Turns out that surrendering to God's timing for our pregnancy was actually not as hard as surrendering to his timing in these last few weeks of pregnancy. Getting pregnant felt so totally out of my control that surrendering to the timing and methods of building our family to a heavenly father who loves me wasn't a hardship. But having this baby boy growing in me gives me a false sense of control about exactly the power I have to make him come out!
It feels as though I should be able to persuade him to come out, or jiggle him, or walk him or somehow bribe him to enter the world in my timing!
I am trying really hard not to feel frustrated about these final days and weeks of pregnancy. I know my boy is growing healthy and strong. I know he has to come out some day (right?) and I trust God's timing will be perfect in this process, but this does little to alleviate the physical discomfort and anxiety I am feeling.
I know that complaining will only make these final weeks drag on, and make life more miserable for me and everyone around me, so I am trying to find a good attitude.
Today I am 38 weeks pregnant. Still 2 weeks from my due date. Still hopeful that my son will choose to come before or on his due date. I admit as much as I would like him to be early I have become pretty attached to his due date. It has been so significant in the conversations we have had about this little boy since his conception. It would be very special if he decided to be one of the 5% or whatever it is of babies that actually come on their due date.
For today, it looks like he is staying put. So to be the best mama I can I need to feed my body well, get good exercise and good rest. So that's the plan.
Happy Thursday friends :)
The illusion of control is so stinking powerful! I could tell you, "he'll come when he's ready" and I am absolutely right, but I am also absolutely certain that does nothing to ease the yearning! Hang in there and don't fret if you have a complete teary meltdown saying, "this child is never going to come" or "this isn't happening like I wanted it to!" I had crying meltdowns with both the day before the ball got rolling. I think, at least for me, the minute I decide to let go for real is the time my body says, "Oh good! She's out of the way, now we can do our thing!" Love you and praying for you! Stay busy and RELAX!
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