Open Adoption Roundtable # 31
Please go to this link to read more responses to this prompt.
“Write about Open Adoption and Being Scared”
My heart sank a little but when I read this prompt. I spend a lot of time trying to convince myself that "it's all going to be ok" By that I mean that every part of this adoption process scares me.
I am scared that we won't get chosen by a birth mother, and that the waiting will be too much for my marriage. Our desire to have a baby cuts deep.
I am scared that we will get chosen and then the birth mother will change her mind, and I am scared that that will break my heart beyond repair.
I am scared I won't want to hold or bond with our baby for the first few days of its life until he or she is legally ours and that this will affect our attachment forever. I am scared that I will carry regret about that time.
I am scared our child will reject us as a teenager for not being his "real parents".
I am scared that our decision to be open to many different situations will mean that our child will have struggles, and that life won't look the way I dreamed it would and I am scared that I will feel bitter towards my child because of that.
I am scared about each step of this process but I am reminded in the midst of it that my life is not my own and that I am not in this alone. Here on earth I am partnered with J, my soul mate, my love and my best friend. But we are not in this alone either, we are in God's hands. He is the one building our family. He is the one who is holding us up, giving us His strength to do what we cold never do on our own. Our fears can be stilled in the truth that all we are being asked to do is be obedient to His call on our lives.
Some of these fears may be realised in the future, and many of them will not. And while they are good to consider and while it is a good idea to educate ourselves in some areas which may make parenting an adoptive children a little less of a mystery but ultimately we will be entrusted with a little one that God loves more than we ever could, just as loves us. He wants good things for His children and in that my heart can feel some peace from all the fears that can sometimes be screaming loudly.
Wishing us all peace on the journey to our children.