I wanted to touch base about the 500ft below post that I wrote earlier this week. It can be easy to post something like that with the best of intentions for it to be the start of a new season and then quietly slip back into the patterns of life that you are most trying to break.
I have had similar revelations, and made similar resolutions in the past. But nothing has really changed. This time I truly want it to be the catalyst to a new season. I am about to become a mother. A dream that has been deep in my heart since I was a child is about to be realised, and I owe it to myself and my son to make these changes. If he isn't a strong enough influence for my behaviour change then I am not sure if there will ever be one.
I confess the past few days have been up and down. I have had whole days when I have made great choices and have reaped the rewards for my decisions. And then there have been moments, or an afternoon when old habits, and even things that haven't haunted me for a long time have come back for another round. In those moments, I didn't always shake it off and choose to keep climbing. The distractions held my attention and I became content to let them keep me treading water.
Overall it has been a good week. I look forward to continuing on this climb. I can feel the lesson that God is teaching me deep in my heat as he patiently transforms. I can see myself becoming a more fulfilled and content version of myself. Someone who recognises every gift that I have been given, and who is thankful for each day that I am blessed to be living this life. I can picture myself becoming the wife and mother I so desire to be - and it's been a long time since that has felt like a possibility. Until recently I don't think I realised just how down in the dumps I had been living. I feel like I am truly getting my life back. I haven't felt this like myself in, well, a really, really long time.
I am not sure that all the good thoughts in the world are going to make me love the last 6 weeks I have of school before the baby, but I can and will choose to be thankful for the opportunity to be learning. And I can decide to be the best student possible. I can do anything for 6 weeks, right?
I am getting assignments in on time and to a higher quality, I am well representing myself and it feels great.
I am continuing to prepare for the little guy by reading some great books which different friends have loaned and suggested and feeling more and more comfortable and confident about the vision for parenting we are developing.
Wishing you all a happy Cinco de Mayo, we will be celebrating with friends this evening and are excited to be sharing life and living in such a great community of people. No Margaritas this year, but we will still be celebrating hard.