Enjoying the quiet of my house. My ultra sound this morning revealed nothing unusual. It looks like I had a collapsed follicle and a thick lining which indicates I just ovulated which would be right on time with my usual cycle (tmi? Sorry, but if you have ever read this blog before you should be used to it by now - be thankful I didn't post pictures!)
This is good news and will be REALLY good if my hCG levels in my blood come back as negative, or 0 (even falling would be preferable). Today it's feeling harder to think outside of my situation. I came home and bust into tears. I just want to curl up on the couch and forget everything. Luckily, last night I was feeling in planning mode and made a little 'to do' list for today - my last day of freedom before classes start tomorrow! So I have something to work on, things to cross off. I love that feeling, and I think I have shared before how I always like to include things like, take a shower, get dressed, eat breakfast on the list because the satisfaction of the crossing off is what keeps me focused! I also have plans to hang out with my lovely Lindsey tonight which feels like God's perfect timing. Some people just calm your spirit and their very presence encourages you to be your true self. She is that for me. Every day I am grateful for her, but on tougher days I am even more aware of the gift of a friend who knows, loves and accepts you at every place in life.
We had strict warnings not to try and get pregnant until my levels were back to normal, and the specialists had given us the all clear. My doctor kept on mentioning "tiny cancers" and "cancer markers" which can occur after miscarriage. Although the specialists were not too concerned about that possibility they were checking into it because they hadn't seen results like mine before and were "baffled." I am not overly anxious about the 'C' word being an issue, but in her attempt to calm me down my doctor instead increased my curiosity. Seriously, if I don't have it, there is no need to mention you tested for it - is there a disclaimer like that anywhere I can sign?
What is today's step. Today's step is getting on with my 'to do' list. Today's step is being quiet and letting God speak to me. Today's step is being hopeful that this year will include a baby for us and at the same time getting involved in the small group at our church for women dealing with infertility. Today's step is multi-dimensional but it starts with the biggest step...choosing to get up off the couch and making this day count. In small ways. Claiming this day, each moment, for God and letting His story be written all over it.