We just said goodbye to my parents who have been with us for the last two weeks. Along with loving on Levi, holding him so we could shower and eat as well as the general loving that Grandparents do, they also grocery shopped and my Mum made meals every night for dinner. It was amazing, especially as the second and third weeks of motherhood were much more of a challenge (in every way) than the first one.
As I type this, Levi is milk drunk and asleep on the Boppy on my lap after almost an hour long feeding. I am trying to be better at making him stay awake to do full feeds on both sides in the hopes he will sleep more soundly after if he does. I am also trying to pump after he feeds to try and get some milk stocked but so far we have used everything I have managed to pump. We have still been supplementing with a couple of ounces of formula in the evenings because Levi has the appetite of a teenager in those difficult hours between about 9pm and midnight and I cannot seem to keep up with the demand. If I have pumped anything we give him that first, and some days that will satisfy him, but not always. I wish I could be all he needs and I am hopeful that in time as we get into more of a routine we may be able to feed him solely breast milk, but in the mean time I need to set aside the guilt I feel about formula feeding and know that it’s the best for my kid. We have bought some organic formula instead of using the samples from the hospital so at least that lesson my anxiety about it a little.
Anyway, this being Labor Day here in the US Jeremy is home but tomorrow he will be back at work. Now we have said goodbye to my folks, tomorrow will be the first I am home alone with Levi. I have mixed emotions as I contemplate this event. Earlier when I confirmed with Jeremy that he was indeed returning to work tomorrow morning, I couldn't even get the words out before the tears were falling. At the same time, I am quite looking forward to figuring out more of a routine for our days, begin to find our new normal, and learn how to do this mother thing without the safety net of other pairs of hands to help.
I am aware that when I wake up, no one will be bring my tea or breakfast in bed while taking care of the baby so I can shower and get dressed. No one will be there to snuggle the bubs while I go to the toilet or pump. No one thinking about grocery shopping or meal planning - that's not totally true, we are extremely blessed to have friends who are bring meals a few times a few times a week so we will have days when I don't have to think about it, and in these early weeks that feels like the best gift.
I am not sure what the day will hold tomorrow. I have a plan...a small one so that the empty hours will hopefully not seems so intimidating. We will get up and dressed (no time frame for this to occur), we will eat, and at some point when Levi falls asleep or needs to fall asleep, we will take a walk in the sunshine to the post office to get stamps to mail birth announcements. It's strange to think that in a whole day it might be tough to even get those few things accomplished but I guess I am trying to hold loosely to even that list. If we are both still in PJ's when Jeremy comes home, and we need to get take out for dinner then I want to have grace with myself that as long as Levi has been fed and clean diapered then it can be considered a good day!
Ok, little man is wriggling, and pretty sure he needs a clean diaper so I am signing off. Wish me luck for tomorrow! I look forward to processing the day on here soon.