The last week of the month, and our financial Peace University lessons have finished now but we are still learning the ropes of budgeting. I say that because we are in the final week of April, and will be relying on Easter leftovers to keep us on budget! ha ha
We celebrated Easter at our church yesterday morning and it was exciting to launch our Spilling Hope Campaign for the third year. As a community we are challenged to live Simply, save money and the at the end of 50 days, Give generously toward building wells in Uganda, Africa. The message of being a New Creation continues to ring loudly in my head.
I am a New Creation. In Christ's death and resurrection, I am made new. What does that look like in my day to day life? I am pretty sure I am not living in a way that shouts of this new life.
Last night in a moment of tears and yet another round of "why is this so hard?" questioning, Jeremy held me tight and simply said, "You will be a mother someday and you will be a great mother. It will happen. We will have a child. You can relax because we know someday, someway it will happen." (that may not be totally verbatim but it's close) I am not sure what was different from many other conversation we have had but something was. He is always an anchor when my heart is feeling tossed by the storm. I believe it was in part the result of the prayer deep in my heart to get unstuck. To move past just the sadness and the fear of the "what if's?"
Last fall when we first began to face the truth that baby making may not be the simple process it can be for others I started many of my sentences with "when we have a baby..." I was sad but far from hopeless. I had questions and wonderings, but I had dreams. Big beautiful dreams about our life with a baby.
Over time. Through losses and tears the 'whens' turned into 'ifs.'
The combination of the Easter Sunday message of hope and possibility, the opportunity to be a part of something bigger than myself that go a little way to making God visible in a world that needs Him so much, my prayer to be lifted out of the sorrow, and Jeremy's strength and calm voice speaking truth worked together to remind me that I can stop fretting. I can get rid of the 'if' and replace it again with the 'when.'
Life can go on. I have room for the things I am passionate about, I can fill out today with joy and laughter as God writes the story of our family. I have nothing to fear. I believe God has spoken motherhood over my life, parenthood over our marriage, and I do not need to fret or panic or 'if.' I can rest in the peace that God holds the 'how' and the 'when.' His plans are beautiful and perfect. And so is my life.
In the midst of the tears and the loss, there is life and love and lots of laughter. There are friends and family, possibility and passions and purpose. I have that today, in the moment. I have new life, everyday, because of what Jesus did on the cross. I just have to chose to step into it.
I am under no illusion that fear has totally left the building, or that I will not have wobbly days in the future. But I do feel as though a weight lifted from my shoulders yesterday. Now I get to step out in the freedom of this new life every day. And for the next 50 days (at least) Living Simply, to save to Give Generously!
He is Risen, He is Risen indeed.
I hope you all had a very special and happy Easter, and that you too know the blessing and hope that Jesus brings.
A snap of us enjoying lunch - would you believe we tried this shot a dozen times, and this was the best of the bunch. Seems you can't put a plate of food in front of my hubby without him eating...and we all know how eating shots turn out...well, they turn out like this, and this...!! Ha ha