I am overwhelmed. Humbled. So very thankful for the kinds words expressed after yesterdays post. While I truly appreciate your words, please know that they were not solicited. I truly have the most sensitive, sweet pregnant friends an infertile girl could ask for. I was simply sharing my struggle to face some of the ugliness that continues to rise up in me surrounding my own inability to carry a pregnancy.
As autumn comes, and the trees are stripped bare I relate to their nakedness. I feel exposed. I have chosen not to pretend I am all roses and smiley faces. Sometimes its hard, I feel as though God is stripping back my life. Revealing my heart. Exposing those dark places where I refuse to surrender to him, where I hold grudges and where I cannot accept that His plans are better than my own.
In the hard times I remember his grace is sufficient. It covers me. Until I can emerge on the other side, clothes in green leaves of joy and hope and love. I know that time will come. I know that this time of refining is for my own good but it reveals some ugly that's hard to embrace.
This new season also includes Zumba and kickboxing classes. Who knew that was on the cards? New season, new you. Let's hope that's true.
I just read this book by Deepak Chopra and Marianne Williamson called "The Shadow Effect." They talk a lot about embracing the dark sides of ourselves, too, since it's because of the dark that we know our light. Take heart, sweetie....our light is in us all the time. Like a hug just waiting for us to realize it's there. :-)
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