So we are entering week 3 of my new fitness plan, and so far so good. I confess I have skipped a day here and there but it's been pretty consistent and now I have stepped out of my nanny position I can settle into a strong daily routine. I did avoid doing the work out yesterday, and even through it is only a DVD, Jillian made me pay for my sloth this morning! That is motivation to keep at it daily - fear!! ha ha
Today I woke up, made breakfast for Jeremy while he took a shower, worked out, took a shower myself, had a quiet time and then got ready for a study date with a friend who I haven't seen for a long time. I'm here at the cafe with her now, studying - can you tell? It felt amazing to be up and out so early with so much under my belt already.
This new life routine of life has got me thinkin'. I am so blessed to have the freedom to step in being a full time student and home maker. I had many internal conversations about being a failure, or a wuss. How could I possibly feel overwhelmed with life, I was only working 2 days a week, my class load is so flexible. So many of my friends have full time jobs, kids, manage households and study I have no excuse to feel the way I do. I pushed forward for a few weeks feeling like this before I verbalised it to Jeremy and to friends, who were all so reassuring.
I was helped to recognise that in the last year or two I have gone through some pretty crazy life changes. Going back to school was a huge leap and as well as the assignments, papers and tests I am still re-learning how to study. That is a lot of pressure. I went from single to married, which has its own stresses and joys but any change can be tough on the body and mind, and as changes go that's a big one. I also went from having one room to care for in my old house, to a big ol' house to take care of and keep clean - a bg potentially messy blessing! I have Martha Stewart aspirations which don't help my cause in feeling the pressure of keeping house but with or without those there is laundry to do and bathrooms to clean, and carpets to vacuum.
So I have decided to put down my playing piece in this game of comparison and stop trying to fit in someone elses skinny jeans. That is never going to make me feel good about myself, infact it only highlights my flaws. I can't fit into someone elses life. One day, as life moves forward, school is more natural, I get a hold on running our house the way I want to and other things fall into place I can look for another part time job but for now I accept where I am and what I have on my plate is enough.
I can squeeze into my own skinny jeans and feel really great about myself. I can get my morning routines down to include working out and a quiet time (21 days to make a habit) and then as that becomes less of something to even think about I can add to my pile. Starting at the bottom with the things that are most important. My faith journey, the health of my marriage, taking good care of our bodies by eating well and working out, doing well in school. These are all important, very important and I am so blessed to be in a place to start with these building blocks as a foundation. And add to them as I can. Becoming a better friend, serving my neighbours, being creative, working outside my home. These are things I get to experience in snippets as I stand on my solid foundation.
I am so thankful for God's provision through Jeremy's job to have the freedom to take these steps, as the world watched me step out in the skinny jeans of my life.
This blessed season lets me find a new purpose, form a new vision and be the person I was designed to be.