Three years (and two days)

Wednesday was our third wedding anniversary. For the last two anniversaries we have spent the night at the same hotel we went on our wedding night. This year things were very different. I had hoped that I would have pumped enough milk to leave the babe with my parents who are here visiting so we could at least go to lunch or dinner. However, the evenings have been tough on our little man for whatever reason and my mummy's heart just could not bare to think of him being sad while we were gone - not that I can make him stop crying either but I didn't want anyone else to have to deal with him when he is like that.

My mum's birthday was the day before Levi was born, and we hadn't done much to celebrate because we knew they were coming to visit and we could celebrate in person, so Jeremy's parents and sister came over and after the pediatrician visit yesterdayand we got an ice cream cake and blended our celebrations.

Last night as we got into bed, separated by the baby-filled bassinet I couldn't hold back the tears. While I am overjoyed to have our little one, I am also balancing grieving the loss of 'just us' in our marriage. Through my tears I explained to J that we hadn't had a real conversation since Levi was born. That our interactions are now just passing the baby back a forth. We have a good rhythm at night, I feed baby and then J rocks him to sleep. After that when bubs wakes up I nudge J and he takes him to change his diaper while I set up the Boppy and other pillows so he can hand him back all clean, ready for a feed. I am awake longer at night because this boy likes to eat, but I so appreciate J's help with the poop changing. I know he has to get up for work, so this way he is helpful but not too tired to function. I can (in theory) nap a little during the day to catch up on sleep.

I remember at a marriage confernce we went to a couple of years ago that the speaker said that the best mothers were those who realised that the best gift they could offer their children was to be the best wives. I want to be the best wife. I want to continue date nights and making our marriage a priority. For my own sanity, but also because I want Levi to see us model a strong relationship. He is learning how to love and respect others from our example. The stability in our marriage sets the tone for our family, and I want him to feel secure in our home because he is confident in our love for one another.

I miss my husband.

Tonight, when the babe is taking one of his evening naps I think we are going to escape into the other room for a few minutes and have a glass of wine. Its a small step, but it's in the right direction...and something tells me that after a half hour we'll both be wanting to get back to watching the boy sleep and commenting about how cute he is! haha!

 Here is a pic of us on our anniversary, not quite as bright eyed as we were in the pictures taken a few years ago. And the reason? See pic below!

Adorable, right? And totally worth the bags under our eyes!