Open Adoption Roundtable # 31
Please go to this link to read more responses to this prompt.
“Write about Open Adoption and Being Scared”
My heart sank a little but when I read this prompt. I spend a lot of time trying to convince myself that "it's all going to be ok" By that I mean that every part of this adoption process scares me.
I am scared that we won't get chosen by a birth mother, and that the waiting will be too much for my marriage. Our desire to have a baby cuts deep.
I am scared that we will get chosen and then the birth mother will change her mind, and I am scared that that will break my heart beyond repair.
I am scared I won't want to hold or bond with our baby for the first few days of its life until he or she is legally ours and that this will affect our attachment forever. I am scared that I will carry regret about that time.
I am scared our child will reject us as a teenager for not being his "real parents".
I am scared that our decision to be open to many different situations will mean that our child will have struggles, and that life won't look the way I dreamed it would and I am scared that I will feel bitter towards my child because of that.
I am scared about each step of this process but I am reminded in the midst of it that my life is not my own and that I am not in this alone. Here on earth I am partnered with J, my soul mate, my love and my best friend. But we are not in this alone either, we are in God's hands. He is the one building our family. He is the one who is holding us up, giving us His strength to do what we cold never do on our own. Our fears can be stilled in the truth that all we are being asked to do is be obedient to His call on our lives.
Some of these fears may be realised in the future, and many of them will not. And while they are good to consider and while it is a good idea to educate ourselves in some areas which may make parenting an adoptive children a little less of a mystery but ultimately we will be entrusted with a little one that God loves more than we ever could, just as loves us. He wants good things for His children and in that my heart can feel some peace from all the fears that can sometimes be screaming loudly.
Wishing us all peace on the journey to our children.
Beautiful, honest post. I think one of my biggest fears is to say what you said out-loud. Ultimately, like you said so eloquently, we are not in this alone. And if you put your trust in God, he will provide the perfect plan. Perhaps one far better than we could have created on our own. Happy ICLW :)
ReplyDeleteReally nice post. Thank you for sharing this, and thank you for stopping by my blog. Our process will only start in January, and yet I am scared for a lot of things you have mentioned at the top. Goo luck, and I hope everything works out well.
ReplyDelete~Stopping by for ICLW #14
I love how honest your post is. I think most adoptive parents have the fears you have. I know I did.
ReplyDeleteYou have a great outlook though and you will just take it a day at a time.
yes, all of those fears are valid and real, but you are not alone - Amen. I have to remind myself of many of those same promises from God, especially that He loves us, and the children He's planned for us, more than we could could ever understand or imagine.
ReplyDeletewhat a beautiful and raw post. i can really feel your fears. wishing you so much peace
ReplyDeleteHappy ICLW
Happy ICLW.
ReplyDeleteThis is so raw and honest...and I think that by "saying" your fears outloud, you are taking away their strength over you. Good luck!