That's how long we have until our baby boy is here. 90 days until his due date. Suddenly that seems really soon. Especially as the doctor we saw yesterday said that anything after July 4th ish wold be fine for him to arrive. I would be 36 weeks. For a first baby, it is highly unlikely that he'll be coming anytime before his due date but still, I wouldn't object to a July baby :)
As the reality is setting in more and more I think that J and I are experiencing the 'panic' and excitement in a different way. He is quietly taking on the stress and weight of providing for our growing family while I am preparing and organizing in a practical way for the baby, a little afraid of how much day to day to life will be so different when he gets here.
We are also both grieving our last few months as a duo. He is grieving by pretending nothing is changing and trying to keep everything business as usual, and I am grieving by suddenly feeling a pressure to make the most of each moment and perfect our marriage before baby gets here.
With all that happening on top of busy schedules and pregnancy hormones and tears, can you say "Conflict much?"
Our house has been a somewhat unpredictable place to be recently. Some days we are running baby errands, meeting with doulas, holding hands, praying for our boy, writing birth plans and dreaming about how much our hearts will swell with love for our little man. And the next day we are hardly speaking because we have fallen out because someone didn't do the dishes (of course it's never actually about the dishes), and on those days, my fears about how we'll do with a baby are only exacerbated.
I know that life is changing, and we have been praying for this particular change for years, but the reality is so different than the dream. Or at least the fear of the reality is.
I just love my husband and my marriage so much. It took us a while to really hit a stride but night now we are in such a good place. I like spending a quiet night in watching a movie, I like that he always holds my hand when we are walking somewhere, or when we get the giggles about something the rest of the world would roll their eyes at, and I LOVE falling asleep in his arms.
I know there will be new things about life that I will love, but I'm still going to miss the little things that I have come to love in this season and I am sad that things are changing. The tears just started falling as I thought more deeply about this season ending, as I mentioned, the pregnancy hormones are really adding a fun dimension to all of this! And baby boy does not like it when I get upset, he starts moving and kicking and rolling. I like to think that he's reassuring me, "it's ok Mum, it's all going to be ok."
He's a good boy. Takes after his daddy :)
I know we'll figure it out,I know we don't have a choice! This change IS coming. Praying today for the grace to navigate this time well, and to love both the men in my life the best I can.
Very thankful it is Friday and J an I have the weekend together, it's even supposed to be sunny!