A man’s heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps. Proverbs 16:9
This verse has become a little bit of a mantra for me over this past year. I have quoted it in conversations almost daily this week as we move forward with our adoption plans and I am facing the reality that we have some tough decisions to make. We cannot control the health of our child. We may adopt a child of a different race. There are so many things I worry that I won't be able to cope with and honestly, so many thing I just don't want to have to cope with. Time and again, God's gentle whispers remind me that the control I believe I have in my life is really just an illusion. I would not have as much control as I imagine over a biological child. I cannot ensure the details. Our family is growing in God's way.
J and I were talking the other day about some of my fears and he asked if I had considered that God may be asking our family to look different than I imagined. That if I stopped trying to plan all the details, then the potential of a child who would not live up to them would b=not seem so scary. My husband is not a man of many words, unlike me, the spouse suffering from verbal diarrhea on a regular basis, but boy, when he speaks I have learned to turn my ear and listen. It was almost an off handed comment. He wasn't expecting it to be a life altering moment, but I have not been able to get it out of my mind.
If I just plan to have a family and truly leave the details with God, I have nothing to be afraid of. What ever problems our future children may have, we will deal with it as and when it comes along and that will be our reality. Our expectation can be that God will give us exactly what we need at the time we need it and if we are living in His strength, we can trust everything will be for our good and for His glory.
This is not as easy lesson. This post is not claiming victory over these fears and concerns just yet, but when I opened my devotional this morning and saw that this was the verse for the day I knew I had to share a little of my heart and the lessons God has been teaching me recently.
I have seen so many friends begin their journey of parenthood and be faced with a reality that is nothing like they expected. I know that we will also have to walk through that too, and maybe even a little more because our child will be adopted but we are trying to get our hearts truly ready for what's to come.
This weekend J and I spent our first night under canvas this year and it was fabulous. The weather has just not been good for fair weather campers until recently. The sunshine was not super obvious yesterday but it was warm, and this morning when we woke up it was glorious so all is forgiven!! We spent a couple of hours at the street fair and then came back to the camp to enjoy the sun. But only briefly before I had to retreat to the cool air conditioned lodge and J went our for a ride on his bike.
It's a good day to be alive. And today we are full of joyful anticipation for the future and true appreciation for the present. God is good all the time. As we map out the outline of our live, He is there filling it in with a rainbow of glorious colour. We don't know what it will look like but the Artist of heaven is painting a perfect picture on the canvas of our lives.