So I am guilt free on the computer.
Nora is asleep in her swing (big surprise - this kid could sleep for England) but will be waking soon for a new nappy and a feed. I miss her when she sleeps but I certainly appreciate it!
It's Tuesday. Nora turned six week old on Friday and (so far) this week feels, dare i say it, like we are finally getting into our new stride. It's been a rough journey to get to this point; to be in a place where I can think about another day home with just me and the kids and not find tears streaming down my face, a day that includes a few minutes to simply breathe - let alone eat lunch or heaven forbid check email on the computer and *gasp* blog, both of which I did today!
I am sure it's helping that the sun has been shining here in Seattle the past few days and we have been able to take walks, go to the park, and be outside in the yard while the rays warm our skin and the fresh air fills our lungs. Life is good but it always seems easier to see and feel it when the days are bright!
The fog of life with two babies is lifting. I can do this.
I am realising my limits; Searching for grace to cover the gaps and welcoming God into those spaces. Well, more like pleading and begging him to be there. I am saying farewell to guilt.
I am seeing how small our lives have become and am taking (small) steps to re-introduce the important (and only the important) things and people back into our days. And I am seeing the fruit that comes with community unfold in a beautiful way. Yet again I see the hands and feet of Jesus at work through those we are blessed to call family and friends.
I have a "to do" list a mile long but have seen the need for taking 'me' time each day to do something that is good for my spirit; reading a book, blogging, working out, or making picture albums. These things were all on that list but were near the bottom as laundry and dishes kept trumping them. While the need to have clean dishes, clothes and diapers (we use cloth for Levi) is real and important, the need to take time for myself is what fuels the other stuff. "Happy wife happy life" might be a common saying, probably because it rhymes better than "happy mummy, happy life", but I think it's even more important as a mother to fight for time to do things that do not revolve just around your babies and allow you to keep a sense of self outside of that role. I know it makes me a better mum when I do just that.
There are still moments in my day when the task of parenting these two precious babies feels overwhelming but they are matched with others of laughter, joy, and a confidence in myself and the ability to do what God has set before me. I am so humbled and thankful for these beautiful little ones and the true gift that is is to be their mother.
Thank you Lord, the fog is lifting.