This past weekend I was away a couple of hours south of Seattle for our church women's retreat. It was an amazing time and I am still reflecting on so much of what was discussed and some of the changes I want to implement but one idea really stuck out to me.
It was the idea that we often get stuck in the business of our lives and it prevents us from truly living into the calling God has for us. The speaker used an illustration of three big rocks in jar, explaining that these rocks were the things that should be our priorities, but that often we fill the jar with sand first and then try and fit in the rocks, but they don't fit. The sand is the small things in life that can consume our time but we would never claim as a priority. However, if we put the rocks in the jar first and then put the sand in there is room for everything.
This was such a great illustration for me. I constantly feel stretched in a million directions and "busy" but when I actually look at how I am spending my days I am not sure where all my time goes - or I am sure, I am just not happy about the ways I am spending it. I am making small sand the priorities and feeling stressed about trying to make the rocks fit - which they don't and can't.
I want my marriage to be a priority, to be the wife I know I can be. I must make sure that I am caring for myself, and that I am making my school work being done to the highest standard possible. I see how I am making choices which push these rocks out of the jar and filling it with the sand of Facebook, Pinterest the Real Housewives of Anywhere... to name a few.
I am blessed that we had small group time during the retreat where we could share some of the revelations we found as well as the next small steps we wanted to make to ensure that our rocks reclaimed their place as our priorities. As we fill our lives with the things that are truly important to us we will feel less business and more contentment and in this way we can better bring glory to God as we seek to serve him.
I am feeling really inspired because I feel as though I have been in the same "stuck" place for a while now. As we process this pregnancy and open ourselves to the possibility that we could actually be having a baby we have to face our fears in the most painful and raw way. It is easier to turn on the TV and not have those conversations. It is more comfortable to talk about everything in theory saying "if" and not "when". It feels safer not change anything in our home to indicate this child could be joining our family in case something goes wrong and we have a physical reminder.
So we are stuck in this place of disconnection from reality. In that place we are safe but joyless. And joyless people don't have energy for cooking, cleaning or school work, let alone having the emotional capacity for relationships. This weekend was a break from the stuck. It reminded me what I was missing. Now I have to make to get my rocks and my sand in order!