Not long to go until we find out boy or girl, and I am growing ever impatient. Can you tell by how many times I have brought it up recently? I always thought I would hold off finding out until the birth and in some ways, feeling all this excited anticipation about finding out gender now, makes me see that it could be such a beautiful thing to wait and to have that surprise at the birth. This time however, we are going to be content to have our surprise at the scan. Jeremy really wants to know, and I really want to shop so it's the best decision for both of us. If we are ever in a position to make this decision again, perhaps we would chose to wait, I guess time will tell on that wondering.
As you know, I am convinced we are having a boy. Yes, we would be more than delighted with either gender but something in me is just feeling blue vibes. About 50% of mothers I talk to tell me their intuition was right and the other 50% were wrong, pretty sure that that tells us this particular intuition is not to be considered reliable. I get that but...
Yesterday I was at the mall and noticed Gymboree were having a big sale. I love this shop. It was always my go-to for gifts for gifts for friends babies because their clothes are just adorable. However, it is fairly spendy so it's a place I only consider buying things at for special occasions - unless of course there is a sale. And yesterday, with the company of my dear friend Sarah and her daughter, I could not resist. Having made sure all items, even sale ones were totally returnable, I gots to shopping! my plan was to get a few things for each gender and return the not needed stuff after our scan but in the end I was only drawn to a few ridiculously cute boy outfits. Little dinosaurs on jeans and a t-shirt with a motor cycle on plus a couple of other things and we were set. I knew J would think I had been a little silly because as he rightly pointed out we really don't know what we are growing, but it was pretty cute to see even he got a little gooey eyed when I pulled out my purchases for his approval.
If it turns out we need to return them it would be a little bit sad, but only until I get to switch them out for girl clothes!
I just want to start planning and feeling a little bit prepared. For us this scan, confirming (please God) that our baby is healthy and is a boy/girl will be an open door to making some basic purchases. I know we still have time but it is amazing that in just 5 days we will be at the halfway point already and I know from here time will fly by. It would be nice to have some indication in our home that this baby is on its way!
Some days, most of them actually I am still in disbelief that this is our life. What did I do to get so blessed? ('nothing' of course being the answer to that mostly rhetorical question) Last night at a dinner party with some friends from church, one of the ladies commented, "I have never met a miracle baby before" referring to our bundle. She had been present at the service our church held last year for those struggling with infertility and had seen us just weeping and being prayed for in one of the most raw and painful times of our life. From then until now its seems like so much has happened, but her comment reminded me that the two events are not separate. We truly believe God heard our cries and blessed us with this miracle. I know that this particular ending is not always the way God chooses to move and build families, and I do not have any answer to why that is, but it would be totally remiss for us to walk through this season without praising and thanking God for every step we are blessed to be taking. This is his miracle gift to us. Nothing we earned and nothing we were able to make happen on our own.
This is our miracle - pink or blue - made in the image of God.