Written Jan 10, 2012
(10 weeks 5 days pregnant)
This week has been the week of chewy sour candy...I can't get enough. I am really liking the gummy cherries and just polished off a packet of tropical Starbursts in record time. Still not wanting to eat chocolate, which is very strange...I am not sure what the sour candy craving means you need baby, but my teeth won't be happy if this continues.
Today I went out and ran some errands after class which felt really good. I have been coming home and taking a nap after school most days but that hasn't made me feel much better so perhaps exerting more energy will make things better? I guess we'll see.
I woke up with a monster headache when I had to pee at 6am (the third bathroom trip of the night). It was still there when I got up for the day a couple of hours yesterday. It is becoming a weekly occurrence, I hate headaches. I am trying to drink water and keep hydrated in case that is playing a role in them but it is hard to drink even more water when I already seem to spend half my life in the bathroom!
Today was a big day. I had two separate conversations about our baby, and I felt comfortable talking about it like we actually might be having a baby. If the unbuttoned pants were not enough of an indicator of the reality of the situation, my heart has not been able to hope that we might actually have a baby in our arms this year. As the second trimester approaches and week after week the baby is growing and developing normally, the fear is beginning to disperse and the hope is starting to shine through.
We are so aware that there are no guarantees in pregnancy. It still makes me envious when I read a facebook post saying. "we are having a baby in *insert month" meaning they are VERY newly pregnant, or even after gender scans, "we are having a boy/girl" Even then, the sense of confidence with which those statements are written makes me nervous. I am not sure that I can ever be so glib about it. IF we get to a gender scan, I can only ever imagine the statement, "I am pregnant with a *insert gender" I wish the experience didn't make me so guarded but at the same time, it makes me even more appreciative of every moment.
In the sickness, I am not wishing away the days but instead can be thankful to experience the crazy hormones of an early pregnancy. I can suck the juice out of each moment.
If this was facebook I'd click "like" =)
ReplyDeleteI'm glad I'm not the only one, I ate an entire bag of Swedish Fish last weekend. I think it's the citric acid, or maybe just that they're yummy.
ReplyDeleteI know I haven't had as many losses as you, but I totally know how you feel. In my experience, that twinge of fear never goes completely away (even after they are born), but it makes you appreciate your little one that much more. I used to (secretly) love when Parker would cry as a newborn, that sound is just so ALIVE! ..and wait until you feel the baby move, it's the best!