Feels like a long time since I have been here, I guess it has been a while. I have a little man in arms, or over my shoulder most of the time now, so posting is more difficult. I did try using the voice tool on my phone to write a post, but the text that came out wasn't close to what I was saying, so that won't work. I'm think ing that some days I will just post a picture from the phone, and hope that the saying is true, that a picture's worth a thousand words.
I am currently blogging while my sweet boy in being rocked in the arms of his grandma, and quite content. I swear, that this kid has 4 Grandparents who would medal in the Grandparent Olympics. He is so loved and so very blessed.
We are staying at my In-Laws because Jeremy is out of town for work for a few days and I confess the idea of days and nights totally alone with Levi was totally intimidating. Every time J would bring up his trip in conversation I would immediately burst into tears. I love his parents and know they love having us here - Levi especially, I'm under no illusions :) - but I wanted to be able to do it by myself. I wanted to feel like I could take care of my baby by myself. However, I realised that even though I probably could struggle through, being somewhere that has extra arms to help care for Levi and who can keep him occupied while I nap and eat was probably the smarter decision, and I am not regretting it.
I got to shower, brush my teeth and eat three meals and take a long nap yesterday. I was also able to go to the loo any time I needed - Reflecting back there were at least a couple of days last week that I didn't make it to the bathroom at all until J got home from work. I'm no doctor, but I am pretty sure that's not good...
I have been thinking A LOT about single parents and how strong they are to do what they do. I feel alone in the responsibility for Levi while Jeremy is gone, but I know I have him to call on if I need him, or if there is an emergency. I know that I have some me time coming my way when he gets back, not because he owes it to me, but because I know he will pretty much wrestle the baby from my arms as soon as he walks in the door!. I can go full steam ahead for these few days knowing that he will be there to be in this with me very soon. I can't imagine not having that support, and not having someone to share middle of the night feeds and diaper changes. Even sharing in the conversations about how cute our baby is. I mean, who does love to share milestones of first smiles (which Levi started doing this week - pics to come) how sad to be alone in those celebrations. Praying hard for strength for the single Mums I know. You are my heros.
I have come to the conclusion that sleep makes all the difference in how a day goes as a new parent, both for Levi and for me. Our poor little man seems to really struggle with digestive issues. He spends all night asleep but wriggling, farting, pooping, and burping. It cannot be restful for him, I know it isn't restful for me as I listen to him. When he does get some good sleep, its usually while he is being held (little stinker) he is the cutest sweetest, most content little peanut. But when he doesn't he is grunty and squirmy and hard to pacify. Even his tummy issues seem to be worse when he is tired. Plus, a bad nights sleep leads to a bad day of napping and vice versa.
For me, the world becomes much clearer when I have got some good stretches at night and when I am able to top up with a nap during the day. I love my baby boy, but I actually enjoy parenting much more when I am rested.
I laughed to myself the other day when J started talking about "projects' for the fall and winter. My mind went to putting away maternity clothes and finding a routine where I can shower and eat breakfast on the same days before noon...he was talking about remodeling our bathrooms. I guess we have different perceptions about attainable goals for ourselves in this season! haha!
This post feels a little scattered but I guess that's a fairly accurate reflection of what's going on in my brian right now.
Tomorrow I turn 34...wondering and excited for what this new year will hold.