Hostage

I am being held hostage by my period. Seriously. Every month since we have been on medication to help maintain a pregnancy if we are blessed to fall pregnant, I have to endure a time of waiting between knowing I am not pregnant and getting my period. It's torture.

I take the medication from a few days after I ovulate until 14 days past. Then I take a home pregnancy test. If it is negative (which it has been since January) I stop the medication and wait for nature to take it's course. However, this medication has been holding things off, and making my uterus a soft and cozy place for any potential embryos to implant. It takes a while for my body to realise that I have been tricking it and it can get rid of all the extra comfy home furnishings because they are not needed this time. It usually takes 4-5 days after I get my negative test (and usually I have known before that because of the lack of symptoms that I have got in previous pregnancies) so it feels like an endless amount of time waiting for the inevitable.

As much as this post and this blog may make you believe I am open to discuss bodily functions at the drop of a hat, I do have some standards. I do not like to refuse an invitation because I may be getting my period, seriously, is it biblical times and I have to confess my potential 'uncleanliness'?

However, it does mean I try and limit making plans and try and set some plan B's in motion just in case. It may seem crazy, I mean millions of women have this happen every month and carry on as usual. This truth is not lost on me. I used to be one of those blessed ladies. However, this medication, and all the extra throw pillows and scented candles it brings to make my uterus feel homey means that this is no ordinary period. It is a period that goes where no period has gone before. [Perhaps I should have included a disclaimer that there was lots of mentions of my period? Oh well, it really shouldn't shock anymore - sorry for any offense]

So I can go from having 0 symptoms such as I have now, to on the floor rolling around, cramps just laughing at the medication I try to use to subdue them, sick to my stomach and totally out of it, in about 15 minutes. So I never want to be more than a stones throw away from a bed, a heat pad and some painkillers in my days of waiting.

The speed of arrival is what is holding me hostage. J's company has tickets to the afternoon Mariner game tomorrow and I would love to go, but I am terrified that things will start moving and shaking while I am out and I cannot imagine anything worse than feeling that way while in a stadium full of thousands of other people, or while riding home on public transport. So do I risk it? I guess we will have to see what tomorrow brings.

I also had to see if there was a possible plan B to put in place in case the big P holds off for another day and claims my Thursday, rendering me unable to watch Lucy.

And then another baseball game plan on Friday night, a double date with our friends (I haven't been to a game in 2 years and now potentially will be watching 2 in a week - that's a lot of baseball but at least this season there is a better chance they will win at least one of those) Anywho, this is my situation. My hostage situation. So I wait for the inevitable and hope it doesn't claim too many lives!

I just wish one month I will be waiting for something different, like a scan of a baby's heartbeat. It would be easier to wait for that.