Saturday, January 15, 2011

Safety in numbers

On Thursday night I went to an infertility small group that meets from our church. Women sitting around a table, sharing their stories; Tales of trying to conceive, and waiting and testing and procedures and disappointment and more tests. Grieving the lost innocence of pregnancy. The evening was beautiful. A sad time, but a beautiful one.

It was a gift to be with women who were fluent in the language of infertility and loss. No need to watch what I say, no need to have walls up, no fear of being misunderstood. It's been a while since I have found a space where I have been so truly understood. I have wonderful friends, who have constantly been a powerhouse of love and support in the midst of the pain of the last year, but it is different to share with people who carry the same burden of fear and disappointment and who struggle with finding God and His purpose in the midst of it all.

Such a gift, such a place of hope. In the midst of tears and grief, the hope of a better plan was heard. A plan that comes from a place beyond our understanding. I believe with all my heart that as we welcome children biologically or through another way into our families we will know a little of that purpose when we know without a doubt that these are the children we were created to love. In my prayers recently, I have begun to pray for our children. I trust that when we finally get our baby/child we will say, "You are who we have been waiting for" Not just in a general way as we have been longing to become parents, but in a very specific way to each and every child we will call our own.

And because of that, we can wait.


  1. WOW Chrissie. Thanks for sharing. So awesome that you found that group at Bethany. I was gonna email you that and suggest you be part of it. Grateful that you have the much needed support group. Will keep you in prayer. You are a beautiful person and I know the Lord will bless you and hubby with a wonderful child...however his design may be.

    Hang in there

    Brenda Voeller-Kent

  2. I'm part of a 'recovery' ministry at our Church and I've felt like this would be a great small group for us too but a little shy of instigating it all on my own. Sounds like it is a real blessing to you though, I should give it a shot.

  3. It's so wonderful that you have found a group who understands.

  4. Hi Chrissie, thanks for your comment on my blog. I dont know your story, but hope to learn it as i follow your blog. From what little i know, this post reminds me a great deal of what I was feeling and going through in 2008 and early 2009 before we conceived our first son. It was so tough, the loss of innocent pregnancy. I prayed and grew a lot closer to God through this time and I truly believe that while God did not plan to have me suffer, this path was meant to lead me closer to Him. The internet and blogs were also a great outlet for me during my time. I know it'll be the same for you.



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