There are days when I feel like my head is completely consumed with baby stuff. From the moment I wake up until the moment my head hits the pillow at night, all the thoughts that go through my mind are about babies. Everything I eat is because it's good for the baby, taking a walk mid day is good for my fitness level which is good for the baby. Putting my feet up when they start to swell because it's just plain necessary but it's also a definite reminder that i am carrying around a baby! My 'to do' lists are all formed around the arrival off our first born. Even the books I am reading are now primarily about parenting or birth.
Don't get me wrong. I have paid my dues. I am not going to let anyone take away the joy of this season, I am letting myself embrace the fun and the stress of this time, but am still more than just an incubator and sometimes I need to snap out of my day to day and be reminded of that.
Today we had a half day retreat for our church missions care team. We are a small team, just 6 of us, but we have been charged with refining some crucial aspects of focus and vision for our missionaries. Having served as a full-time missionary for the best part of a decade, I understand the importance of church structure and support and how it impacts the day to day life of missionaries. I love being a part of this team. I have been a part of them for about 5 years now, but I am a newbie compared to the three members who have hit 30+ years!
As we processed and discussed and even to some degree concluded it felt so life giving to be thinking beyond my belly. I was reminded of the passion and call God placed within me for missions. I know that each person who calls themselves a Christian is called to be missional in the way they live, however that works within the context of their life, but I believe I have been called to be active in developing relationships between the local church and missionaries on the field both locally and globally. I have a passion to see God's transformation come to be in the city of Seattle, and out into the world. I believe that this Kingdom transformation is possible today, and I have the expectation that our actions can and do impact this change.
In my day to day life I can become passive about this task. My participation on this committee gives me one way to affect this change, but I know it is not all I am called to. I have seen the way God has worked in and through me during our miscarriages and even on our adoption journey. I have seen him use me to speak hope and strength to others in pain or experiencing pregnancy loss. I have seen the transformation he has allowed to happen in me through these experiences and I hope and pray he continues to use me in this way. And I wonder to what's ahead and how my life as a stay at home wife and mother will offer opportunity to share my faith. I know it will be another adjustment to make, but I trust Jesus will help me find my way.
Today I remembered an important part of my life that has been a little neglected recently but that is life-giving and so very special to my heart. I needed the reminder and look forward to stepping into this week with eyes open and looking for the opportunities around me to serve and love others in a way that reflects the character of Jesus.