In control

Even in laughter the heart may ache. — Proverbs 14:13

God doesn't promise us a life free of pain, but he is also clear that he will be faithful in the midst of our trials. This Infertility journey is tough, and it has defined some pieces of our life but it does not mean our lives are sad and gloomy all the time.

I certainly have days when I give in to the dark side, but for the most part I try not to dwell on it. It makes me sad, and ultimately there is little I can do to change it. Our struggle comes up in conversations, mostly because I have lovely friends who care enough to ask but I also talk about other things! In fact, while I am happy to keep people update, and answer questions or share our story, its really nice to have a conversation that doesn't involve us not having babies.

In other news, I haven't posted about my 'getting in shape' progress for a while so it's time for a mention. I haven't dropped the ball but I it is going to be a slow and steady journey so it can take time to see progress. From a pretty steady 155lbs, I am now a consistent 149lbs give or take .5 in either direction. I think going Gluten Free played a big part in this, and I know being more intentional to get outside and walk every day has been key too. While I am proud of this drop, and can see it on my waist, my booty and thighs are still holding onto some bulk that is now just even more emphasized!! Ideally, I want to be between 140-145lbs so I have a little ways to go still but I think with summer hinting at making an appearance it will help.

While many of the things in my life right now are outside of my control, it feels good to have a goal, and a focus that is healthy - in multiple ways. Healthy because I want to feel good, and I do that my putting good nutrition in my body. Healthy because I want to feel good about the way I look. I have never really struggled with body image, but now in my 30's I notice things are changing, and I would like to reign in these changes before they get away from me! Healthy because I want to be fit, and forcing myself off the couch and out into the beauty of the PNW is good for the body and for the soul. I am sure there are more reasons. But honestly, that's enough. It feels important to give these other, attainable wants some airtime. On days when the gloom threatens to take over it is good to remember that there is more to our lives than just having a baby.

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on
me.
2 Corinthians 12:9