We don't know that God will bless us with a child of our on genetics, but whether through adoption or pregnancy we trust that God will add to our family and we know he has already got the little ones in mind for us. We are willing to wait for just the right little people to come along, in whatever form they come to us. We continue to fall into God's arms letting him sustain and comfort us in our sadness and keep the hope alive in our hearts, not letting the turn hard.
We look forward to sharing our story with our children, and with others and letting it be a beacon of hope to others in the midst of darker times. We understand that even in the midst of all of our tears we can know God is good all the time, and in all things. We don't have our happy ending baby just yet. But we have today. And the lessons we learn today, the tears we cry and the fear we find comforted will be the places that reveal more of God's glory when we do become parents.
We continue to grow stronger together as a couple and I continue to fall more in love with my husband. He is the best thing ever and has blown me away with his tender care and love throughout these experiences.
The deeper spiritual pondering does lift for some more human thoughts which make me smile. I look forward to being an obnoxious Facebook parent, and will gladly assume everyone wants to see every milestone our babies reach. I will happily step into that role but let God take all the credit. I would say 'we' but Jeremy's aversion to Facebook prevents this being a joint obnoxious venture!! I have no doubt that his office walls will suddenly not be so bare, that pics of smiling little faces will fill it, he can be the obnoxious office parent! Ha ha.
Right now this is a time of reflection for us, but we will move forward. We do not want this loss to prevent us embracing what we have in our lives today, the lessons we are learning and the transformations that are happening. My friend sent me a note which sent me digging back into 1 Samuel and Hannah's story. I have read this, and cried over this before but today I just wanted to share it; for us and for our friends who are also walking this painful journey. Here is her story.
10 In bitterness of soul Hannah wept much and prayed to the LORD. 11 And she made a vow, saying, "O LORD Almighty, if you will only look upon your servant's misery and remember me, and not forget your servant but give her a son, then I will give him to the LORD for all the days of his life, and no razor will ever be used on his head." 12 As she kept on praying to the LORD, Eli observed her mouth. 13 Hannah was praying in her heart, and her lips were moving but her voice was not heard. Eli thought she was drunk 14 and said to her, "How long will you keep on getting drunk? Get rid of your wine."15 "Not so, my lord," Hannah replied, "I am a woman who is deeply troubled. I have not been drinking wine or beer; I was pouring out my soul to the LORD. 16 Do not take your servant for a wicked woman; I have been praying here out of my great anguish and grief." 17 Eli answered, "Go in peace, and may the God of Israel grant you what you have asked of him."
18 She said, "May your servant find favor in your eyes." Then she went her way and ate something, and her face was no longer downcast. 19 Early the next morning they arose and worshiped before the LORD and then went back to their home at Ramah. Elkanah lay with Hannah his wife, and the LORD remembered her. 20 So in the course of time Hannah conceived and gave birth to a son. She named him Samuel, a]">[a] saying, "Because I asked the LORD for him."
1 Samuel 1:10-20
We know that God hear our prayer, and knows every tear we cry. He knows our hearts and we trust his perfect timing. We are in prayer today for all those who are struggling to know Gods peace and love in the midst of this struggle or loss. We pray for hope and strength for ourselves and for you, and look forward to joining with you in celebrating as God answers our prayers x