It's 8.48pm and I am sitting on the couch with my feet up and having time to actually collect my thoughts. This season of life is so very full of, well, life but within it there seems to be so little time to reflect. I am worried the next couple of years will pass in a blur and I will miss all the lessons I could have learned on the way. In seasons of life such as this where I am stretched beyond myself I usually learn the most about who I am, and also about who God is as he reaches in with grace to make up the difference.
Today was a tough parenting day. Levi has been really acting out; throwing everything he happens to have in his hands at a moment of frustration (unfortunately for those around him who end up at the brunt of his frustration he has great aim and a lot of power behind him). He has also taken to slapping in frustration when corrected. Awesome.
I don't want him to be the kid no one wants to play with.
He is still transitioning to his bed which at this moment in times means naps are shorter as he wakes up after single sleep cycles, and at night he has been waking and disturbed. Sometimes ending up in our bed (see previous post to know how well that turns out!) So all in all, he is sleeping much less and of course this just decreases his ability to keep his emotions in check even more.
He is also still adjusting to Nora as she is more and more present in our day. She has gone from sleeping all the time to being awake and playful, needing more of my attention and taking focus from him. For the most part, he is so sweet with her and even though he is busy around her, any tears come from him giving too much lovin' with no bad intention. I think much of his behaviour is a call for attention. Not really a shocker but heartbreaking to see him act out.
I am not making excuses, his behaviour is unacceptable and he has to understand that. But being consistent in discipline is exhausting and complicated with an infant to care for. I feel as though I have let too much slide recently and given too much grace. I need to step up. Enforce time outs in a much more consistent way. Try to see his heart, and give positive attention as much as possible.
I am also eager to have more time for just the two of us. Because Nora is exclusively breast fed it can be easy for our family to pair off with her and me going one direction and J and Levi going in the other but we need to be more intentional for Levi and I to have adventures together. I am not sure exactly how or when but I am looking to have it be a regular thing.
After I put Nora down for the night and while J put Levi down I had some time to myself in the kitchen. I made kale chips for lunch and snacks tomorrow and also turned the 3 over ripe bananas on the counter into banana bread which is baking as I type. Sometimes the best way for me to process is to be creating something delicious at the same time.
Just having that hour or so to myself, to think, to pray, to reflect, I am feeling more committed to parenting my kiddos well, to loving my hubby and more certain of my need for God's grace. This may not be an easy time in our family but the effort of consistency is so worth it to help my kids develop good character and know they are loved, even in times when they struggle. I feel so blessed to know that my heavenly father is faithfully parenting me in the same way.