When talking with a friend this morning I mentioned that i was about a year since we found out we were pregnant the first time. It got me thinking and when I went back an checked my charts it is exactly one year ago to the day that we first saw those line on the test. I would post a picture - we took one like all good parents-to-be do - but I don't want anyone to mis-read it as a more exciting announcement. Those pictures, along with the ones we took of the other double-liners sit in albums on our computer, a little redundant. We take them every time, just in case they actually make it into a baby book one day...when there is a baby to go along with it.
Some days I feel like it was just yesterday, those initial feeling of fear and excitement and hope and "what did we do"! And other days it feels like we have been walking this path forever and only the fear is left.
I am tired of this journey.
My heart is bruised and broken from so much loss.
This month we have decided we will try again. And hope and pray for a pregnancy that lasts.
Last night we had a farewell dessert night with our newly-wed group. We have journeyed the first year (and then some) of marriage with these couples. What a gift to have a place to be honest, through the highs and lows of marriage, and be met with grace and support. We would not have made it this far without such community and I attribute a large portion of the health of our marriage to our participation in it. There is nowhere to hide in a group like this and we all had to step up to the plate and be vulnerable and transparent - something that comes more naturally for some of us than others, but because everyone was willing to share we all grew as individuals as well as couples.
We are standing together a year later, stronger than ever and praying for patience and joy as we wait for God's plan to reveal itself!