Well, that was a bit dramatic!

Last night I poured a very generous glass of wine to bid farewell to this quarter of school. For all my procrastination I did actually enjoy the classes I took this quarter, at least until yesterday.

I had finished my final paper and submitted it, and then it was time to take all my Lecture journal bullet points and comments from the last ten weeks and format them into a two column document. The hard work was done right? The thinking and writing part was complete. I was planning that I would copy and paste and bing-bam-boom send it off. WRONG.

The two column format I tried to use meant that everything I needed to keep lined up across from each other kept getting shunted with every new line I added. I gave up on that after an hour or so and tried putting it in a table. This got rid of the shunting problem but every few minutes the columns would change width for no reason. I kept thinking I was doing something that I wasn't aware of, but at one point I did even have my hands near the computer and it switched. I changed computers, convinced it was my lap top acting up an I emailed all the original files so I could access them on our grandad desk top.

At first this seemed to fix the problem but then the dreaded shrinking column thing happened again. By this time it was 5 or so hours into this process, and I lost it and burst into tears feeling totally helpless to change my situation and get my assignment ready to hand in.

By the time Jeremy came home I was a wet sobbing mess. Still clicking around and trying to figure it out but feeling utterly defeated and so frustrated that these machines were making me feel so stupid.

Of course he held my shoulders, looked me in the eye, told me to take a deep breath and convinced me it would be ok. I was being rather dramatic but in the moment it was a big deal!

He looked at some settings on the computer and I guess I had a setting somewhere that fit the test to the table which stretched it out. Once he changed that it was all good and he then copied and pasted my lecture points into the new documents. He just kept telling me how proud he was of me and that it would be ok - I believed him. And he was right. I got the assignment in before the deadline. No one would have even known about my melt down. The relief just flooded me once I had hit send.

So another quarter is behind me. (Passing grades from this quarter permitting) I have 35 credits towards my Associates Degree. Yay me!

Today feels wonderfully self-indulgent. I went to get my hair cut, wandered around my favourite grocery store (I know, I know, I know how to party - shoot me it's a guilty pleasure to take my time). I am catching up with some phone calls and am excited to have the excuse to go clothes shopping too, a girl's gotta have a new dress for a friend's wedding, right?

I am enjoying the space to breath.

Weekend round up

Another weekend draws to a close and I am thankful this crazy week is almost over. Seeing even more light at the end of the finals tunnel and starting to make some coffee dates, a haircut and plan friends over for dinner this week - all fun things, and ones that have got moved to the sidelines for the past month or so.

I am eager to try and set a more consistent and slower pace for life.

The past two weeks, the messages at church have left my head spinning. I haven't had time to sit and write about all the things it is making me think about but I am looking forward to sharing with you soon. It's pretty exciting stuff.

Jeremy is in Spokane tonight and playing in a charity golf tournament with friends tomorrow. I usually do not like to be home alone, but it's only one night and with my homework to keep me busy. I am actually enjoying some down time. With J working a regular 9-5 type schedule I try and make sure that I am done with school work before he gets home so we can spend our evening together, and Sunday evenings are usually time for us to snuggle and watch a movie or take a walk, or do something that gives us a time to look ahead to our schedule for the week ahead, make plans and have some time to make sure we have connected before the week starts. But tonight I am able to have that connection time with my homework instead!! ha ha

We had a lovely weekend, I hope you did too. See you on the flip side!!

Anticipation

Sometime days run into weeks and leave little time for reflection, but recently I have had some conversations with dear friends that made me feel very grounded. I have been feeling a lot of peace recently - I think being off of Facebook has played a part in that, but I also see God's hand at work.

It is easy to assume he is not hearing my prayers when I sit here not pregnant, but as I talked about the peace I am feeling and the contentment that I seem to have found I realised that God has answered the cries of my heart. In the deepest places, my prayers for peace and rest have been answered. My circumstances have not changed but my heart has.

I had my pity party days for sure, but when I look back over that past year or so I can see a pattern emerge. On days when I wake up sad and confused I have a choice. I can ask God for strength and I can get up and out of bed, get my butt (and the rest of me) in the shower and embrace the day, or I can sit and stew in my hopelessness.

On days when I let the darkness win, other peoples joy is irritating. I become judgmental of my friends who are parents and I criticise. I become bitter about all the things I do not have and mad at others who seem to have it all. All the ugly in me comes out and I just get sadder and sadder as I give in to the yuckiness.

But on the days when I chose to get up and to shake off the shadows, when I fight to find the beauty of the day. I talk to God. I feel the love surrounding me. I laugh more. I can have moments of sadness, but it does not consume me. And many days I do not have sadness at all. On days when I walk in the light I feel God with me. And on days like today I can reflect back and recognise the way God has been moving in my heart.

I do not feel like God has given us a promise of how we will become parents. And I do not believe He has given us a shove in a specific direction, but I have peace. For the first time in a while I know God is walking with me. I mean, I have known from His word that he has been here the whole time, but as I have kept my distance from him it has been harder to feel it. As I am taking my walls down, He is quick to make his presence known. I truly believe that which ever path he sets us on towards parenthood we would be open to it but at the same time I do not feel that some pressure to move anywhere right now.

I do not feel like I am competing to get a baby before they are all gone...that might sound crazy, but I know that my fear has been the fuel behind some of the craziness we have gone trough this year - and fear is not a driving force that gets you anywhere good.

I am thankful and blessed to have friend who have walked so gently with me and who can see God's hand at work even before I can put word to how I am feeling. I am thankful for a God who stays constant and faithful even when my heart wanders. I love that God's plan in good and perfect and eve though that truth has felt distant for a long time it is starting to feel real in my life again.

I have no idea what the future holds, but instead of fear and anxiety I am feeling some excitement and anticipation building...we'll see where this takes us!

His Grace is Enough

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on
me.
2 Corinthians 12:9

Oh my goodness I love the promise and the hope of this verse. Whatever my day holds. However much I fail. His grace IS enough, and it is IN my weakness that his power can be seen.

Feeling ready for the quarter to be over. Only a final paper and pretty hefty final assignment to finish and hand in on Monday and then I can breathe and do some scrapbooking or something! My craft room slash laundry room slash spare room is in chaos as I have lived in a constant state of procrastination. My card making has become - as I am leaving the door for a birthday celebration - scrambling to find card paper, a gluestick, stamping 'happy birthday' and hoping it doesn't smudge as final product is crammed into it's envelope and off we go. Not the fun time I once had that included taking a moment to pray for the recipient and make sure I wrote something more than, 'Happy Birthday, Love Chrissie x'

I know that something has to give. I am a juggler with way too many balls in the air. And if that means buying a card from time to time so be it! I see that making different choices about how I spend my time will still not leave time to do everything I would like. Because I am also a typical first born and a perfectionist this is a hard thing to swallow.

I am aware that I can be better about prioritising my time, and I know I can be better at not letting myself get distracted from the things I actually need to do but and this is a BIG but...I still would feel like I was failing or not doing enough. I have to do less and do it well even when it means not doing everything. Having less expectations of myself.

I trust that if I throw all my balls in the air and let God guide my hands as I catch some and let other fall, I will see things change. See deeper intimacy in my marriage, be more content with my day to day, and find truer joy in the simple things I love like cooking and crafting.

But it's hard to make changes like this. It's like putting on a new skin and it feels weird and uncomfortable. What if some of my relationships fall away? What if my house isn't as clean as I want? What if I say "no" to a request - or an offer? What if? What if? What if?

Grace.

God's grace covers where I fail. It covers my mistakes. But right now I really find comfort in the truth that it covers where I cannot reach. Grace fills the gap between who I am and who I want to be.

I trust that in throwing all my balls in the air and letting God guide my hands, deciding which I catch and which I let fall, I will see things change.

What's for Dinner Wednesday - Green Risotto with Fava Beans

Hello food-loving friends!
It's been too long, I apologise for my Wednesday absences of late, but I am back. Life is slowing down to a less frantic pace, we are home from vacation and I have the opportunity to be back in my lovely little kitchen and have a pile of yummy recipes all ready to try out now the summer has finally arrived in the PNW. And so without further ado, here's the treat for this week...Green Risotto with Fava Beans.

As I have mentioned before we get a produce delivery every other week from Full Circle Farm. It is delicious organic produce, mainly locally grown but with a few things shipped in from other growers too. I mention this again because every week we get a email with a list of the contents for our approval (and the option to change things in and out) and almost every week something on the list is an ingredient I haven't used before. I used to be intimidated by cooking with new produce, but I have forced myself to use the wisdom of the internet to find 'how to's" and recipes that can expand my fruit and vegetable horizons!

This week the item on the delivery list which was a newbie were Fava Beans. I wasn't even sure what they looked like, but hey, I was ready for a new adventure! I discovered that Fava Beans are quite fiddly to prepare but they are tasty and if you are a fan of legumes you would not be sad about trying these. From the recipes I had found whist trawling the internet, the beans often seem to be served as a side, simply cooked in butter and garlic. That would have been an option, but I was looking for something a little different and then PING! This recipe appeared in my search and I was sold.

Something simple and tasty. Risotto, served with a simple side salad would be a perfect midweek meal.

This is what the beans looked like when they arrived.


So I set to work. The Fava beans had to be taken out of the pods, boiled and then squeezed out of their inner casing. All a little time consuming. They tasted good but they are probably not something I would chose to mess with on a regular occasion.

The other thing about making a good risotto, according to 'risotto legend' is to stir it constantly while you are adding in the liquid. In the case of this particular recipe this meant I was standing over a hot burner stirring for about 40 minutes - and will mean that my right arm will be sleeping particularly soundly tonight!

For a simple looking recipe, this took about an hour and a half from start to plate just to give you fair warning, but the end result was really tasty.



Ingredients
1/2 lb fresh unshelled Fava Beans
4 Cups Chicken Broth
2 Tbsp Butter, divided
1 Small onion, finely chopped
1 Cup of rice (I used brown)
1/4 C white wine
1/4 C grated Reggiano Parmesan cheese
Salt to taste

Directions
1. Bring a large pot of salted water to a boil. Meanwhile, shell the favas and discard the pods. Boil the favas for 4 minutes, strain and then immediately plunge into ice water. Let cool for 2 minutes then pierce the favas and squeeze them out of their skins. Separate 3/4 of the favas and puree in a food processor.

2. In a separate large saucepan bring the broth to a simmer, and keep it hot. Meanwhile, in another large saucepan over medium heat, melt 1.5 tablespoons of the butter and add the onions. Reduce the heat to low and cook for about 5 minutes; do not brown the onions. Add the rice and cook, while stirring, for 2 minutes. Add the wine, increase the heat to medium, and stir constantly. When the wine has been absorbed, add a little of the hot stock. Once the stock is absorbed, add a little more; repeat this process, stirring constantly, until the rice is cooked through.

3. To the cooked rice add the pureed favas, the remaining 1.5 tablespoons of butter, the rest of the favas and the cheese. Cook over medium heat, stirring, until the butter and cheese melt and the puree is incorporated evenly. Season with salt.

Death in the Kitchen

Last weekend I noticed a little puddle at the base of our refrigerator. I assumed I had spilled something and went on with my day.
Then we got out some ice cream which wasn't particularly frozen. Perhaps I had kept the door open too long, or not shut it properly or something? And when I put the ice cream back I noticed another little puddle on the floor, "I have got to be more careful" I thought to myself as I mopped it up.

Later when Jeremy got a loaf of bread from the freezer to "defrost" he discovered that it was already half-way there.

And another pesky little puddle had appeared on the floor.

The truth is hard to take, but our poor little refrigerator is dying :(

Luckily we have a friend who has a spare one which they have graciously allowed us to have so Jeremy and hi Dad will be moving them later today.

The new fridge is not white like our other appliances. At this point, I will be happy to have a freezer that keeps things frozen, but I am secretly hoping that this mismatch will bother Jeremy enough to start some conversations about giving our kitchen a face lift!! He is the one most concerned about having non-matching appliances. I don't think it will matter. Let's face it, our fridge is covered in pictures anyway. I actually don't know if I would notice if someone had mismatched appliances, I have never really thought about it? But my husband is man who likes things in order, matching, just as they should be. So we'll see what happens...just when we were thinking projects were coming to an end for a while.

And speaking of our kitchen get ready, I have something tasty in the works for tomorrow's post for 'What's for Dinner Wednesday'.

Bridal Shower 101

I have been to my fair share of bridal showers, especially I haven't been in the US for that many years, and they were not a tradition at home. I love to throw a party and boy do I love a theme, so when my friend Denice announced her engagement to Chris I was very excited at the opportunity to take all I had seen and done at other people's showers and throw one of my own for her.

The weather was warm (the sun tried to hide out behind the blanket of clouds, but we had warmth and we were not afraid to make the most of it! The theme was a garden tea. Who would have known when we planned it that we could actually be in the garden for some of it!!?

One of the things I treasure from one of my own bridal showers are the coasters that each of my girl friends made for me. Some are funny, some are sweet and they each remind me of their creator! So I thought how fun to recreate that for Denice. I was lucky to have a couple of other ladies helping with the planning and one of them offered to take charge of the craft - so the first important step to planning a shower.

The shower was 2-4pm so we didn't have to serve a full meal and could just make some fun things to munch on. Here is the menu

Summer Fruit plate and French Cream to dip
Cream cheese and cucumber sandwiches
apple turnovers - a specialty of co-planner Naiomi
Flourless chocolate cake with chocolate ganache

Lemonade
Blushing Bride cocktail (grenadine, peach schnapps and champagne - OMG this was good)

I always like to have a fun cocktail option at showers. It always goes down a treat with the guests, and this was received well by all the ladies!

We played a couple of fun games and then shared some words of wisdom with the bride as show opened her gifts. And a good time was had by all. Here are a few shots of the afternoon.

Flourless Chocolate Cake with Chocolate Ganache - and Bride and Groom Toppers

Me with the Bride

Paper decorations - easy to make and so cute. Thank you Martha Stewart (and Mum for helping me make them!!)

Lemonade

The ladies crafting the coasters

Blessings to you Denice and Chris, wishing you so much love and laughter in the days ahead - Don't stress about the details, it will all work out. I am so excited to see you guys tie the knot in just a few short weeks. Enjoy these final days of anticipation before you begin your marriage adventure!