Quick update first, we got the blood test results back and it wasn't a faulty home test, the pregnancy hormone level in my blood had risen from the first draw. Not significantly, and (they tell us) not enough to turn into a viable pregnancy at this point, it is very low but they are not sure what's going on. I have to go for an ultra sound and another blood draw on Monday morning so we are actually hoping for a totally negative result - or of course we would joyfully embrace a very, very high test result too if it meant a miracle baby was going to be making an appearance but that is not something we are realistically considering as an outcome at this point.
I have already felt like I have lost this particular pregnancy twice, once with low blood tests and then again when the physical miscarriage began almost a week after that. To hold onto hope at this point and lose it again would be just too much. However, we pray for miracles and believe in God who preforms them, so it is impossible to totally get the possibility out of your mind. I am just asking God to hold my hope and heart close to His until we have more information.
Even if this is just my body taking time to fully get rid of this pregnancy, there could be some leftover tissue found on the ultra sound and the doctor said it might be possible to use it diagnostically in finding a cause of the recurrent miscarriage so at the least there is hope that some good may come from this.
Take a look at this, a note written to us from Zara the best 5 year old in the world (I may be biased) when she heard about our miscarriage she wrote this. I love it even more because it is in her 'just learning to write' writing but it says, "I'm sorry you didn't have a baby I love you" I almost lost it every time I see it because it comes from this pure place of her wanting to enter in with us, kids are amazing.
Road Trip!! Jeremy and I took a short trip over to Spokane, WA to visit some of his good friends and we drove over in same drizzle but woke up yesterday morning to 6 inches of snow!!! It was beautiful and continued falling throughout the day. However, it meant that the 'check engine' light that flashed at us on the way over the mountain pass could not be ignored for the journey home, so he and his friend Josh did some catching up while they changed spark plugs in the car! Their efforts helped us get safely home.
Last night we connected with another of Jeremy's closest friends who works as a trainer for the Gonzaga basketball team, and watched their game against La Fayette. It was only my second time attending a college b.ball game and it was really fun. Afterward we went for dinner and drinks at one of Jeremy's favourite watering holes, The Elk. It was a brief trip but we did get to connect with friends and see and experience some of Spokane's finest; including the dumping of snow.
Look at my stud hubby brushing snow off the car so we could go out to yummy breakfast at Ferguson's cafe - If you live there you probably know about this place but if you come East for a visit check it out. I have to say, on another trip over to Spokane this year we were introduced to a couple of other GREAT breakfast places. People of Spokane never have to go hungry in the mornings!
We left that beautiful snow scene behind and are now back on the west side (no snow here), watching the Huskies vs Nebraska in the Holiday Bowl; with friends on our couch and pizza in our tummies we appreciate the simple pleasures of home. At this point Washington are winning 19 to 7 but who knows how it will end?!
I can't believe our Christmas vacation is almost over already. Jeremy is back at work Monday and I am back to school Tuesday. Better start switching gears so it is not too much of a shock to my system.
I am looking forward to celebrating the New Year tomorrow, and to having a new start. I am always empowered by January 1st and this year, I want to put 3 goals ahead of me with intention (thanks Katie). I just have a feeling 2011 is going to be a good year.