Not going to lie, this Christmas was tough. I think I had underestimated what this day would mean. Somewhere in my mind, Christmas was the date. The date we would announce a pregnancy in some creative and festive way or the date we would be laughing and dreaming about how this year would be the last Christmas without a baby, and how different it will be next year. This day would be significant in the most joyful of ways, but that's not where life has brought us.
My heightened emotions made if difficult for Jeremy to know how to care for me. My hope for what this day would be had been dashed by life and yet my expectations were still high; impossible to meet. We survived, but not before I had a 'Dawson's Creek' -worthy meltdown. All was resolved and turkey was then consumed in huge quantities. All was well with the world again - at least on some level.
We skyped with my family which was special and it was so good to see their faces as they opened the gifts we had packaged up and sent all those weeks ago! Then we watched the Royale family Christmas special which was such a great reminder of home and Christmases past ("Mary's in the Dyson", ha ha ha)
Who knows what will happen in the year ahead? God does. And the lightness I feel after the grief of yesterday is refreshing. There is always something healing about a really good cry; it cleanses the soul or the spirit of something. I feel restored. Hopeful once again for what is ahead.
Praying your hope was renewed this Christmas season and that you are beginning the new year with a restored purpose and confidence in the goodness of our God.