Yuck. Bad night. Poor baby boy was up every hour or so. Just uncomfortable and needing to be rocked or fed to soothe him.
I am not sure if he is feeling poorly, if I gave him my cold and this is him trying to figure out what to do with a body that feels yucky.
I have also heard from some seasoned parents that a really bad, out of character night can mean that a baby is about to master a milestone. If that's the case, and the badness of the night is proportionate to the milestone, I can be expecting to see Levi high jumping over the couch later today...or cooking me dinner.
I declared this a pajama day, I changed Levi because of a peeing through the first pair of jammies incident, but I just put him in another cozy pair. I am in sweats so if I have to answer the door I won't scare anyone but I haven't looked in the mirror. It's one of those days. I just don't care.
L just dropped off in the baby swing, poor little guy, he's exhausted but just can't seem to settle for long, so I am going to make the most of it and put my head down on the couch and see if I can't take a little nap too. I am really hoping the motion can allow him (and me) to get a good nap in.
Praying hard that we both feel better soon.
Friday, September 28, 2012
Thursday, September 27, 2012
Snuggly kind of day
I love holding babies. And I really love holding my baby. However, during the day there are times when I need both hands and so I put my baby down, in our house this happens most when Levi is sleeping _ He likes to nap in the baby swing. However this morning I woke up with a really sore throat and low energy and as the day is progressing so is the "I am getting a cold" realisation.
Buggy did take his morning nap in the swing while I pumped and did a few other bits and pieces, like shower, but the tiredness of the cold is hitting now. I decided to give in to it. I am snuggled on the couch with my boy fast asleep and snoring on my chest. While he sleeps I am catching up on some junky TV and drinking tea. Oh, and blogging it would seem.
This is my first sickness in a long time, and certainly post baby and I am really hoping and praying that Levi stays healthy. His diet is mostly super immune system building mama milk so he should be invincible, right?
And that's about as exciting as it gets in our house today. Sometimes it takes being a little under the weather to force you to slow down, and that's exactly what happened. While I do not enjoy feeling poorly, today was not a bad day. It involved lots of tea and snuggles. I am making the most of the thick sofa blankets that have been neglected through the summer months.
Pork chops with apples and green beans on the menu tonight. That feels like a comfort food meal. I like that (head cold aside) I feel together enough to get back into the kitchen a little bit. Even with my sore throat, this meal doesn't feel like too much effort and while I make it, Daddy will be doing the baby snuggling!
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Thankful Mama
As predicted, or good sleep run took a bit of a back slide last
night. We still had an almost 4 hour stretch but after that things were
really broken up. It's amazing how my body had adjusted to those
slightly longer periods of sleep already which made being awake so much
last night really rough! Poor baby boy wasn't even really awake for
much of his squirming and grunting but he couldn't settle.
He had really bad gas pains and so his little cries made my heart break. His eyes scrunched closed, and his body squirming in pain and his teeny lower lip trembling before the cry comes again. Oh Lord, tears coming to my eyes just thinking about it.
The cries started again, after only 5 minutes of peace. I have yet to even try to sleep because I have come to know that if he doesn't last 10 minutes then we have to start the process over again, so why bother trying to get my body to relax until I know one way or the other if I will actually get to sleep? I dragged my body to sitting position, and lifted my tiny boy out of his bassinet and held him close. His squirms began to settle and his breathing slowed - again. His body looks peaceful again and I begin to hope that sleep may not be too far away for me. Exhausting.
This cycle lasted for what seemed like an eternity. Everything seems worse in the early hours of the morning.
During one particularly squirmy wake up, my sleep deprivation seemed to peak. I felt out of energy, and out of joy and in that moment I was gently convicted. Was I celebrating the opportunity to love on this baby boy? Was my heart at all thankful that this little miracle needed me to soothe him, that I get to be his Mother? The verse "Give thanks in all circumstances" rang in my ears. In that moment, I chose to be thankful.
It didn't make the following wake-ups less painful, or this morning feel less exhausting but truly my attitude change has made this a great day. Looking at my sweet baby and knowing that he needs me I am so thankful.
[Sidenote - I am very also very thankful that my baby is a good napper in the day. He is still having a love fest with the baby swing and will stay contentedly rocking for a good 2 hours+. This means that even on days that follow that roughest of nights, there is usually time for me to nap!]
I am realising that in the crazy that is new parenthood it's hard to fit in basic things like showering and eating, and for me quiet times have fallen by the wayside under the pile of laundry and to-do lists. I am missing time with Jesus. I am realising that I do not have what it takes to do this job without His help and every day I need Him more and more. I am not sure how it will happen, but I know I need to make time...
And finally, the smile picture I promised on an earlier post - yes, he is that adorable. I can say with complete honesty and a heart full of joy and so very thankful to be his Mama.
He had really bad gas pains and so his little cries made my heart break. His eyes scrunched closed, and his body squirming in pain and his teeny lower lip trembling before the cry comes again. Oh Lord, tears coming to my eyes just thinking about it.
The cries started again, after only 5 minutes of peace. I have yet to even try to sleep because I have come to know that if he doesn't last 10 minutes then we have to start the process over again, so why bother trying to get my body to relax until I know one way or the other if I will actually get to sleep? I dragged my body to sitting position, and lifted my tiny boy out of his bassinet and held him close. His squirms began to settle and his breathing slowed - again. His body looks peaceful again and I begin to hope that sleep may not be too far away for me. Exhausting.
This cycle lasted for what seemed like an eternity. Everything seems worse in the early hours of the morning.
During one particularly squirmy wake up, my sleep deprivation seemed to peak. I felt out of energy, and out of joy and in that moment I was gently convicted. Was I celebrating the opportunity to love on this baby boy? Was my heart at all thankful that this little miracle needed me to soothe him, that I get to be his Mother? The verse "Give thanks in all circumstances" rang in my ears. In that moment, I chose to be thankful.
It didn't make the following wake-ups less painful, or this morning feel less exhausting but truly my attitude change has made this a great day. Looking at my sweet baby and knowing that he needs me I am so thankful.
[Sidenote - I am very also very thankful that my baby is a good napper in the day. He is still having a love fest with the baby swing and will stay contentedly rocking for a good 2 hours+. This means that even on days that follow that roughest of nights, there is usually time for me to nap!]
I am realising that in the crazy that is new parenthood it's hard to fit in basic things like showering and eating, and for me quiet times have fallen by the wayside under the pile of laundry and to-do lists. I am missing time with Jesus. I am realising that I do not have what it takes to do this job without His help and every day I need Him more and more. I am not sure how it will happen, but I know I need to make time...
And finally, the smile picture I promised on an earlier post - yes, he is that adorable. I can say with complete honesty and a heart full of joy and so very thankful to be his Mama.
Monday, September 24, 2012
Two men in my bed...adventures in co-sleeping
When we were making plans for the first weeks of our baby's life both J and I felt it was important that he stayed closed to us at night. We looked into co-sleepers which attach to the side of the bed but they didn't work with our bed frame so we then settled on a sweet little mini bassinet which sits on the bed between the pillows and lets baby sleep with us but without the risk that we could roll over onto him!
We have loved having him close by for the first month and it has made getting up in the night to breast feed much more manageable in my tired opinion!
Our doula once commented that sleep deprivation is bad enough that they use it as a torture device in some places. That makes us feel better about complaining that we are tired. I think it's funny that some friends have commented about the fact my Facebook status updates have become 'parent-ified' because they are all about sleep. It's true. I think about sleep a lot these days. I have come to the conclusion that it's not something you have to think abut when you are able to get a good solid 8 hours a night. When that diminishes to blocks of 2 hours at a time - sometimes less - you can't think about anything else.
The tiredness is tough, and it makes everything more difficult, and for me more emotional. After a bad night, everything makes me cry. I mean everything. I just can't cope. I know that hormones come in waves too so when they hit on the same day, forget about it. Game over. PJ's, warm blankets and lots of cups of tea are all I can manage. But in the midst of it all, the sweet family moments we share at night going to bed, and waking up in the morning have been totally worth it. Waking up and looking over at my sweet baby and lovely hubby sleeping soundly is the best thing.
However, the other night I did wake up in the early hours to both J and Levi snoring away! Oh brother!
I love turning over and seeing my little man peaceful and sleeping beside me. It's especially lovely because it wasn't happening very often. Our little guy was really struggling at night time. Recently, he has been doing better and last night he did a 5 hour stretch from 11pm-4am. It was amazing, and pretty funny when Jeremy and I woke up to Levi's cries asking one another if they had got up with him previously because we couldn't believe he has slept that long!
Levi struggles with gas pretty bad, and often his sleeping is disturbed by gas pains. He grunts and wriggles and then eventually lets out a big fart and then settles down again. I am hoping as his little system gets more developed this will be less of a problem for him and let him sleep undisturbed and peacefully for as long as his little body needs.
I know that our days of co-sleeping will be coming to an end pretty soon as our baby boy and his big appetite will be growing out of his little bassinet soon so I am cherishing these days.
I am sure this will not be the last post about our sleep adventures but I'll end it in summary of our adventure so far...we thought our baby was broken for a while because we couldn't get him to sleep more than 2.5 hours at a time, but over time he has figured it out with no intervention from us and is now doing some 4 and 5 hour stretches *loud cheering*.
We have loved having him close by for the first month and it has made getting up in the night to breast feed much more manageable in my tired opinion!
Our doula once commented that sleep deprivation is bad enough that they use it as a torture device in some places. That makes us feel better about complaining that we are tired. I think it's funny that some friends have commented about the fact my Facebook status updates have become 'parent-ified' because they are all about sleep. It's true. I think about sleep a lot these days. I have come to the conclusion that it's not something you have to think abut when you are able to get a good solid 8 hours a night. When that diminishes to blocks of 2 hours at a time - sometimes less - you can't think about anything else.
The tiredness is tough, and it makes everything more difficult, and for me more emotional. After a bad night, everything makes me cry. I mean everything. I just can't cope. I know that hormones come in waves too so when they hit on the same day, forget about it. Game over. PJ's, warm blankets and lots of cups of tea are all I can manage. But in the midst of it all, the sweet family moments we share at night going to bed, and waking up in the morning have been totally worth it. Waking up and looking over at my sweet baby and lovely hubby sleeping soundly is the best thing.
However, the other night I did wake up in the early hours to both J and Levi snoring away! Oh brother!
I love turning over and seeing my little man peaceful and sleeping beside me. It's especially lovely because it wasn't happening very often. Our little guy was really struggling at night time. Recently, he has been doing better and last night he did a 5 hour stretch from 11pm-4am. It was amazing, and pretty funny when Jeremy and I woke up to Levi's cries asking one another if they had got up with him previously because we couldn't believe he has slept that long!
Levi struggles with gas pretty bad, and often his sleeping is disturbed by gas pains. He grunts and wriggles and then eventually lets out a big fart and then settles down again. I am hoping as his little system gets more developed this will be less of a problem for him and let him sleep undisturbed and peacefully for as long as his little body needs.
I know that our days of co-sleeping will be coming to an end pretty soon as our baby boy and his big appetite will be growing out of his little bassinet soon so I am cherishing these days.
I am sure this will not be the last post about our sleep adventures but I'll end it in summary of our adventure so far...we thought our baby was broken for a while because we couldn't get him to sleep more than 2.5 hours at a time, but over time he has figured it out with no intervention from us and is now doing some 4 and 5 hour stretches *loud cheering*.
Thursday, September 20, 2012
Party in my crib at 4am!
So as I posted on Facebook in the early hours of the morning, Levi has decided that 4am is the new black. He keeps waking up around 4am and wanting to play, and while there is nothing inherently wrong with him waking at that time, after all it is usually between 2.5 and 3 hours since a feed so he's allowed to be hungry again...but it's after I have lovingly fed and changed the little stinker he is bright-eyed and far from willing to be rocked/patted/soothed in any way, back to sleep.
He wants to be awake, period. And despite my efforts he has remained so for over an hour each time. As has Mummy. My pleas for him to go back to sleep and even my most convincing arguments that, "See, it's still dark outside. This is the time we go nu-nights" or "Trust me it feels so good to sleep" fall on deaf ears and he remains adamant that he wants to enjoy the whole hour alert. One night last week when it was Jeremy's turn to do the night time convincing I heard him say, "If you go to sleep I will buy you a bike, a really, really, tiny bike" I haven't resorted to bribery yet, but I understand the urge! haha!
But in the midst of me yawning and wishing him back to sleep my little charmer knows exactly how to make me start to think that 4am isn't so bad after all by using the time to perfect his smiles. I mean huge beaming smiles, sometimes he even adds in some moderate cooing and gasps of delight. Then I'm hooked. Even sleep has a hard time competing with the hour of secret smiles, smiles just for me, no one else gets to see.
Smiles make it all worth it. So tonight, at 4am, I am ready for you little boy - just don't forget to bring your smiles!
Yes, I agree this post should have pictures but alas for now it doesn't...maybe I will get to that tomorrow. Cut me some slack, I am sleep deprived because my kid is up all night being cute.
He wants to be awake, period. And despite my efforts he has remained so for over an hour each time. As has Mummy. My pleas for him to go back to sleep and even my most convincing arguments that, "See, it's still dark outside. This is the time we go nu-nights" or "Trust me it feels so good to sleep" fall on deaf ears and he remains adamant that he wants to enjoy the whole hour alert. One night last week when it was Jeremy's turn to do the night time convincing I heard him say, "If you go to sleep I will buy you a bike, a really, really, tiny bike" I haven't resorted to bribery yet, but I understand the urge! haha!
But in the midst of me yawning and wishing him back to sleep my little charmer knows exactly how to make me start to think that 4am isn't so bad after all by using the time to perfect his smiles. I mean huge beaming smiles, sometimes he even adds in some moderate cooing and gasps of delight. Then I'm hooked. Even sleep has a hard time competing with the hour of secret smiles, smiles just for me, no one else gets to see.
Smiles make it all worth it. So tonight, at 4am, I am ready for you little boy - just don't forget to bring your smiles!
Yes, I agree this post should have pictures but alas for now it doesn't...maybe I will get to that tomorrow. Cut me some slack, I am sleep deprived because my kid is up all night being cute.
Friday, September 14, 2012
In a heartbeat
This morning I fought back tears as I packed away a few of Levi's "newborn" clothes. He still fits in a few outfits of that size, but lots of onesies require contorting his arms in funny ways to put them on him and are certainly snug in the length too. We could make do for a week or so more if we had to but there is a drawer-full of 0-3 month and 3-6 month clothes just waiting to be worn, so we might as well...At this point the newborn onesies are like muscle T's on him and the 0-3 month ones are like regular T-shirts!
I can't believe my baby boy is already outgrowing things that used to hang off him. Where id the time go?
We invested in some onesie stickers from Etsy to record his month milestones and I took the first ones this week because we hit his one month birthday. I am so excited to watch him grow but also sad that this time is passing so quickly. I feel as though we haven't taken enough pictures or video to capture this time and now its passed; the feedings, napping (mostly Levi, but we did our fair share too) and other basics took all our effort and thought and now here we are with a one month old. I hope we won't forget too much.
While I was nursing this morning, I watched the season premiere of 'Parenthood' on the DVR. The episode focused on one family saying goodbye to their daughter as she moved away for college. All of a sudden I was balling (hello hormones) I couldn't get it together as I began to think ahead to the being our boy one day,. I know, it's only a TV show, but I am sure most parents would have the same reactions as the parents in this fictional tale, where they just can't believe time passed so quickly and their baby is leaving home.
All of these thoughts have made me take to heart the reality that time passes in a heartbeat with children. One minute they are scrunched up and red faced coming home from the hospital and the next minute they are being handed their high school diploma and heading off to college or some other adventure. My laundry can wait, my dusty house will be dusty tomorrow, my laundry can pile up a little...because my boy is only tiny once. Tomorrow he will be one day older than he is today. I need to make the time to lay on the floor with him and watch him hold his head up for tummy time. I need to rock him to sleep in my arms, because before long he won't even want me to. I need to make time to just watch him sleeping because he is so peaceful and precious. Tomorrow he will be reaching different milestones. so I need to celebrate today's today. I don't want to miss anything, and knowing my house was pristine during these first months (maybe years) will be a insignificant reward when I look back on this time.
Levi is now officially a smiler. He's been working on it for a while now but I think yesterday he really nailed it. It was a perfect present for my birthday! He enjoys being on his tummy for short periods of time, and is a champ at holding his head up. Today we took a walk and he took forever to fall asleep as he looked around and was taking in everything he could about the world around him. His big beautiful blue eyes were so bright and not wanting to miss anything. He is also quite a talker - he gets that from his mother - he coos and grunts and tells us all about it. (Even in the middle of the night that's cute). He is growing and changing so much and I love to see it all.
My type A, ordered personality needs to pipe down and let my Mama's heart get her fill. Each and every day making time among the tasks of hte day to simply be with my boy. Enjoy him, get to know him, really see him because before I know it, he will be the one with the diploma in his hand (God willing) and I know that I want to look back knowing I savored every second of this time...[it also makes me start thinking very seriously about trying to have another baby in the future but that's a whole other post!!!]
One Month picture - he's not that impressed! ha ha
Tummy time
Baby's first wedding, all dressed up! (congrats Michelle and Carlos!)
Just cuteness
I can't believe my baby boy is already outgrowing things that used to hang off him. Where id the time go?
We invested in some onesie stickers from Etsy to record his month milestones and I took the first ones this week because we hit his one month birthday. I am so excited to watch him grow but also sad that this time is passing so quickly. I feel as though we haven't taken enough pictures or video to capture this time and now its passed; the feedings, napping (mostly Levi, but we did our fair share too) and other basics took all our effort and thought and now here we are with a one month old. I hope we won't forget too much.
While I was nursing this morning, I watched the season premiere of 'Parenthood' on the DVR. The episode focused on one family saying goodbye to their daughter as she moved away for college. All of a sudden I was balling (hello hormones) I couldn't get it together as I began to think ahead to the being our boy one day,. I know, it's only a TV show, but I am sure most parents would have the same reactions as the parents in this fictional tale, where they just can't believe time passed so quickly and their baby is leaving home.
All of these thoughts have made me take to heart the reality that time passes in a heartbeat with children. One minute they are scrunched up and red faced coming home from the hospital and the next minute they are being handed their high school diploma and heading off to college or some other adventure. My laundry can wait, my dusty house will be dusty tomorrow, my laundry can pile up a little...because my boy is only tiny once. Tomorrow he will be one day older than he is today. I need to make the time to lay on the floor with him and watch him hold his head up for tummy time. I need to rock him to sleep in my arms, because before long he won't even want me to. I need to make time to just watch him sleeping because he is so peaceful and precious. Tomorrow he will be reaching different milestones. so I need to celebrate today's today. I don't want to miss anything, and knowing my house was pristine during these first months (maybe years) will be a insignificant reward when I look back on this time.
Levi is now officially a smiler. He's been working on it for a while now but I think yesterday he really nailed it. It was a perfect present for my birthday! He enjoys being on his tummy for short periods of time, and is a champ at holding his head up. Today we took a walk and he took forever to fall asleep as he looked around and was taking in everything he could about the world around him. His big beautiful blue eyes were so bright and not wanting to miss anything. He is also quite a talker - he gets that from his mother - he coos and grunts and tells us all about it. (Even in the middle of the night that's cute). He is growing and changing so much and I love to see it all.
My type A, ordered personality needs to pipe down and let my Mama's heart get her fill. Each and every day making time among the tasks of hte day to simply be with my boy. Enjoy him, get to know him, really see him because before I know it, he will be the one with the diploma in his hand (God willing) and I know that I want to look back knowing I savored every second of this time...[it also makes me start thinking very seriously about trying to have another baby in the future but that's a whole other post!!!]
One Month picture - he's not that impressed! ha ha
Tummy time
Thursday, September 13, 2012
34
Here I am, 34 years old. How did that happen? Or when? Seems like just yesterday I was in high school, or even flying to Seattle for the first time - but that was 10 years ago almost to the day.
How do I feel about turning another year older? It's a question you get asked a lot on your birthday, especially as you get into your 30's. I think that we are all here waiting to feel middle aged and wondering if this will be the birthday that tips us over the edge. The stray grey hairs, or the wrinkles that may sneak onto a once taught forehead are signs of our aging but we still feel the way we did 20 years ago on the inside. This year, having experienced a birthday of a different sort just a month ago I have only one response. This year, I feel blessed.
I spoke to my friend Lisa on the phone today and she commented that my blog today won't be a wondering whether this will be the year I become a mother.
Levi slept well last night and woke up bright eyed and cooing at about 7am. He and I stayed in bed for an other hour at least as I fed and hanged him before just sitting him across from me, propped on a pillow, and chatting with him. He has been working hard to master smiling, and this morning he was showing off his skills big time. What better birthday present could I ask for? The smiles of my baby boy were better than anything you could find at Tiffany's.
This after noon friends, Sarah and Gennie and their kids came and hung out with me in my In-laws back yard and we indulged in a fabulous ice cream cake that sweet Sarah brought. She knows me SO well!! Ice cream cake is my fave!
Happy to say that this is the best birthday ever...and I am so excited for what this 35th year will hold.
How do I feel about turning another year older? It's a question you get asked a lot on your birthday, especially as you get into your 30's. I think that we are all here waiting to feel middle aged and wondering if this will be the birthday that tips us over the edge. The stray grey hairs, or the wrinkles that may sneak onto a once taught forehead are signs of our aging but we still feel the way we did 20 years ago on the inside. This year, having experienced a birthday of a different sort just a month ago I have only one response. This year, I feel blessed.
I spoke to my friend Lisa on the phone today and she commented that my blog today won't be a wondering whether this will be the year I become a mother.
Levi slept well last night and woke up bright eyed and cooing at about 7am. He and I stayed in bed for an other hour at least as I fed and hanged him before just sitting him across from me, propped on a pillow, and chatting with him. He has been working hard to master smiling, and this morning he was showing off his skills big time. What better birthday present could I ask for? The smiles of my baby boy were better than anything you could find at Tiffany's.
This after noon friends, Sarah and Gennie and their kids came and hung out with me in my In-laws back yard and we indulged in a fabulous ice cream cake that sweet Sarah brought. She knows me SO well!! Ice cream cake is my fave!
Happy to say that this is the best birthday ever...and I am so excited for what this 35th year will hold.
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Solo parenting
Feels like a long time since I have been here, I guess it has been a while. I have a little man in arms, or over my shoulder most of the time now, so posting is more difficult. I did try using the voice tool on my phone to write a post, but the text that came out wasn't close to what I was saying, so that won't work. I'm think ing that some days I will just post a picture from the phone, and hope that the saying is true, that a picture's worth a thousand words.
I am currently blogging while my sweet boy in being rocked in the arms of his grandma, and quite content. I swear, that this kid has 4 Grandparents who would medal in the Grandparent Olympics. He is so loved and so very blessed.
We are staying at my In-Laws because Jeremy is out of town for work for a few days and I confess the idea of days and nights totally alone with Levi was totally intimidating. Every time J would bring up his trip in conversation I would immediately burst into tears. I love his parents and know they love having us here - Levi especially, I'm under no illusions :) - but I wanted to be able to do it by myself. I wanted to feel like I could take care of my baby by myself. However, I realised that even though I probably could struggle through, being somewhere that has extra arms to help care for Levi and who can keep him occupied while I nap and eat was probably the smarter decision, and I am not regretting it.
I got to shower, brush my teeth and eat three meals and take a long nap yesterday. I was also able to go to the loo any time I needed - Reflecting back there were at least a couple of days last week that I didn't make it to the bathroom at all until J got home from work. I'm no doctor, but I am pretty sure that's not good...
I have been thinking A LOT about single parents and how strong they are to do what they do. I feel alone in the responsibility for Levi while Jeremy is gone, but I know I have him to call on if I need him, or if there is an emergency. I know that I have some me time coming my way when he gets back, not because he owes it to me, but because I know he will pretty much wrestle the baby from my arms as soon as he walks in the door!. I can go full steam ahead for these few days knowing that he will be there to be in this with me very soon. I can't imagine not having that support, and not having someone to share middle of the night feeds and diaper changes. Even sharing in the conversations about how cute our baby is. I mean, who does love to share milestones of first smiles (which Levi started doing this week - pics to come) how sad to be alone in those celebrations. Praying hard for strength for the single Mums I know. You are my heros.
I have come to the conclusion that sleep makes all the difference in how a day goes as a new parent, both for Levi and for me. Our poor little man seems to really struggle with digestive issues. He spends all night asleep but wriggling, farting, pooping, and burping. It cannot be restful for him, I know it isn't restful for me as I listen to him. When he does get some good sleep, its usually while he is being held (little stinker) he is the cutest sweetest, most content little peanut. But when he doesn't he is grunty and squirmy and hard to pacify. Even his tummy issues seem to be worse when he is tired. Plus, a bad nights sleep leads to a bad day of napping and vice versa.
For me, the world becomes much clearer when I have got some good stretches at night and when I am able to top up with a nap during the day. I love my baby boy, but I actually enjoy parenting much more when I am rested.
I laughed to myself the other day when J started talking about "projects' for the fall and winter. My mind went to putting away maternity clothes and finding a routine where I can shower and eat breakfast on the same days before noon...he was talking about remodeling our bathrooms. I guess we have different perceptions about attainable goals for ourselves in this season! haha!
This post feels a little scattered but I guess that's a fairly accurate reflection of what's going on in my brian right now.
Tomorrow I turn 34...wondering and excited for what this new year will hold.
I am currently blogging while my sweet boy in being rocked in the arms of his grandma, and quite content. I swear, that this kid has 4 Grandparents who would medal in the Grandparent Olympics. He is so loved and so very blessed.
We are staying at my In-Laws because Jeremy is out of town for work for a few days and I confess the idea of days and nights totally alone with Levi was totally intimidating. Every time J would bring up his trip in conversation I would immediately burst into tears. I love his parents and know they love having us here - Levi especially, I'm under no illusions :) - but I wanted to be able to do it by myself. I wanted to feel like I could take care of my baby by myself. However, I realised that even though I probably could struggle through, being somewhere that has extra arms to help care for Levi and who can keep him occupied while I nap and eat was probably the smarter decision, and I am not regretting it.
I got to shower, brush my teeth and eat three meals and take a long nap yesterday. I was also able to go to the loo any time I needed - Reflecting back there were at least a couple of days last week that I didn't make it to the bathroom at all until J got home from work. I'm no doctor, but I am pretty sure that's not good...
I have been thinking A LOT about single parents and how strong they are to do what they do. I feel alone in the responsibility for Levi while Jeremy is gone, but I know I have him to call on if I need him, or if there is an emergency. I know that I have some me time coming my way when he gets back, not because he owes it to me, but because I know he will pretty much wrestle the baby from my arms as soon as he walks in the door!. I can go full steam ahead for these few days knowing that he will be there to be in this with me very soon. I can't imagine not having that support, and not having someone to share middle of the night feeds and diaper changes. Even sharing in the conversations about how cute our baby is. I mean, who does love to share milestones of first smiles (which Levi started doing this week - pics to come) how sad to be alone in those celebrations. Praying hard for strength for the single Mums I know. You are my heros.
I have come to the conclusion that sleep makes all the difference in how a day goes as a new parent, both for Levi and for me. Our poor little man seems to really struggle with digestive issues. He spends all night asleep but wriggling, farting, pooping, and burping. It cannot be restful for him, I know it isn't restful for me as I listen to him. When he does get some good sleep, its usually while he is being held (little stinker) he is the cutest sweetest, most content little peanut. But when he doesn't he is grunty and squirmy and hard to pacify. Even his tummy issues seem to be worse when he is tired. Plus, a bad nights sleep leads to a bad day of napping and vice versa.
For me, the world becomes much clearer when I have got some good stretches at night and when I am able to top up with a nap during the day. I love my baby boy, but I actually enjoy parenting much more when I am rested.
I laughed to myself the other day when J started talking about "projects' for the fall and winter. My mind went to putting away maternity clothes and finding a routine where I can shower and eat breakfast on the same days before noon...he was talking about remodeling our bathrooms. I guess we have different perceptions about attainable goals for ourselves in this season! haha!
This post feels a little scattered but I guess that's a fairly accurate reflection of what's going on in my brian right now.
Tomorrow I turn 34...wondering and excited for what this new year will hold.
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Home Alone, the reality
Let the record show that Levi and I both survived our first day together!
At 1.30am I decided to let J sleep instead of having him change Levi's diaper - usually he does the diaper change while I set up to feed the munchkin, and then he can go back to sleep while Levi feeds - anyway, I was wide awake and Levi wasn't acting frantic to eat so I just took one for Team Blocher and took him to change him myself.
It was bad. It was a blow out. A real blow out. An 'up the back', 'all over his clothes' blow out. I should mention, it was his first real blow out. I hoped that this wasn't a sign of things to come in the rest of the day.
Levi was up to feed every 2.5 - 3 hours last night. Our new normal, and totally do-able. Tiring yes, but it is amazing how little sleep you can function on and how quickly you can adjust to a new normal when it comes to sleep. I still try to nap, and I sleep when he sleeps well into late morning, but so far it's working for us.
Anyway, Levi had a tough time falling into a deep sleep this morning and was boycotting naps lasting more than about 20 minutes, but acting like he had been asleep for hours and was waking up starving. I was feeding him constantly, or at least that's how it felt. For my still healing body this was tough (and sore) but I believe he really wanted to eat and wasn't just wanting comfort. I try to give the pacifier when I think he just needs help to settle, sometimes that works, but sometimes he calls me out and tells me how wrong I am!
I took him for a walk in the stroller to try and soothe him to sleep. He was mad and did not appreciate my efforts, he screamed for a couple of blocks before drifting off. My intention was to walk to the Post Office and get stamps to mail our birth announcements. About a third of the way there, then sun was hotter than I had expected and with every step I felt more tired. I decided that it was not in our best interests to continue on this errand. We turned around and I hoped that I would have a few minutes to nap or make lunch. Of course, as soon as we walked in the door by sweet boy decided to wake up. After a quick feed he went back to sleep and I managed to heat up leftovers from dinner last night that our sweet friend Suzanne made. It certainly made life much easier to have such a quick but nutritious lunch. I was even able to eat 3/4's of it before Levi woke from that cat nap :)
After another full feeding he went back to sleep and I was able to put him down in the swing and he has been there since, it's been an hour and a half, and I am hoping I have another half hour left.
In the mean time, I cleaned the kitchen, did a load of laundry, tidied and sorted the clothes in Levi's crib and put them away as well as finding homes for a bunch of baby gifts that we have received in the last week. Our baby is well loved!
I also put the inserts in the Bum Genius diapers which my Mum had lovingly washed/prepared while she was here (Thanks Mama). We hope Levi will be big enough to fit well in the cloth diapers starting in a couple of weeks. I can't wait!
All that to say, the day didn't go quite as I planned. I didn't manage to get to the Post Office, but I did manage to cross a few things off the list around here and we did get out for a short walk. Plus, Levi is fed and in a clean diaper, and I managed to get dressed, I even put on make-up and straightened my hair and I brushed me teeth! We also read stories, well, I read them aloud and Levi acted unimpressed, but still I enjoyed snuggling with him.
Hoping to find more of a routine in the coming days and weeks. But I realise that for a while I am at the mercy of this little guys schedule. It's tough to surrender my time to another person in this way when I have things I want to get done in the day, but I am adjusting to the new reality and with each little smile Levi gives me, (gas or not) and every cute noise he makes, I am reminded that every sacrifice is so worth it.
Tomorrow is another day...and I am feeling a little more confident that I can do this...and have hope that I will enjoy it more and more as the days pass. I am also certain that making time for a quiet time each day will be more essential than ever...do they make a waterproof Bible so i can do that in the shower, killing two birds and all that jazz?
Here is my handiwork, diapers all ready to go!
Be blessed friends, Happy Tuesday!
At 1.30am I decided to let J sleep instead of having him change Levi's diaper - usually he does the diaper change while I set up to feed the munchkin, and then he can go back to sleep while Levi feeds - anyway, I was wide awake and Levi wasn't acting frantic to eat so I just took one for Team Blocher and took him to change him myself.
It was bad. It was a blow out. A real blow out. An 'up the back', 'all over his clothes' blow out. I should mention, it was his first real blow out. I hoped that this wasn't a sign of things to come in the rest of the day.
Levi was up to feed every 2.5 - 3 hours last night. Our new normal, and totally do-able. Tiring yes, but it is amazing how little sleep you can function on and how quickly you can adjust to a new normal when it comes to sleep. I still try to nap, and I sleep when he sleeps well into late morning, but so far it's working for us.
Anyway, Levi had a tough time falling into a deep sleep this morning and was boycotting naps lasting more than about 20 minutes, but acting like he had been asleep for hours and was waking up starving. I was feeding him constantly, or at least that's how it felt. For my still healing body this was tough (and sore) but I believe he really wanted to eat and wasn't just wanting comfort. I try to give the pacifier when I think he just needs help to settle, sometimes that works, but sometimes he calls me out and tells me how wrong I am!
I took him for a walk in the stroller to try and soothe him to sleep. He was mad and did not appreciate my efforts, he screamed for a couple of blocks before drifting off. My intention was to walk to the Post Office and get stamps to mail our birth announcements. About a third of the way there, then sun was hotter than I had expected and with every step I felt more tired. I decided that it was not in our best interests to continue on this errand. We turned around and I hoped that I would have a few minutes to nap or make lunch. Of course, as soon as we walked in the door by sweet boy decided to wake up. After a quick feed he went back to sleep and I managed to heat up leftovers from dinner last night that our sweet friend Suzanne made. It certainly made life much easier to have such a quick but nutritious lunch. I was even able to eat 3/4's of it before Levi woke from that cat nap :)
After another full feeding he went back to sleep and I was able to put him down in the swing and he has been there since, it's been an hour and a half, and I am hoping I have another half hour left.
In the mean time, I cleaned the kitchen, did a load of laundry, tidied and sorted the clothes in Levi's crib and put them away as well as finding homes for a bunch of baby gifts that we have received in the last week. Our baby is well loved!
I also put the inserts in the Bum Genius diapers which my Mum had lovingly washed/prepared while she was here (Thanks Mama). We hope Levi will be big enough to fit well in the cloth diapers starting in a couple of weeks. I can't wait!
All that to say, the day didn't go quite as I planned. I didn't manage to get to the Post Office, but I did manage to cross a few things off the list around here and we did get out for a short walk. Plus, Levi is fed and in a clean diaper, and I managed to get dressed, I even put on make-up and straightened my hair and I brushed me teeth! We also read stories, well, I read them aloud and Levi acted unimpressed, but still I enjoyed snuggling with him.
Hoping to find more of a routine in the coming days and weeks. But I realise that for a while I am at the mercy of this little guys schedule. It's tough to surrender my time to another person in this way when I have things I want to get done in the day, but I am adjusting to the new reality and with each little smile Levi gives me, (gas or not) and every cute noise he makes, I am reminded that every sacrifice is so worth it.
Tomorrow is another day...and I am feeling a little more confident that I can do this...and have hope that I will enjoy it more and more as the days pass. I am also certain that making time for a quiet time each day will be more essential than ever...do they make a waterproof Bible so i can do that in the shower, killing two birds and all that jazz?
Here is my handiwork, diapers all ready to go!
Monday, September 3, 2012
Home Alone, the preamble
We just said goodbye to my parents who have been with us for
the last two weeks. Along with loving on Levi, holding him so we could shower
and eat as well as the general loving that Grandparents do, they also grocery
shopped and my Mum made meals every night for dinner. It was amazing,
especially as the second and third weeks of motherhood were much more of a
challenge (in every way) than the first one.
As I type this, Levi is milk drunk and asleep on the Boppy
on my lap after almost an hour long feeding. I am trying to be better at making
him stay awake to do full feeds on both sides in the hopes he will sleep more
soundly after if he does. I am also trying to pump after he feeds to try and
get some milk stocked but so far we have used everything I have managed to
pump. We have still been supplementing with a couple of ounces of formula in
the evenings because Levi has the appetite of a teenager in those difficult
hours between about 9pm and midnight and I cannot seem to keep up with the demand.
If I have pumped anything we give him that first, and some days that will
satisfy him, but not always. I wish I could be all he needs and I am hopeful
that in time as we get into more of a routine we may be able to feed him solely
breast milk, but in the mean time I need to set aside the guilt I feel about
formula feeding and know that it’s the best for my kid. We have bought some
organic formula instead of using the samples from the hospital so at least that
lesson my anxiety about it a little.
Anyway, this being Labor Day here in the US Jeremy is home but tomorrow he will be back at work. Now we have said goodbye to my folks,
tomorrow will be the first I am home alone with Levi. I have mixed emotions
as I contemplate this event. Earlier when I confirmed with Jeremy that he was indeed returning to work tomorrow morning, I couldn't even get the words out before the tears were falling. At the same time, I am quite looking forward to figuring out more of a routine for our days, begin to find our new normal, and learn how to do this mother thing without the safety net of other pairs of hands to help.
I am aware that when I wake up, no one will be bring my tea or breakfast in bed while taking care of the baby so I can shower and get dressed. No one will be there to snuggle the bubs while I go to the toilet or pump. No one thinking about grocery shopping or meal planning - that's not totally true, we are extremely blessed to have friends who are bring meals a few times a few times a week so we will have days when I don't have to think about it, and in these early weeks that feels like the best gift.
I am not sure what the day will hold tomorrow. I have a plan...a small one so that the empty hours will hopefully not seems so intimidating. We will get up and dressed (no time frame for this to occur), we will eat, and at some point when Levi falls asleep or needs to fall asleep, we will take a walk in the sunshine to the post office to get stamps to mail birth announcements. It's strange to think that in a whole day it might be tough to even get those few things accomplished but I guess I am trying to hold loosely to even that list. If we are both still in PJ's when Jeremy comes home, and we need to get take out for dinner then I want to have grace with myself that as long as Levi has been fed and clean diapered then it can be considered a good day!
Ok, little man is wriggling, and pretty sure he needs a clean diaper so I am signing off. Wish me luck for tomorrow! I look forward to processing the day on here soon.
Saturday, September 1, 2012
Dear Levi - Three weeks old
Sweet boy,
I can't believe 3 weeks have passed since your birth. On one hand, it feels as though we just went to the hospital yesterday, anticipating your arrival, but on the other hand I can't remember life without you in it, it feels as though you have always been a part of my life.
You are growing big and strong. On Wednesday the doctor weighed you at 9lbs 1oz. I am so happy that you seem to be gaining well because we have had some issues with our breast feeding this week haven't we? Since we met with the lactation consultant you have been very patient as we have practiced our latch technique. You are a fast learner and already I am feeling much less sore and really enjoying our feeding times again, and you seem to love it too.
However, you are not great at staying awake when you are feeding to get a full feed. I am going to start being more intentional to make sure you have that full feed before I stop so that you can nap with a full belly and not wake up just because you are hungry. You seem to have ticklish toes, so I will be using that to my advantage to keep your eyes on the prize when you begin to fade!
Speaking of sleep, you are actually doing much better at night time. You have a grouchy time from abut 9 or 10pm to 12 or 1am which is not that enjoyable for us - especially for Daddy now he is back at work. During this period, you have a hard time settling to sleep and it seems like your gas pains are really bothering you. It's hard to watch you when it looks like you are in pain but we continue to give you Gripe water, which you take like its candy, and that seems to help at least for a little while. Once you have a full tummy you will go to sleep and then do 2.5-3.5 hour stretches only waking to feed in between. We feel so relieved that you are sleeping for this longer stretches.
You much prefer to snuggle with Mummy or Daddy than to sleeping in your bassinet, and often one of us will give in a let you fall asleep in our arms. I think it's partly because you dislike being on your back to sleep. When you are with us you are more on your tummy and I think it helps you sleep more soundly. We will have to see if you turn out to be a tummy sleeper like both of your parents, because I think that you might be and perhaps that will play a part in helping you to sleep longer periods of time. I guess time will tell.
You have loved bath time this week. You coo and gurgle when you are sitting in your bath seat. You love it until you start to get cold, and at that point you are done and want out. We oblige you of course and snuggle you until you are dry and warm.
We have to wash your hair every couple of days because you are a head sweater and your hair gets pretty greasy if we don't wash it. I never thought that hair washing would be a part of our routine with a newborn, but we love your beautiful hair and wouldn't change it.
You are spending more time awake now and are beginning to interact much more with us and your environment. You track the lights and mobile on your swing, and you love the flashing, singing monkey that Nana and Grandad brought you. You are drawn to colour contrast and lights as you start to really engage with the world around you. It's fun to see, and your bright eyes continue to light up my life as I watch you watch the world.
Thanks for your patience with me as I adjust to life as a Mum. I really do love this role so much but the lack of sleep is tough. I know it's not your fault that you need to eat often through the night and I am happy to give you what you need but please know that these bags around my eyes are not always here :)
Love you little man, and I am looking forward to all that week four will hold! Nana and Grandad go home on Monday so it will be just you and me kid.
Love you, Mummy x
Here is a cute picture of you sitting on Daddy's lap. You are such a cutie :)
I can't believe 3 weeks have passed since your birth. On one hand, it feels as though we just went to the hospital yesterday, anticipating your arrival, but on the other hand I can't remember life without you in it, it feels as though you have always been a part of my life.
You are growing big and strong. On Wednesday the doctor weighed you at 9lbs 1oz. I am so happy that you seem to be gaining well because we have had some issues with our breast feeding this week haven't we? Since we met with the lactation consultant you have been very patient as we have practiced our latch technique. You are a fast learner and already I am feeling much less sore and really enjoying our feeding times again, and you seem to love it too.
However, you are not great at staying awake when you are feeding to get a full feed. I am going to start being more intentional to make sure you have that full feed before I stop so that you can nap with a full belly and not wake up just because you are hungry. You seem to have ticklish toes, so I will be using that to my advantage to keep your eyes on the prize when you begin to fade!
Speaking of sleep, you are actually doing much better at night time. You have a grouchy time from abut 9 or 10pm to 12 or 1am which is not that enjoyable for us - especially for Daddy now he is back at work. During this period, you have a hard time settling to sleep and it seems like your gas pains are really bothering you. It's hard to watch you when it looks like you are in pain but we continue to give you Gripe water, which you take like its candy, and that seems to help at least for a little while. Once you have a full tummy you will go to sleep and then do 2.5-3.5 hour stretches only waking to feed in between. We feel so relieved that you are sleeping for this longer stretches.
You much prefer to snuggle with Mummy or Daddy than to sleeping in your bassinet, and often one of us will give in a let you fall asleep in our arms. I think it's partly because you dislike being on your back to sleep. When you are with us you are more on your tummy and I think it helps you sleep more soundly. We will have to see if you turn out to be a tummy sleeper like both of your parents, because I think that you might be and perhaps that will play a part in helping you to sleep longer periods of time. I guess time will tell.
You have loved bath time this week. You coo and gurgle when you are sitting in your bath seat. You love it until you start to get cold, and at that point you are done and want out. We oblige you of course and snuggle you until you are dry and warm.
We have to wash your hair every couple of days because you are a head sweater and your hair gets pretty greasy if we don't wash it. I never thought that hair washing would be a part of our routine with a newborn, but we love your beautiful hair and wouldn't change it.
You are spending more time awake now and are beginning to interact much more with us and your environment. You track the lights and mobile on your swing, and you love the flashing, singing monkey that Nana and Grandad brought you. You are drawn to colour contrast and lights as you start to really engage with the world around you. It's fun to see, and your bright eyes continue to light up my life as I watch you watch the world.
Thanks for your patience with me as I adjust to life as a Mum. I really do love this role so much but the lack of sleep is tough. I know it's not your fault that you need to eat often through the night and I am happy to give you what you need but please know that these bags around my eyes are not always here :)
Love you little man, and I am looking forward to all that week four will hold! Nana and Grandad go home on Monday so it will be just you and me kid.
Love you, Mummy x
Here is a cute picture of you sitting on Daddy's lap. You are such a cutie :)
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