The wait is over.
I am grateful to have been able to take the day to lay around, hot pad on my belly, nothing on my agenda but to get through the day. Memories of laughter and fun yesterday at the sunny Mariner's game are easing the discomfort a little but I am ready to start feeling back to normal again. J has a 4-day weekend this week for the holidays so I am hoping to get all the school work I had set for tomorrow out of the way so we can just enjoy the day together.
This afternoon, my un-showered self heard the doorbell ring and decided I was much too scary looking and smelling to answer it. Plus it would mean a scramble to get out of P.J's and into clothes and honestly, I didn't have it in me. I didn't want to sign a petition or become a Mormon so what would be the point - very few people randomly ring our doorbell in the afternoon. So I turned over and lay my head back on the pillow.
A few minutes later I heard my phone buzz and there was a text message from my friend Liz informing me of a gift on my doorstep. When I went and took a peek, there were my fave Dove dark Chocolates. I couldn't believe it, I burst into tears I was so touched (and so craving chocolate!!!)
That was a wonderful highlight to an otherwise painful and boring day! Roll on tomorrow. The start of a four day weekend with my husband!
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
What's for Dinner Wednesday - Super Sides
It is no secret that I love to cook. I really enjoy putting a menu together and seeing all the flavors and textures come together on the plate. Sometimes I have time to create something spectacular, even if I do say so myself but some nights I have little creative energy to give, and all I want is a way to make chicken and vegetables a bit more exciting!
I coated the chicken breast halves in a little olive oil and garlic and then dipped them in (gluten free) breadcrumbs mixed with a little grated Parmesan cheese, ground pepper and dried basil. Then I just put them in a dish and baked them at 350 degrees for 30 minutes. I have certainly used plain grilled, or baked chicken on my low creativity nights but in this particular case I had seen this easy baked chicken recipe and happened to have all the ingredients so I whipped it up.
On a chicken and veg night, I have a fall back to sides of mashed potatoes and something green, usually broccoli or green beans but I get bored easily and have been searching for alternatives. The contents of our produce box gave me a push to use it's contents (something different) as my sides this time. First up were the collard greens. Now, I have tried to cook these before but never did a good job, they were always tough and chewy. I searched online and found a great recipe on allrecipes.com which had good reviews and looked like it was worth a shot.
You can find that recipe here I only used 4 slices of bacon and that worked great with the bunch of collard greens we had (probably less than the 1lb on the recipe). I followed the rest of the recipe to the word, and it was yummy. The red pepper flakes gave it a lovely spicy kick and the bacon and onion really complimented the greens.
The other side I have been wanting to try for a while was mashed cauliflower. We had eaten it at a friends house for dinner and it was so good and such an easy, nutritious alternative to potatoes.
This was so simple, and so good. J told me at the table how much he liked the "cauliflower mixed with the potatoes" and I had to tell him that actually it was just cauliflower. A pretty big deal considering he is not the biggest cauliflower fan to begin with, so the fact he enjoyed it so much was great.
This is what I did for my Garlic mashed cauliflower.
Ingredients
I head of organic cauliflower, cut into small pieces
1 Tbsp cream cheese, softened
1/4 C grated Parmesan Cheese
1/2 tsp minced garlic
1/8 tsp salt
1/8 tsp black pepper
Directions
Boil a large pot of water on the stove. When it's at a rolling boil, add the cauliflower and cook for 6 minutes or until tender. Drain well, but don't let the cauliflower get cold. Place cauliflower on a paper towel and place another one over the top, and pat dry.
Put the cauliflower in a bowl with the cream cheese, Parmesan, minced garlic, salt and pepper. Use an immersion blender to blend it all together and serve immediately.
I like this recipe because I got the other ingredients in a bowl, and put a pot on to boil and then cooked it and whipped it last minute to serve.
What are the sides you enjoy most?
I coated the chicken breast halves in a little olive oil and garlic and then dipped them in (gluten free) breadcrumbs mixed with a little grated Parmesan cheese, ground pepper and dried basil. Then I just put them in a dish and baked them at 350 degrees for 30 minutes. I have certainly used plain grilled, or baked chicken on my low creativity nights but in this particular case I had seen this easy baked chicken recipe and happened to have all the ingredients so I whipped it up.
On a chicken and veg night, I have a fall back to sides of mashed potatoes and something green, usually broccoli or green beans but I get bored easily and have been searching for alternatives. The contents of our produce box gave me a push to use it's contents (something different) as my sides this time. First up were the collard greens. Now, I have tried to cook these before but never did a good job, they were always tough and chewy. I searched online and found a great recipe on allrecipes.com which had good reviews and looked like it was worth a shot.
You can find that recipe here I only used 4 slices of bacon and that worked great with the bunch of collard greens we had (probably less than the 1lb on the recipe). I followed the rest of the recipe to the word, and it was yummy. The red pepper flakes gave it a lovely spicy kick and the bacon and onion really complimented the greens.
The other side I have been wanting to try for a while was mashed cauliflower. We had eaten it at a friends house for dinner and it was so good and such an easy, nutritious alternative to potatoes.
This was so simple, and so good. J told me at the table how much he liked the "cauliflower mixed with the potatoes" and I had to tell him that actually it was just cauliflower. A pretty big deal considering he is not the biggest cauliflower fan to begin with, so the fact he enjoyed it so much was great.
This is what I did for my Garlic mashed cauliflower.
Ingredients
I head of organic cauliflower, cut into small pieces
1 Tbsp cream cheese, softened
1/4 C grated Parmesan Cheese
1/2 tsp minced garlic
1/8 tsp salt
1/8 tsp black pepper
Directions
Boil a large pot of water on the stove. When it's at a rolling boil, add the cauliflower and cook for 6 minutes or until tender. Drain well, but don't let the cauliflower get cold. Place cauliflower on a paper towel and place another one over the top, and pat dry.
Put the cauliflower in a bowl with the cream cheese, Parmesan, minced garlic, salt and pepper. Use an immersion blender to blend it all together and serve immediately.
I like this recipe because I got the other ingredients in a bowl, and put a pot on to boil and then cooked it and whipped it last minute to serve.
What are the sides you enjoy most?
The Art of Blending
The events of this week, the waiting and the hopeless feelings that accompany every failed cycle are tough. My thoughts are more filled with baby stuff than at other times of the month. My tears spring forth with much less prompting and while our hope is still there sometimes I just need to cry it out (So sue me). Last night I did just that. We had gone to a BBQ for some friends who were visiting from overseas. When we arrived, we were greeted with her prominent belly and their excitement to be welcoming twins later this year. Of course, this is exciting news, it is exciting, but it is also like a knife in the heart as we digest our own disappointment.
This month had been wonderfully un-terrible and in comparison with many, many previous months it still holds that reputation but last night tipped me over the emotional edge and had to blink back tears a few different times. At the BBQ I chatted to friends, laughed, ate burgers and moved past the threatened tears to have a really nice evening, but when we got home my tears finally showed up and made a home on my hubby's strong shoulder.
My hope is still strong but sometimes that is what makes the waiting so much harder. I truly believe that God has something amazing in store for us as He grows our family but it seems to be much harder to be patient when there is a promise of something wonderful.
I continue to try and embrace the blend of emotions that make life full and beautiful. I rest in the peace of Jesus and try to manage the fear of my own humanity, hoping that In Him I can find the strength to be present in all the moments of my life as we wait.
We fight to be known, and to be transparent. We desire to walk this road honestly. It's not all rosy all the time. The truth of finding peace is real but tears will still find me. The peace does not eliminate our desire to be parents or take the pain of loss away but it does give us what we need to find purpose in our days outside of our longing for a baby. I am ready for this week to be over.
This month had been wonderfully un-terrible and in comparison with many, many previous months it still holds that reputation but last night tipped me over the emotional edge and had to blink back tears a few different times. At the BBQ I chatted to friends, laughed, ate burgers and moved past the threatened tears to have a really nice evening, but when we got home my tears finally showed up and made a home on my hubby's strong shoulder.
My hope is still strong but sometimes that is what makes the waiting so much harder. I truly believe that God has something amazing in store for us as He grows our family but it seems to be much harder to be patient when there is a promise of something wonderful.
I continue to try and embrace the blend of emotions that make life full and beautiful. I rest in the peace of Jesus and try to manage the fear of my own humanity, hoping that In Him I can find the strength to be present in all the moments of my life as we wait.
We fight to be known, and to be transparent. We desire to walk this road honestly. It's not all rosy all the time. The truth of finding peace is real but tears will still find me. The peace does not eliminate our desire to be parents or take the pain of loss away but it does give us what we need to find purpose in our days outside of our longing for a baby. I am ready for this week to be over.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Hostage
I am being held hostage by my period. Seriously. Every month since we have been on medication to help maintain a pregnancy if we are blessed to fall pregnant, I have to endure a time of waiting between knowing I am not pregnant and getting my period. It's torture.
I take the medication from a few days after I ovulate until 14 days past. Then I take a home pregnancy test. If it is negative (which it has been since January) I stop the medication and wait for nature to take it's course. However, this medication has been holding things off, and making my uterus a soft and cozy place for any potential embryos to implant. It takes a while for my body to realise that I have been tricking it and it can get rid of all the extra comfy home furnishings because they are not needed this time. It usually takes 4-5 days after I get my negative test (and usually I have known before that because of the lack of symptoms that I have got in previous pregnancies) so it feels like an endless amount of time waiting for the inevitable.
As much as this post and this blog may make you believe I am open to discuss bodily functions at the drop of a hat, I do have some standards. I do not like to refuse an invitation because I may be getting my period, seriously, is it biblical times and I have to confess my potential 'uncleanliness'?
However, it does mean I try and limit making plans and try and set some plan B's in motion just in case. It may seem crazy, I mean millions of women have this happen every month and carry on as usual. This truth is not lost on me. I used to be one of those blessed ladies. However, this medication, and all the extra throw pillows and scented candles it brings to make my uterus feel homey means that this is no ordinary period. It is a period that goes where no period has gone before. [Perhaps I should have included a disclaimer that there was lots of mentions of my period? Oh well, it really shouldn't shock anymore - sorry for any offense]
So I can go from having 0 symptoms such as I have now, to on the floor rolling around, cramps just laughing at the medication I try to use to subdue them, sick to my stomach and totally out of it, in about 15 minutes. So I never want to be more than a stones throw away from a bed, a heat pad and some painkillers in my days of waiting.
The speed of arrival is what is holding me hostage. J's company has tickets to the afternoon Mariner game tomorrow and I would love to go, but I am terrified that things will start moving and shaking while I am out and I cannot imagine anything worse than feeling that way while in a stadium full of thousands of other people, or while riding home on public transport. So do I risk it? I guess we will have to see what tomorrow brings.
I also had to see if there was a possible plan B to put in place in case the big P holds off for another day and claims my Thursday, rendering me unable to watch Lucy.
And then another baseball game plan on Friday night, a double date with our friends (I haven't been to a game in 2 years and now potentially will be watching 2 in a week - that's a lot of baseball but at least this season there is a better chance they will win at least one of those) Anywho, this is my situation. My hostage situation. So I wait for the inevitable and hope it doesn't claim too many lives!
I just wish one month I will be waiting for something different, like a scan of a baby's heartbeat. It would be easier to wait for that.
I take the medication from a few days after I ovulate until 14 days past. Then I take a home pregnancy test. If it is negative (which it has been since January) I stop the medication and wait for nature to take it's course. However, this medication has been holding things off, and making my uterus a soft and cozy place for any potential embryos to implant. It takes a while for my body to realise that I have been tricking it and it can get rid of all the extra comfy home furnishings because they are not needed this time. It usually takes 4-5 days after I get my negative test (and usually I have known before that because of the lack of symptoms that I have got in previous pregnancies) so it feels like an endless amount of time waiting for the inevitable.
As much as this post and this blog may make you believe I am open to discuss bodily functions at the drop of a hat, I do have some standards. I do not like to refuse an invitation because I may be getting my period, seriously, is it biblical times and I have to confess my potential 'uncleanliness'?
However, it does mean I try and limit making plans and try and set some plan B's in motion just in case. It may seem crazy, I mean millions of women have this happen every month and carry on as usual. This truth is not lost on me. I used to be one of those blessed ladies. However, this medication, and all the extra throw pillows and scented candles it brings to make my uterus feel homey means that this is no ordinary period. It is a period that goes where no period has gone before. [Perhaps I should have included a disclaimer that there was lots of mentions of my period? Oh well, it really shouldn't shock anymore - sorry for any offense]
So I can go from having 0 symptoms such as I have now, to on the floor rolling around, cramps just laughing at the medication I try to use to subdue them, sick to my stomach and totally out of it, in about 15 minutes. So I never want to be more than a stones throw away from a bed, a heat pad and some painkillers in my days of waiting.
The speed of arrival is what is holding me hostage. J's company has tickets to the afternoon Mariner game tomorrow and I would love to go, but I am terrified that things will start moving and shaking while I am out and I cannot imagine anything worse than feeling that way while in a stadium full of thousands of other people, or while riding home on public transport. So do I risk it? I guess we will have to see what tomorrow brings.
I also had to see if there was a possible plan B to put in place in case the big P holds off for another day and claims my Thursday, rendering me unable to watch Lucy.
And then another baseball game plan on Friday night, a double date with our friends (I haven't been to a game in 2 years and now potentially will be watching 2 in a week - that's a lot of baseball but at least this season there is a better chance they will win at least one of those) Anywho, this is my situation. My hostage situation. So I wait for the inevitable and hope it doesn't claim too many lives!
I just wish one month I will be waiting for something different, like a scan of a baby's heartbeat. It would be easier to wait for that.
Friday, June 24, 2011
How are you?
I have had a similar conversation with about 7 people over the last few days as they have asked, "How are you doing?" I wanted to get the feelings down on paper. To build my tower of rocks to look back on someday when life is harder, reminding me of this season.
As anyone who longs for something knows, sometimes the waiting and hoping is easier than other times. A reminder that could have turned me into a pool of tears a few months ago, no longer seems to hold that power. Another month passes without pregnancy and the disappointment that sent me into a dark spiral before no longer has that effect.
I feel such an overwhelming sense of peace that we are right where God wants us. I wish it could be different, I wish we could have our baby today but we have always prayed that God would build our family and I do not believe he has ignored our prayer. And if this is true, we can wait.
I didn't realise how much of a dark place I had been in until in the past month I have been able to look back from my brighter emotional perspective today and see just how far I have come.
I am so thankful for the opportunity to walk with peace truly ruling my heart. I know that it was nothing I did that has brought me out of the darkness and into this place. This is the result of our prayers, and the prayers of those around us. It is a reflection of God's character. His faithfulness to be the strength we need in every trial. We do not know what our journey will look like, but I am hopeful that this peace can continue to be strong in my life in a way that guides our decisions.
It is supposed to be summer, but I think Seattle is taking this Saturday off because it has been overcast all morning. J and I am hunkered down watching part one of 'Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows' and we are hoping our submission to un-summer activities will be the double bluff needed to make the sun shine! We'll see I guess!!
Happy Saturday all.
As anyone who longs for something knows, sometimes the waiting and hoping is easier than other times. A reminder that could have turned me into a pool of tears a few months ago, no longer seems to hold that power. Another month passes without pregnancy and the disappointment that sent me into a dark spiral before no longer has that effect.
I feel such an overwhelming sense of peace that we are right where God wants us. I wish it could be different, I wish we could have our baby today but we have always prayed that God would build our family and I do not believe he has ignored our prayer. And if this is true, we can wait.
I didn't realise how much of a dark place I had been in until in the past month I have been able to look back from my brighter emotional perspective today and see just how far I have come.
I am so thankful for the opportunity to walk with peace truly ruling my heart. I know that it was nothing I did that has brought me out of the darkness and into this place. This is the result of our prayers, and the prayers of those around us. It is a reflection of God's character. His faithfulness to be the strength we need in every trial. We do not know what our journey will look like, but I am hopeful that this peace can continue to be strong in my life in a way that guides our decisions.
It is supposed to be summer, but I think Seattle is taking this Saturday off because it has been overcast all morning. J and I am hunkered down watching part one of 'Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows' and we are hoping our submission to un-summer activities will be the double bluff needed to make the sun shine! We'll see I guess!!
Happy Saturday all.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
What's for Dinner Wednesday - Crock Pot Chicken Stew
This summer I am back nannying Lucy one day a week. Read that as I am hanging out with pretty much the coolest 2 year old on the planet. Last week was my first week back and it was so fun to see how much she has changes since I last took care of her. It's the best job in the world!
On days when I am working J and I travel home together. This means that we both return home tired and hungry. And this is why I am falling more in love with my crock pot. There is nothing like coming in through the front door to the delicious smell of something ready for eating!
I will be trying out some new recipes to build up a crock pot recipe portfolio that I can use when I am in a pinch for time.
This stew was a hearty dish. Tasty and simple. When I was making dinner on the night before, I also chopped most of the vegetables for the stew and kept them in tupperware in the fridge overnight. I also defrosted some chicken overnight so it would be ready to cut into pieces. It made it pretty simple to put together quickly as we were running out of the door.
This is as easy recipe to add to or switch things out depending on what you have in your fridge.
INGREDIENTS
1 large chicken breast cut into bite size chunks
8 red potatoes, halved
1 onion, sliced thin
6 mushrooms
2 C fresh green beans
3 sticks of celery, sliced think
4 carrots, cut into chunks
2 1/2 C chicken broth
1/2 C white wine
5 sprigs of coarsely chopped parsley
1 bay leaf
salt and pepper to taste
Put in the crock pot, high heat for 5 hours or low heat for 8 hours.
Enjoy!
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
First day of Summer
This post is coming a little late in the day because I have been out enjoying the sunshine all day! Yes, it almost hit 80 degrees today and its been glorious. I have said it many times but Green Lake is one of my fave places and I spent some self indulgent time sipping on Jamba Juice and doing a little reading in the sun earlier, then I came home and did a little reading on the porch in the sun. I know, it's hard to be on break from school! I should mention I also vacuumed and did laundry so you don't think it was all play - but play did have the majority of my time today!
And on days like this I love how simple and delicious dinner can be. I chopped up some romaine lettuce, celery, strawberries, nectarines and cucumber - most from our box delivery and then poured on a little balsamic vinegar and voila! I needed a little something extra so I made some quick quesadillas too. A full tummy feels so good when it's full of good things.
After dinner, J went out to the beach to play some volleyball but I am so tired from all the sun today I stayed home. I had grand plans but can barely keep my eyes open so they never amounted to anything. I guess my body is trying to adjust to coping with lots of being outside in the sunshine...I am hoping it will be an adjustment I will get to use a lot this summer!! ha ha
I guess this post wasn't very interesting. It was not a day that will stand out in history for any particular reason, but boy it was a good day. So much beauty in my life, so many good people. Happy day.
And on days like this I love how simple and delicious dinner can be. I chopped up some romaine lettuce, celery, strawberries, nectarines and cucumber - most from our box delivery and then poured on a little balsamic vinegar and voila! I needed a little something extra so I made some quick quesadillas too. A full tummy feels so good when it's full of good things.
After dinner, J went out to the beach to play some volleyball but I am so tired from all the sun today I stayed home. I had grand plans but can barely keep my eyes open so they never amounted to anything. I guess my body is trying to adjust to coping with lots of being outside in the sunshine...I am hoping it will be an adjustment I will get to use a lot this summer!! ha ha
I guess this post wasn't very interesting. It was not a day that will stand out in history for any particular reason, but boy it was a good day. So much beauty in my life, so many good people. Happy day.
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